Annoyed Atheist

I was extremely annoyed yesterday, although it is mostly my fault.

I have inevitably been doing a lot of thinking about atheism, since I am writing a comedy book about atheism, but also because I decided to take Religious Studies in my first year at university.

Let me give you some background before I tell today's story. I am an (agnostic) atheist and I am pretty strong on my views. I was talking to somebody close to me about theism and atheism and how I am taking the Religious Studies course. 

I was explaining my reason for taking Religious Studies to this person and for your curiosity, it is for a few reasons:

1. I genuinely find religions fascinating

2. I feel like I will have more credibility than the average theist if I have taken a religion course, I feel like I might get something out of it

3. There is a 3rd year atheist course I want to take (which can be counted towards my Philosophy degree) but I have to have the 1st year credit to take it.

So I was explaining this (well the first and third reasons) to this person and then I jokingly said "Hey! At the end of first year I could change my major to Religion!" and they responded "Why would you do that?"

I actually took a little bit of offence to this, but I let it slip. I started talking about my majors again as well as what that might mean for me if I decide to go into teaching (which I likely will).

At one point in time, deep into the conversation this person said something along the lines of "You can't be a teacher if you think that".

This is making me furious just sitting here typing it. They were referring to me being an atheist. 

Excuse me? I can't be a teacher if I am atheist? And people wonder why theists frustrate me so much.

I tried to explain that as a teacher you have to be open minded and obviously if I were to ever teach a course (we were specifically talking about teaching a religion course) in high school that I would have to share all aspects and points of view of a subject, and as a teacher I can barely even share my opinion (which is part of the reason why I am not leaning towards NOT wanting to be a teacher). To be a teacher you must be open-minded, which I am fully aware of. This person seems to think I am going to start forcing atheism down people's throats in a classroom.

Anyways, I was attempting to explain this, but this person wouldn't shut up. They kept talking over me. This is when our conversation that led to debate which led to disagreement, then became an argument. I started shouting out to "shut up and let me talk" and this person wouldn't let me.

That is basically the end of this. I didn't get a chance to explain anything because they wouldn't SHUT UP. 

I am furious. I am annoyed. These little interactions with theists or even just people close to me, make me want to stomp out a puppy. 

This led me to cry a little. Not because we argued, I was literally crying because some people are so (for lack of a better word) STUPID and can't be open-minded. 

Sometimes when I talk atheism vs. theism I am offensive. I honestly don't care. I feel the need to push my limits because I look at theism almost like a societal crisis. A mass group of people believe in something that doesn't exist! Can you really blame me for wanting to stop it? 

I cry because I am so frustrated that people won't be open-minded to really realize god doesn't exist.

Although saying this to a theist means nothing, because they just try to rationalize me being atheist by saying I am the devil, by saying that I had a bad childhood or I am just mad at god. 

NO. I am just the only sober person in a world filled with idiots drunken and poisoned by theism.

I feel like to a theist right now that I am actually pretty funny because I seem like the idiot. Trust me, I'm not.

I think that my point in saying all of this is that I have realized (once again) that I can't control everyone. I feel like my ideas, opinions, etc., should be the world. I fully believe I am correct. But I am also 100% sure that everyone thinks the same about their own ideas. Back in my Grade 12 philosophy course I would always answer questions by first stating that there is no correct answer because everyone's views are different, and would go on to tell my views and explain why.

I just have to accept that not everybody is going to agree with me. I just hope that there are some groups of people that will listen to me.

I have 2 last little tidbits about atheism to dissolve away from my rant...

1. I was considering getting an atheist themed tattoo, mostly just because people's cross tattoos annoy me, but also because I am an atheist and I wanted to display it. I soon talked myself out of it because I rationalized that it is weird to display that I have a belief in something that is a belief that something doesn't exist. It's like getting a tattoo saying "Frog-birds don't exist" to me. So I am not getting it, because I think it's weird.

2. My book. I shall reveal a little more. Not too much, though. I don't want my blog to become my process and ideas of my book. I already said that:

1. I am writing a book about atheism

2. It is comical

Now I shall reveal sort of the premiss. It is directed for the atheist reader, although some aspects may apply to theists. It's sort of a how-to book for atheists, but it is all completely bogus stuff, making it funny. Sort of. I may change some parts, I have barely started it. It is still in the brainstorming process. It will forever be in the brainstorming process, until it is published (which I hope someday, it will be). 

Does anybody else get really annoyed when someone has the complete opposite idea about something that you believe in? 

Anger, yelling, teaching.

I feel like something a lot of people don't know about me is my anger.

I generally feel like I give off a off-putting vibe when I am upset about something, but I generally don't yell at people.

At home, when I get mad with my mom, I always yell and get quite angry. Usually anger and a loss of patience goes hand in hand. In peer tutoring today I was so tempted to yell at a few different students. There was a supply teacher who wasn't controlling the class, and at one point when she was talking, literally every single student was whispering/talking/on their phone. I was about ready to stand up and tell them to cut it out, but I didn't want to override the supply teacher, so I didn't.

I can get quite angry at times. It is scary when I am. I feel like I lose my temper when I am really pissed off or passionate about something.

I also have a feeling I am probably going to lose my temper in residence at university. If I have a fucking stupid roommate, I am going to probably yell at them.

I don't have the best techniques. I feel like some people just should never be yelled at- ever, they just can't handle it. But other people can handle it. Sometimes yelling is the option.

In law we also talked about how teachers can still technically, legally use corporal punishment. I couldn't imagine ever, as a teacher, hitting a student. But today, I wished I could've smacked this one kid. I feel like a little smack could get them to shut the fuck up and listen to me.

When I'm a teacher I'm probably going to be really weird- as I have discussed before, that I am weird, and will probably use really weird teaching techniques. But I will not tolerate people not paying attention to me teaching. I will yell at them and embarrass them. Talking it out may work with most people, but haven't you seen at least one student who is always "talked to" and suspended, but never changes? I feel like if somebody really tried to yell at them that they would listen. It's all about discipline and controlling the room.

I've only really had one teacher that enforces this a lot. I read a book where this whole school was under very strict discipline and they all acted so calm and collected, which I thought was weird and unethical. After today I think it is perfectly fine.

I have only really had two teachers full out YELL at the class. I didn't care for one of them, and the other was okay. I have had many teachers get disappointed and strict with us. I had this one teacher that always gave us these huge lectures with a domineering tone. They were good and people shut up and listened to her, but nothing really changed, and she gave these lectures way too frequently.

I don't know.

I personally hate being yelled at. Depending who is yelling at me, I will just yell back, some people I might just take it from, but most I will yell back.

I remember in the Freedom Writers' Diary movie, Ms. Gruwell yelling at this one student who said he deserved a failing grade, because she felt like it was a huge "fuck you" to her and him. I think this is the type of thing that should actually be practiced.

There is no need to yell when you are working one-on-one with a student, because you can easily just talk to them. But if you have a class of 20+ students, yelling is the one thing to get them to all simultaneously shut the hell up.

Whatever. I think it's fine for teachers to yell at students, I will probably do it, and that is all I have to say.