So many realizations.

The past two days have been a bit of a mindfuck time travel thing.

I have just been thinking so much of why am the way I am today, and how I got this way. Etc.

Yesterday I actually literally told someone EVERYTHING. Literally EVERYTHING that has been on my mind the last month or two... especially the last month or two. It felt good. Writing it out made me feel so much better. I knew it would. I have written like journals, but just telling someone made me think about things more.

I solved one of my own problems even. But one of my other problems just became even more confusing to me.

But I finally got my "good cry" in. I'm not sure if I published that blog post, but I think I once spoke of wanting to cry and not being able to. Well I finally did. It felt good.

Anyways. Today I continued my thinking. I got to see one of my old friends, and I started thinking back to grade 7/8 a lot more. I realized something for the first time: in grade 7/8 I was known as the girl whose father passed away.

I am not that girl. I never was. Well. I was. But I didn't even realize it!

The other thing I have realized in the past few weeks is that I blocked out a lot of stuff out of my life. I blocked out A LOT of stuff that happened between 2005-2007. I don't remember any of it. Well. I do remember a lot of it, but definitely not all of it. I can feel there are pieces missing. I kind of want to find these pieces, no matter how much pain they bring me.

I want to talk to more people from 2005-2007 that were around me. There is one teacher that I had in destinations that I really want to talk to... I know it will be kind of weird talking to her. But I just want to ask her what I was like, and what she really thought of me. I also want to thank her, because I realized she knew me more then I knew myself then. I didn't actually realize how much she meant to me until recently.

Is it weird that I always just want to talk to teachers? I know it is. But I just feel like I trust the opinion of adults more then people around me. Teachers just happen to be generally trustworthy people around me. Family and Friends aren't always the best people to turn to. So many teachers have helped me with so many problems in my life.

Anyways.

I keep seeing people around me that look like people I know. Its really random too...

There was about a week in which I saw people that looked like my mom's friend that passed away. At one point I kept seeing people that looked like my boss from work. I keep seeing people that look like one of my teachers too. Also, today I saw somebody that looked like one of my friends.

Its just so weird. And random.

That is all for now.