SANITY.
So lately, I have been overanalyzing myself. By lately, I mean the past 5 years of my life.
But I have been thinking about my Sanity and insanity lately. Maturity vs immaturity. This is because I have realized something (I think).
I am insane. Clinically considered--- insane. I do weird strange random things, which I guess could be normal. But I have weird thoughts. I feel like some of my classmates view me as some crazy philosopher. Like if you imagine a crazy scientist, except I hate science.
But maybe I am not insane. Maybe I just THINK I am insane.
Like, maybe everybody else sees me as insane, because that is how society perceives me. Maybe sanity and insanity don't exist.
Maybe I am being a skeptic right now.
I have thought deeply into what it means to be someone. I think that a person has as many personalities as they have people they know. Every person sees something different in everyone. For example, the people in cross country don't know much about me, as opposed to some of my friends. But there are things that people in cross country know about me that my friends don't. So everyone perceives me differently.
Not only this, but I feel like I act different around different people, which is inevitable (THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I HAVE USED THIS WORD TODAY AND I AM VERY PROUD OF MYSELF) but it is just interesting to think about.
Like, how I act around my friend Lucas. I am pretty much crazy 100% of the time, acting weird, no normal conversations happen between us.
But around my teachers, I act pretty mature.
Except my history teacher. I am pretty sure she is completely concerned and confused of what to think of me. She has known me since grade 10, and I have had her for 4 history courses. In grade 10 I feel like she didn't think much of me. Immediately after grade 10 (after I gave her the most amazing thank you card) up until the end of grade 11, I think she thought I was an intelligent, nice, kind person. Also, I see her at the library and she probably thought that my personality fits that stereotype. But this year in grade 12, she sees how I act around Lucas, and how I am less quiet and more rowdy. I talk more, and I am more confident... in maybe not a good way.
Not to mention the fact that on those cards that teachers sometimes hand out that you fill out things like your Name, telephone number, and some random questions like "What grade do you hope to achieve" and "What career do you aspire to have?", on the question that asked about the career I responded with "Not aiming towards a career" or something like that.
She knew I wanted to be a psychologist back in grade 11. I am 90% sure she saw that answer of mine as well because one time my friend Lucas, and 2 others in my history class were talking about university stuff, and I noticed her listening in on our conversation when I told them I was going into Philosophy and Political Science. I know she heard that because in history, in our independent projects, I was deciding on a philosopher to do and she mentioned something like "Because you are going into philosophy, right?".
I understand how creepy it is that I remember every detail of this entire relationship I have with her, but she is actually a pretty important person in my life. You don't need to creepily tell her anything, because I am planning on writing her an essay long thank you card again after this semester.
Generally, people's opinions of me don't matter too much. I mean, hers really doesn't, but I think it would be interesting to know it. She just has a really interesting mind to me... okay. Okay. I am reading into this way too much... Oh god. I am crazy.
More proof for society to find me insane!
I used to think I was just acting weird and crazy in front of my friends. But when I started acting this way in front of my cross country team members, and some of my teachers I was just like... okay... this is a part of me.
Back to my whole spiel about how you have as many personalities as you have people that know you... I think that as I said, it is true. But I also think that only one of them matter. The way you think of yourself. So then you might be like "Whaa?" Which one of me? The me that matters. The person you are. You are who you are. So your actions are who you are. If you want them to be. Whatever you say, do, become a part of your past, and your past is who you are, no matter what others say. Some people say "The past is in the past" but we have a past for a reason, to understand the present, and predict the future.
History repeats itself, but only if you let it.
If I go by the english dictionary definition of the word sanity meaning I am sound of mind and judgement, I am definitely not sound.
But I suppose that the actual definition of the word "sanity" can be put into question. Does sanity even exist? Can we actually estimate who a person is? Do we exist?
Philosophical questions. Skeptical questions. It is all good up in here.
I'm insane.
So lately, I have been overanalyzing myself. By lately, I mean the past 5 years of my life.
But I have been thinking about my Sanity and insanity lately. Maturity vs immaturity. This is because I have realized something (I think).
I am insane. Clinically considered--- insane. I do weird strange random things, which I guess could be normal. But I have weird thoughts. I feel like some of my classmates view me as some crazy philosopher. Like if you imagine a crazy scientist, except I hate science.
But maybe I am not insane. Maybe I just THINK I am insane.
Like, maybe everybody else sees me as insane, because that is how society perceives me. Maybe sanity and insanity don't exist.
Maybe I am being a skeptic right now.
I have thought deeply into what it means to be someone. I think that a person has as many personalities as they have people they know. Every person sees something different in everyone. For example, the people in cross country don't know much about me, as opposed to some of my friends. But there are things that people in cross country know about me that my friends don't. So everyone perceives me differently.
Not only this, but I feel like I act different around different people, which is inevitable (THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I HAVE USED THIS WORD TODAY AND I AM VERY PROUD OF MYSELF) but it is just interesting to think about.
Like, how I act around my friend Lucas. I am pretty much crazy 100% of the time, acting weird, no normal conversations happen between us.
But around my teachers, I act pretty mature.
Except my history teacher. I am pretty sure she is completely concerned and confused of what to think of me. She has known me since grade 10, and I have had her for 4 history courses. In grade 10 I feel like she didn't think much of me. Immediately after grade 10 (after I gave her the most amazing thank you card) up until the end of grade 11, I think she thought I was an intelligent, nice, kind person. Also, I see her at the library and she probably thought that my personality fits that stereotype. But this year in grade 12, she sees how I act around Lucas, and how I am less quiet and more rowdy. I talk more, and I am more confident... in maybe not a good way.
Not to mention the fact that on those cards that teachers sometimes hand out that you fill out things like your Name, telephone number, and some random questions like "What grade do you hope to achieve" and "What career do you aspire to have?", on the question that asked about the career I responded with "Not aiming towards a career" or something like that.
She knew I wanted to be a psychologist back in grade 11. I am 90% sure she saw that answer of mine as well because one time my friend Lucas, and 2 others in my history class were talking about university stuff, and I noticed her listening in on our conversation when I told them I was going into Philosophy and Political Science. I know she heard that because in history, in our independent projects, I was deciding on a philosopher to do and she mentioned something like "Because you are going into philosophy, right?".
I understand how creepy it is that I remember every detail of this entire relationship I have with her, but she is actually a pretty important person in my life. You don't need to creepily tell her anything, because I am planning on writing her an essay long thank you card again after this semester.
Generally, people's opinions of me don't matter too much. I mean, hers really doesn't, but I think it would be interesting to know it. She just has a really interesting mind to me... okay. Okay. I am reading into this way too much... Oh god. I am crazy.
More proof for society to find me insane!
I used to think I was just acting weird and crazy in front of my friends. But when I started acting this way in front of my cross country team members, and some of my teachers I was just like... okay... this is a part of me.
Back to my whole spiel about how you have as many personalities as you have people that know you... I think that as I said, it is true. But I also think that only one of them matter. The way you think of yourself. So then you might be like "Whaa?" Which one of me? The me that matters. The person you are. You are who you are. So your actions are who you are. If you want them to be. Whatever you say, do, become a part of your past, and your past is who you are, no matter what others say. Some people say "The past is in the past" but we have a past for a reason, to understand the present, and predict the future.
History repeats itself, but only if you let it.
If I go by the english dictionary definition of the word sanity meaning I am sound of mind and judgement, I am definitely not sound.
But I suppose that the actual definition of the word "sanity" can be put into question. Does sanity even exist? Can we actually estimate who a person is? Do we exist?
Philosophical questions. Skeptical questions. It is all good up in here.
I'm insane.
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