Grass over Walls (Poem on growing up)

Cyclopean walls enclose life.

Only socks and underwear are the attire.

I hate my stomach.

When did I lose my abs?

I am only 17.

Time goes by.

Soon my room will be 5 hours away.

It will not miss me;

I will barely miss it.

But I will miss my abs.

Youth is like grass that has grown far too tall,
it must be snipped,
groomed,
tastefully and not pruned (the pruning can wait).
The grass goes through its seasons
changing constantly,
With or without the consent of nature.
Nature forces it to grow,
it is inevitable.
But sometimes it has to grow on its own,
without nature.

A choice the grass makes? Or do the cells?
Those little tiny things that somehow make us, us.

'What is the time of societal growth into adulthood?' asks the sociologist.
Time really only does exist in the mind of the society, right?

The tattoo of the clock onto society,
How foolish of us.
Why does the darkness of the earth tell us it is time to sleep?
Maybe it is time to dance,
or cry, shout, wash the dishes, if one needs.
Why does the light need to tell us to work tirelessly?
Maybe it is time to write,
or ski, sleep, bathe, if one needs.

Let our watches not reflect the sky.
Let our watches reflect our bodies' desires.

Desires?
I am only 17.
s   t   i   l   l
   o   n   l   y
      1   7

I have lived more than the average 17 year old.
I suppose that is my perspective;
Much like society's perspective of time.


No longer will these cyclopean walls entrap me.
Soon I will be gone.
My grass will grow beyond what the seasons allow,
Without being mowed.
It will grow over the cyclopean walls,
The roots of the grass are to be:
p   u   l   l   e  d, snipped and ripped
out of the previous earth,
to enter the new parts.

The growth will happen in time.
Time is soon.
True age does not matter, only earth's age.
Society's age.
Time is soon.
Waiting.
Waiting to be 18.

An adult.
A qualified adult. Legal.
I was an adult years ago.
But nobody knew.
Society has to snip the ends of the grass,
and refuses to recognize if I already have.

____________s_i_d_e___n_o_t_e________________

I am just playing around with poetry.
Do not fuss.
I am not a poet.
Just a person with thoughts.
A person with thoughts who likes to write them
out
on
different
lines.
Because somehow,
that makes them more
i m p o r t a n t.

Letting go of smother (poem)

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

― Deborah Reber

Your child is going off into the world,
let go.
The hardest part is to come,
The hard work is done.
Nature shows us the natural ability to let go.
Trees change, birds part, grass grows;
Life goes on.
Just let go.

My mother is having the hardest time letting go of me.
I push her away and she just will not leave me be.

This is harder for me than the average person.
She is a single mother of one;
I am her only child.
She has no husband to go back to,
No younger child to pester,
nothing.

People always say that you will want to go back to visit;
I refuse to be apart of the boomerang generation.

I do not want to live in this house.

This is not my house, this is her house. I am a guest here now, even though I haven't left.

I do not need someone hovering over me and telling me
"Do not buy a car, you can not afford it!"
"Do not go out into the dark!"
"Wash the dishes!"
 I need someone to                                   l       e      t                    g      o

Let me make my own mistakes.

Let me go.
I am not yours;
I was never yours.

I was never yours.
You gave me life but you do not own me.
I am not your sim that you can use in real life.

I have my own thoughts which are completely different from yours.

You are theist, 

I am atheist.

You are frugal,

I am not.

You are old,

I am not.

You are spiritual,

I am not.

You are uneducated,

I am not.

But the thing is, I was born in October 1995. 

I am not 18 until the end of October.

Not a legal adult? The law should not matter.

She thinks since I am not legal,

she can still be able to dictate my life.

From 5 hours away.

Your essence is not even of a mother.

It is of a daughter,

telling her elderly mother to stay away from danger.

I say 'I know what I am doing'

But my mother-daughter doesn't trust me.

No trust. 

The last time I needed someone out of my life was 2011.

The 'friend' who just had to end.

But 'mother' has no end. 

But with an 's' it could be smother.

No carnations for the smother.

No letters.

Sometimes letting go requires a push.

I just hope it is not me pushing myself

at the edge.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I am going to university this fall and my mother is having the hardest time not comprehending that she does not control me. 

Fuck me

Hello there cliff. You're looking pretty sexy at this point in time.

What's new, Scooby-Doo?

