Analyzing a quote of mine

I was glancing through my blog and I came across the sentence "Life is just depressing me, but in a good way" in my blog post "Even I don't know what I'm talking about here" in the first paragraph. I've decided to try to pick that sentence apart, because not only is it good practice for me, as I am an English minor but I am crazy. 

So, let's get started. 

Am I happy that life is depressing me? Do I like the drama of a depressing life? I think many people do. A lot of people on tumblr are obsessed with looking out of bay windows on rainy days with coffee and cats and are contempt with this utter sadness. This isn't depression, but I am just saying that depression has been somewhat romanticized by the over-dramatic.  What do I mean by this? I think that many young adults feel like depression is a good thing. Arguably, I may have been in this position at one time or another. Why is it a good thing? It gives you a different perspective on life. Since I am more of a realist than an optimist, depression seems pretty damned amazing to help me achieve my realistic point of view. Although depression and being a realist are not causal of each other or required for one another at all. 

So am I involved in this dramatic romanticization of depression? I don't think so. Now follow me. I don't think I am because I think I am. Here is my argument: people often say that you don't have to worry about being a psychopath if you yourself can ask yourself that question and think you might be, because a psychopath will never think they are a psychopath. It is sort of the same as saying that a hipster can only be a hipster if they say they are not a hipster. Weird? It's a very flawed argument, but I think to a degree I am able to romanticize depression and someone follow this doctrine, but then again, since I think I do, I probably am not.

So what do I mean by "Life is just depressing me, but in a good way". Maybe it has to do with working hard and getting payed off? School makes me sad, but going through this sadness can result in happiness. This could be it... but I don't think I would think like that except in cases like right now, because I am analyzing it.

What was the context? In my blog post I almost seem like I am 'giving up on life'. So maybe I am simply just enjoying this depressing aspect of life? 

I guess nobody knows. Hell, the blog post that I am quoting from is titled "Even I don't know what I'm talking about here", here being in reference to my blog. So I guess even I don't know. Maybe I was just trying to reflect upon the post title by concluding the first paragraph.

I never write proper paragraphs in my blogs. I always just begin a new line when I have a different point or when I pause my thinking. It's an informal blog, not an essay.

Anyways. I guess that's it for now. I am off to read a section of Martha C. Nussbaum's Other Times, Other Places: Homosexuality in Ancient Greece for my 3rd year Philosophy of Sex and Love class. 

I will post again someday. 

My Life: now in confusing prose.

I've been scraping and nicking my knees along rock bottom, fighting and screaming ensuring I don't get caught. All people are trying not to get caught. Life really does suck.

Refutation of my frustration of my own successes. Successes are social media posts while failures do not exist:  they are enhanced. Enhanced from nothing. Nothing is still something because it exists. This is my life. Success is how I feel 

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with my love. Love. Love. Love. LOVE. Sheets only block us from each other when we move close. Sleeping is easy. Waking up to you is like Christmas-- until realization of the dreaded stress of the day. You are the presents on my Christmas morning and shield me from the stresses of family, being snowed in and cleaning the dishes after the meal. We are voices of reason to each other. You help me from making poor choices

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alcohol. I thought I was exaggerating my addiction. Drinking is as natural as driving on a road. Both activities are thought easy to quit but to Mr. Man quitting driving after 40 years and never taking any other methods of transportation is difficult. Quitting is not a journey. Do not call it a journey. Alcohol is amazing to me when I am drinking it. But any other time is

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WORK. Saturday 9am: By myself at work, shaking, trembling, hiding tears from customers. Withdrawal. 1pm: Coworker. Hide it. Darken. Goodbye. My career will not be

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work. Work is... fuck. Friends are here though. Wasted time for money though. Though it is all worth it 

because

home to you my dear. 

Perspective Post #2

Here is my second perspective post. This is on my relationship with my boyfriend.

Since we have seen each other basically everyday since Christmas and have been living together for 2 months now, me going back to visit my mom, friends and school was the first time I have been away from him, even though it was only for about 3 days. This seems sad.

Here is how I felt:

When I first left I cried a little bit. I had one crying bout in the car after I was about 40 mins away from where I live, and another one while out for a walk at 11pm once I got to my mom's.

