In a Bowl of Kraft Dinner

This is my monologue I had to write for Writer's Craft at school. It got some pretty good laughs in class-- it felt good. I was laughing so hard I couldn't get past the first few lines, so my friend had to finish reading it for me. We had to write a short monologue and it had to be comedic or dramatic-- considering the fact that most people's monologues ended in death, or someone else dying, mine was the funniest one.

Noodle God - Sarah Sceviour

Am I small in a regular sized bowl or am I regular sized in a enormous bowl?

It is so warm in here and smells so cheesy and delectable. If I lick the walls, it tastes amazing. This Kraft Dinner tastes so good and if the noodles weren’t so big, I’d eat my way out! If I reach the floor of this bowl, it gets harder to breathe- it’s a good thing I’m strong enough to pull myself up from the bottom. I have been stuck in this bowl for a long time, at least over 24 hours. I can tell it’s getting late, and dark outside of the bowl. I should get out and return to the regular world, but I can’t seem to lift myself out. At least I have all of the food I can eat!

I might as well try to get to sleep. I’ve had other unsuccessful attempts, but I hope now I can fall asleep. I wish there was a blanket. Although it’s warm in here, it’s very humid. Hmm... what if I just climb inside one of the noodles? That could be comfortable.

This noodle isn’t as comfortable as I thought it would be. It feels weird in here. By arms are stuck by my sides. At least my head is through the hole of the noodle, so I can still breathe! Mmm, cheesy. 

I just realized that if anyone could see me right now, they’d think I was insane. I’m stuck in a tube of macaroni with my head sticking out the top. Oh goodness. 

Okay, I can’t sleep in here. I’ll just slide through the noodle and out the other end.

It’s so gooey, yummy, disgusting and delicious, all at the same time. 

Okay, I’ve been in here for at least 48 hours by now! I’m so tired! I need caffeine!

Oh noodle god, please teleport me out of this bowl!

It’s starting to taste like purple in here. Gross. It smells like chair, too. Whoa, is that noodle over there turning green?

Whoa! Is that what I think it is? That noodle over there is transforming into a person! Hello! Is anyone else in here? Noodle person?

Oh my noodle god! Tina Fey? It’s Tina Fey in noodle form! Tina! Hey Tina! Answer me!

Okay, okay. I’m... so... tired. Why is everything spinning? I feel dizzy. 

Okay, goodnight macaroni. Goodnight Tina Fey.