I'm sick and tired of not being sick, so I'm going to be unhealthy

Allow me to explain the title of this post.

I am quite healthy. I am 18 in 11 days, up until before this summer started I had never smoked, never been drunk, I had run 2 half marathons, a 30k, I ate rather healthy (rarely eating sweets, I don't drink pop, chips, etc) and I was pretty balanced out. The only thing any doctors had any concern over was my caffeine consumption, which is rather high.

But other than that, I have always been average weight, on the cusp of being underweight, but I was never underweight. I worked out, running and lifting weights 4-6 times a week for 1-2 hours per session.

But that was before.

Now I still run, I still go to the gym. Not as often, around 4 times a week, but I rarely get in a good 2 hour workout anymore. I don't have the time now that I am in university.

I still do not drink alcohol, although I do plan to drink eventually. I just don't have access to alcohol and it is still technically illegal for me to drink, anyways.

I do smoke cigarettes. Not often. It was a choice that I made, nobody peer pressured me into anything, I just chose to. I smoke maybe 5-8 cigarettes a month. Not packs, individual cigarettes. I understand that each one takes away from my life, I know it is making me unhealthy. But guess the what? I am doing it anyways even though I fully realize how stupid it is- this is how stupid I am. Also I ran 45km this week and I have also smoked 2 cigarettes as well. It's more than what you're doing. I'm still lapping all of you.

I have began eating worse, as well. I still eat healthy a lot, but when I eat unhealthy I barely eat that day. I might have like almost 800mg of caffeine, and then ice cream and chocolate and maybe breakfast on top of that.

Why am I letting go of my health when it is so important to me?

Well, honestly, why does it matter? We are all going to die. I am still running and lifting weights, it's just I have less time and now my body is gaining weight and losing muscle, even though I am still probably working out about 8 hours a week.

I am not giving up on my physical fitness. I am planning on eating healthier again, soon. I am not where I am living this week so it has been harder. I also went on a weekend trip which threw me off and I also have midterms right now. So that I suppose does give some excuse to my eating habits. But I still plan to get back on track this week.

But I am smoking. Why do I smoke? I want to. It is nice to wind down with, it helps me relax and focus.

All I know is that I am going to ruin my heart. Studies show that running is actually super bad for your heart. Apparently there are heart issues in the family, with blood clotting (even with healthier members). My 10 year old cousin had a heart murmur just last year, and she is 10! I am starting a medication soon which has side effects of thickening blood (especially when you combine cigarettes). Well, I am going to have a heart attack. I am going to keep running. I am going to run a marathon this May (hopefully). I am going to take these pills even though I really don't want to. I am going to keep smoking.

My doctor also literally told me I am going to get cervical cancer because I didn't get the HPV vaccine. Well, I am sorry guys. I am going to get cancer and have a heart attack and die.

Bye guys, bye.

The unique reason I was told not to major in Philosophy

Hi, my name is Sarah and I am majoring in Philosophy.

Now that the introductions are over because I don't care who you are, I can get to my blog post. That was sarcasm and I feel the need to point it out because I have enough trouble trying to convince people I am not rude.

I have been told by many different people not to major in philosophy. Most people when I tell them my major is philosophy say nothing but there is the odd person that comes out with some weird comment.

Before I get to the unique reason, here is a list of things people have said to me after I told them I was majoring in philosophy:

"So, do you like sciences or maths at all?"

"Haha, so you can find the meaning of life?"

"What's philosophy? Is that like psychology?"

"Why?"

"Who is your favourite philosopher?"

"What are you going to do with that?"

"You know what philosophers do, right?"

"Hahahhahaha"

"You can't do anything with a degree in philosophy"

Usually after I tell people that I am majoring in philosophy they tend to avoid eye contact like I'm some kind of gadfly that's going to fly into their eyes or something.

Anyways, on Tuesday I was talking to 2 psychiatrists (I will explain why I was talking to two psychiatrists in a separate blog post, soon) and I told them I was majoring in philosophy and then they said something along the lines of
"Maybe philosophy isn't the best major for you because your brain is more in the air and you need to stay grounded".

The whole time they were explaining this to me I was thinking about society and stuff I should've probably been telling them but they were pissing me off with that comment.

I was thinking "Yes, my ideas are different, they aren't normal, they aren't 'grounded' but they are realistic."

If I said that I thought my ideas were realistic to them, I think they would've died of laughter.

Why are my ideas realistic? Societally, they are not realistic. I don't think god exists and for some reason that seems preposterous to people. Yet realistically, god doesn't exist.

I don't think life has meaning, I am a nihilist and to society that seems weird. Yet realistically, life has no natural purpose. It has a societal purpose.

My ideas are raw, my beliefs aren't beliefs except when facts don't exist and my ideas are depressing. My ideas are depressing. It feels nice to say that.

But the thing is that since my ideas are depressing, suddenly that makes me not 'grounded' because having depressive thoughts isn't normal. That should be a question not a statement. Are depressive thoughts not normal?

Depressing thoughts are normal. I heard a statistic on the radio that said 1 in 5 people of people are diagnosed with depression or have depression at some point in their life. If 1/5 of people have depression it is not even that far fetched of a thing to have then, is it?

Anyways, I wasn't diagnosed with depression by these psychiatrists, but that's besides the point.

The point is that I am the most grounded person I know. I am more realistic than most people I know. Maybe my ideas aren't the "norm" but they are certainly more realistic than whatever the hell most people are thinking these days. So if being a non-conformist isn't being grounded than I can't wait to start floating the fuck around in my no-gravity zone. There's not much traffic up there, so I don't have to wait or worry about being late to work. I can just float the fuck out of that shit.

Oh goodness, I just realized I said "My ideas are raw" earlier. I am keeping it there for hilarity's sake, but don't you ever let me say that again.


If I told you I was majoring in philosophy, what would you say?
Do you have a weird major or major in philosophy like me, how do you respond to people's comments?