To describe how I felt: I felt like I was going through boyfriend withdrawal. As simple as that. I felt like I was going through a physical withdrawal, my stomach was upset, I was sad. I talked to him on the phone twice that night, for about 5 minutes each time. After the last time we talked I suddenly felt better. We didn't even say anything overly interesting. I specifically remember stating "There are so many worms outside right now. At least like three per sidewalk block".

I don't know.

Anyways, I quickly saw how I fell back into my life that was there. I felt normal being there, not that I don't feel normal here, I just felt like it was a year ago.

Despite me missing my boyfriend, I was happy with my time there. I did realize that I was being a bit clingy lately. I realized this before I left. I was having issues with time between us, even though we were seeing each other quite a bit.

I was also starting to get naggy.

Stepping away from him for a few days allowed me to not only realize this but dwell on it for a while.

I have made up my mind about some things with my relationship I will not post here but I will say that I am very happy in my relationship.

Getting a few days apart here and there is a good thing. I did realize I don't think I would ever be able to do long distance though, even with skype and text. Maybe a month apart wouldn't be terrible, but a semester or a year would hurt. I don't see myself doing this at all. Even though I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, and I would do anything for him, a huge part of our relationship is being physically together and removing that from the equation makes me unhappy.

One of the main reasons I love him so much is because he makes me happy and if we are apart for too long and I am unhappy, that is just counterproductive.

But we have no reason to do long-distance so I shouldn't dwell on it any longer.

I am just happy to have him in my life and plan to have him in my life as long as I possibly can.

I love you, Nick.

What does "living a life" even mean?

LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Be free.

Images tend to pop into my head of beaches, wind, running in fields, drinking water and tea, jumping, smiling and all bright scenery.

I keep striving to live my life, when life really isn't like any of those things. Those things are mostly what "life" looks like in yogurt commercials, or just media in general. Happiness fades to white in the movies.

I keep trying to "live my life" without a clue except those put out by the media. While I've been trying to figure out how to "live my life" life is just happening. I have realized this and then I think, "I need to stop pretending to live my life and ACTUALLY live my life". That is when I begin to think about travel, going for walks, eating healthy and writing. It is a bit more realistic, and that is what I want.

But really I should be focusing on everything in life. I tend to think I am not even living when I am at work. I am just acting in a role, which is true. I am just doing whatever at work to get by.

My point is that these dumb images implanted into our minds about "living" are really corrupting our idea of what "living" looks like.

For example: This yogurt  commercial

Really? It shows a mother and daughter walking on a sidewalk, and the mother decides to jump into a puddle in heels because she has strong bones because of yogurt.

After she jumps into the puddle she runs/walks away with her daughter, "living life".

Okay, jumping into a puddle has nothing to do with life as a whole, but at the end of the commercial as the music gets gleeful and louder, arguably, she seems to have a super happy life, ultimately because of yogurt. What? Okay.

Here is another commercial, by Dove chocolate that demonstrates my point with greater strength.

The commercial begins to talk about stresses women go through in terms of beauty, and tells you "We're only human". Sure, this is a positive message. But the commercial still makes one seem like life is suddenly completely at bliss, for just a moment while eating Dove chocolate.

Have you tried to eat chocolate and feel like that? I have. Sure, you can act like you are enjoying the hell out of that piece of chocolate, but it really does not do much. Dove chocolate is not going to give you bliss and allow you to "live your life".

It is commercials and media like this that confuse everyone's idea of "living a life".

I don't like the phrase "Live your life" or anything like that anymore. It has a weird connotation of jumping and running in fields which never really happens.

Living your life is what you are doing right now. All I really get from the phrase "live your life" denotatively is not to die. So really, by saying "live your life", you are denotatively saying "don't die". Connotations have things like field running.

I always had this image in my mind of living on a farm, with a huge house but no barn animals besides a horse or two. Just having a large field to be able to go into, write in, walk through, dare I say to run through. But now I look at this with realistic eyes and although this could happen, it is not what my life is ultimately leading up to. Also, yogurt will not help this. Earning money with hard work will. My life wouldn't even be bliss if this image became reality because I would still have to have money to either buy a lawnmower or hire a lawn mower to mow the huge lawn. I would still have to pay for the house, upkeep, bills. Even that wouldn't be bliss.

