Amen

If I was a horse I would charge down all of my problems with the face of modesty and the chest of strength
If I was a penguin I would slide around and waddle by, ignoring all of the things around
If I was a dog I would stay by the people that love me and bite the ones that are mean to me
If I was an eagle I would fly away, and attack those who I hate and envy
If I was a squirrel I would run wild and free without a care or a slight thought of what the earth was
If I was a deer I would stand proud for those things I believe in and run in dangerous situations
If I was an alpaca I'd spit upon any bitch that tries to touch me
If I was a goose I'd approach only those who I trust, and swim from those who scare me
If I was a cat I'd stick my nose up and show people how great I am
If I was a lion I would roar as loud as I can to scare away the enemy
If I was an elephant I would stand loud and proud and ignore the people who hate me
If I was a peacock, I wouldn't care who the hell saw my damned feathers, I'd show them off
If I was a snake I'd slither into places I shouldn't be to find out what people really thought of me, then bite of their necks
If I was a bear I would chase my enemies up a tree and scare the shit out of them
If I was a swan I wouldn't be self conscious about my body and I would show my true beauty
If I was a monkey I would throw bananas at any fucking threat near me
If I was a fish I would swim down deeper from my enemies, so they wouldn't find me
If I was a sloth, I would fucking slo-mo slap the bitch out of that chick
If I was a rabbit I would hop into the arms of another who still thought I was cute
If I was an alligator, I'd fucking eat you and get the strength of 2 bitches
If I was a raccoon I'd dig through the garbage and find out your secrets to use them against you
If I was a cow I'd fucking shit on your feet
If I was a lobster I'd snap the fuck out of your fingers
If I was a frog I'd jump on your head and scare the shit out of you
If I was a snail I'd get in my shell and hide
If I was a chicken I'd peck at your eye

But since I'm a human, I'll blog about it.
And probably talk shit about you to whoever whoever I trust and will listen.