I am going to be focusing on a few key things to get my mind established. Logic make some of? Grammar make good of!

Okay, so I have a few things to talk about.

1. My recent trip to visit the university I will be attending this fall

2. Current things I am thinking about

3. What I am thinking of doing as a career

4. Poetry

(Oh boy)

1. My Recent Trip to the University I will be attending this fall

I am going to be attending Nipissing University this fall and for the third time I visited the university for an Orientation. What was nice about this one is that you actually get to meet students that are in your program, or ones similar. I got to meet a few interesting individuals and some people too! (Cue the laugh track). Sorry, bad joke. No, I got to meet a few interesting students, which was nice. There weren't any other people (that I noticed/met) that were also in philosophy. I met one other in political science with me. I met a bunch of people from History and Fine Arts. I also met two interesting professors. 

My mom and I stayed in the residence there, and it was really nice. I was sitting in the room on my ipad eating soup (this sounds sad, but it wasn't) and I was just thinking about how in two months, this will be where I am living (not that exact dorm house/room, but you get the point). 

Overall I had a good time. I didn't learn too much. I did learn now I cannot complete a BEd at Nipissing, which I wasn't necessarily planning to do, anyways. I can go somewhere else (as long as I am accepted). But Nipissing is no longer accepting psychology and political science as teachables, so I can't enter the BEd program afterwards. I might go to York, but that is very far into the future.

2.  Current things I am thinking about

Time to enter my mind. I am thinking about reading a lot. 

Thinking about reading.

Not even reading. Well, I am.

I know I am going to be doing a lot of reading in university, which I don't mind, but I just have a slight concern. I cannot stay awake while reading something that doesn't interest me. This may apply to many different people, but it applies especially to me. In grade 12 english I was literally trying so many different things to stay awake while reading Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh (which I originally chose to read for my independent study). I would overload on caffeine, contort my body into different positions, get comfortable, get uncomfortable, go in bright light... nothing would work. I kept falling asleep. Literally passing out. I think my solution to this in university will be reading in a public place. I hate falling asleep in public places, so I will probably read somewhere public like the library, but sit somewhere with minimal distraction so I can focus. 

Another thing about reading is that I got a bunch of books from Amazon.ca and Chapters.ca to read this summer. I am halfway through one already. It is a book of poetry, but I will talk more of this later.

3. What I am thinking of doing as a career (Also, what's my major?)

Since I was at Nipissing the past two days, I have really been thinking hardcore about my major. If you follow my blogs, you know this is a common theme I talk about. What will I study? What will I do as a career? 

Currently I am choosing to double-major in either Philosophy, Psychology or Political Science. I am pretty much 100% going to be studying philosophy, but obviously, I am not going to commit until I have to. I am taking all of the first year prerequisites for these subjects and I don't have to declare my major until I begin selecting my second year courses. 

I want to take philosophy because it combines a few of my favourite things: thinking, questioning things, history, greece/rome, eastern cultures. I like to think about thinking, it is as simple as that. (Or is it?)

I want to take political science because it is interesting to me and I may possibly want to be a politician someday. So that could be a good choice.

I want to take psychology because I love education and psychology has a strong focus and interweaving with education. I also love the mind and thinking (as related to philosophy). 

In the end, I want to become either a politician, teacher or professor. I want to either be a strong political influence or politician (a MPP or City councillor or mayor), be high up in the school board, be a principal or do something do help education, or be a teacher of philosophy and whatever my second teachable turns out to be in a high school setting, and lastly I might want to be an education professor. 

I don't need to choose (yet). It's just haunting me. 

4. Poetry

As stated earlier, I have been more interested in poetry lately. Most poetry goes completely over my head and I dislike it, but I have this small book of poetry written by a Canadian, just based of of their life. It is interesting to me. I think I find it interesting just because I think people are interesting... and this poetry helps me get into the mind of this random person. It's not hard to understand, it's pretty clearly stated.

I didn't like the Poetry unit too much in my writer's craft class in high school, but now I don't mind poetry. I started writing some stuff, and I will be honest with you - I am not good at it. 

My mind doesn't write in verses yet. It can't be poetic. I think the more poetry I read, the better I will get.

And that is it for now. I am hopefully going to stay on top of blogging. I am going to be reading more often, so I might blog about things I am reading about. Who knows? Life is a mystery.