Nothing is bliss, really. I suppose that is arguable. The definition of "bliss" is paradise, perfect happiness, etc. Nothing is really perfect, therefore bliss does not exist. There is no such thing as perfection. The mug I am drinking my coffee out of has no chips or stains on it, but it is still not perfect. I am left handed so I don't look at the design on the front of the mug while drinking. It doesn't keep my coffee warm. Where does perfection start and end? It really doesn't. Perfection is an idea that exists but it cannot be experienced. We could perhaps feel a false perfection for brief periods of time, but it isn't permanent and also is not even a true sense of perfection. True perfection is not there. Find any example and prove it to me, maybe I will change my mind.

All I know is that that perfect "life living" that is depicted in these commercials is not there.

Do you have an image of "life living" different from these commercials? I am interested in what men think, since these commercials tend to be focused on women. Do you feel the same way? Is your "life living" different (like throwing a football to your sons)? I feel like I've seen commercials like that. Getting out of your nice car, throwing a football to your son while your labrador follows you. I don't know, you tell me.

Use logic and don't be hopeful (not always) PART 2

Here lies my original post

This is in response to my previous post. I claimed that hope, dreams and faith are almost useless since there can always be a physical action you can do to work towards a real goal rather than hoping for a dream to come true.

This is completely true and I hold my ground when I say that "hoping, wishing and praying" do nothing but I have pondered upon this subject even more since than and arrived at a new answer.

Although you can do things to work towards a goal, it can get extreme. For example: Let's say you have a goal to buy a $100 shirt because you love it so much but you only have $20. You earn $20 a week but you don't want to wait. You could just wait and then buy the shirt but you could always sell some of your old items online or in a yard sale or offer people to house sit or baby sit to earn more money faster.

But the extreme route would be to do things outside your comfort zone or with the use of effort that outweighs the benefit of getting the shirt. For example, if your morals state you are against prostitution and you sleep with someone for the shirt, that is probably extreme in your books. If you desperately spend hours and days looking for a second job ONLY for the shirt, that may also be extreme.

Even though you could do these things, they become illogical when they become extreme because the costs outweigh the benefits.

My original blog post title was "Use logic and don't be hopeful". Well by using logic you could determine when the costs outweigh the benefits and once they do it becomes illogical. I think this is when things like dreaming and hoping are useful.

But let's say you are fighting for your life the costs are probably not ever going to outweigh the benefits so it would be useless to dream, hope or wish.

This is just something that stupidly didn't come across my mind when I wrote the original post.

That is all!

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My life is imagined

On Friday I was on stumbleupon and came across this post.

Number 4 of that post really caught my eye.

Essentially, the author stated that most of life is imagined. It really makes sense and kind of explained a lot.

As humans we spend so much time thinking, that thinking is really a large part of our lives. Even if it isn't just thinking about what's for dinner or what the meaning of life is.

I find myself running through random scenarios in my head all of the time. Often I'll take events or conversations that happened, and re-imagine them to go the way I wanted, or even a completely terrible way.

I really can't help my mind that much. It just wanders and then suddenly I realize that no, I have not won the lottery, or no, I have not lost all of my teeth, and that I am actually just sitting at my desk.

I know I can't be alone in this. But I do feel like I do this a lot more than the average person, because I like to spend a lot of time by myself. If I am doing something menial, like my job, or cleaning or going for a run or walk, or I am at the gym, I tend to imagine a lot of things.

So I realized: That a lot of my life IS imagined. Even more than the average person.

I don't think it is a bad thing, I like my imaginations in my life. As a kid I had imaginary friends, now I don't go to that extent now, but I do like to run scenarios through my head and picture how things might be different if X happened or if Y happened.

The author pointed to the quote "I've been through some terrible things in my life, some of which have actually happened" by Mark Twain.

I love this quote so much. I relate to this so well. Quite often when I can't sleep at night it's because I am imagining some intense, bad, terrifying scenario, and I can't shake it. This just reminds me of that quote. I think it is kind of funny.

This is also an amazing post about imagination and how big of a role it plays.

Man, I love my imagination.