Can't wait

All my life I have just wanted to grow up. Be older.

I wanted to be able to make decisions on my own, have my own family, and get out of school.

This has been me for a long time. Especially once I hit high school. It has just... developed. I just want to have kids right now. I want to be out of university now. I want to have my first house now.

I feel like mentally I am 29. Why do I want to grow up so bad?

I can't think of anything really in my past in which I had to accept responsibility for that would make me want to grow older... if that makes sense. I don't think its connected to my dad passing away or moving to Belleville or anything.

Maybe its just because my mom smothers me so much? But thats still not just the only thing...

Is it possible that those "parts" of my brain that people talk about that teenagers don't have or haven't developed enough, I already have?

Science seems to be so obsessed with parts of the brain that still have not developed yet, which explain why teenagers act irrationally or more like without thinking through the consequences. Ie., hopping in cars with drunks, drinking, smoking, pretty much any of these type of things you can think of, which you may think are not the best choices. But in the moment, science says teenagers aren't able to think out their actions fully to see the consequences, so they just do that thing.

That is not me! Not me at all! I over think everything. Including this.

I've never made any "poor choices" which really, based on my philosophy, there is no such thing as poor choices. There can be no general idea of what a poor choice is. If you think what you did was a poor choice, then it was a poor choice. If somebody else thinks what you did is a poor choice, it was a poor choice to them, but that does not change your opinion of whether or not what you did was bad or not.

But by me saying there is "no such thing as poor choices" does not mean that I will judge people and that I will think they made a poor choice. But although I think they made a poor choice, they may not think they have.

Okay, anyways, this isn't a philosophy lesson.

I'm just tired of being treated like a "teenager" when I am not one. I have approached this topic in almost every post I have written, I swear. It is just one of my biggest.. pet peeves is not the word I am looking for.

I just don't get the appeal of acting irrationally. It doesn't appeal to me to get shit faced and party. It doesn't appeal to me to randomly sext and send nudes. I am not sorry. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why would I participate in something that doesn't interest me in the slightest?

But I can't wait for University. I want out of university now. But that is obviously not happening since I am not done high school.

I decided. I am moving the fuck out. I am not even going into University residence. People say I need it for the "Experience". Yes, what experience? The partying aspect? Social aspect? Sorry... have you met me? I am independent and quiet. I think I would do perfectly fine not in residence thank-you very much.

The only issue might be travel... but it depends. I am not going to have a car. But I am going to find an apartment and move out permanently out of Belleville. No "coming home for summer" shit. I am getting out.

Anyways. Enough rant for tonight.

Quote: I'm not saying that University/College is a good idea or a bad idea, its up to you. The government wants you to get higher education, but if that is not something you want to do, then fuck society.