The role of marriage is changing in society and I am embracing it. Marriage in the coldest sense is useful as two people can support each other emotionally, sexually, financially, physically and psychologically. This idea will probably prevail over time, which is good. Marriage in the oldest sense was those descriptions but under the terms of "creating a household" and maintaining it. So the traditional man working and woman cooking & cleaning is pretty much dead. Sure, women are more inclined to be stay at home moms still, but that is also on the premise that people in marriages have children.
The idea that having children sanctifies a relationship is dead. If you want to have children, go for it, but I don't need offspring to justify my relationship. My fiancé and I help each other in all of the ways married people do. There are big steps and big ways we are helping each other everyday. We do the type of stuff that would probably be a good idea to have a prenup for right now, despite the fact that we are not married. I suppose we are common law now? I think we are. I don't even know.
We were supposed to get married this year on September 3rd, but we are not now. I am beyond annoyed at the reason why, which I will get to soon. Before I explain why I am so upset, let me clarify a few things. I don't want a wedding. Sure, when I first got engaged I looked over my already-pinned pins on Pinterest and added more, as a matter or fact, I made a lot of different boards for my wedding. Then it went on to actually planning the wedding. I couldn't find the perfect place for the perfect price, I kept looking, I kept trying, and eventually I just didn't care anymore. I don't need a wedding. I don't need a big wedding dress (though I already have one). I don't want to have people watching us as we get married, that is so weird.
A wedding is not a performance, but everybody thinks that it is. It is a performance to all that each other's families have done for each other. Parents are thanked for raising the kids, friends and siblings are thanked for being there for them as they grew up, blah blah blah. So in a sense, weddings really do set up to seem like funerals for past lives too. Weddings were created to unify two families together. That is why I want a marriage and not a wedding. I don't want to unify anything. I have said this many years ago on my blog, but families are dead. Sure, they raise you and usually are "there for you" but you don't choose them. Yet, you never "break up" with your family members. Usually when there is an estranged family member, that's all they are. They are still a member of the family, they just did something that the rest of the family can't bare and are embarrassed to have the same last name and shared blood.
Hell, even friendships can have breakups more intense than families. I guess it's the sense that you once chose that friend and now you can un-choose them. Family you can't really do that to. I don't mind my family, they're okay. My mom is there for me and I love a few other family members but most of my family I have no idea what they are up to and I don't care. They don't ask about me, I don't ask about them, there is no need for a reunion.
So why the hell should these people be involved in the relationship that I chose all on my own with nobody's help? We weren't set up, our mothers have met once, our families are not close, why do we need to bring them together?
There is no reason for this bullshittery.
So the reason why I am mad? I planned a wedding. I had finally done it. I was excited, I was extremely pumped to get married and have a wedding with about 20 close family and friends, but the problem: his mother didn't feel included in the planning and she has no more holidays to take time off of work to go to the wedding. Fuck that shit. I planned a wedding, I am not planning another one. NOBODY NEEDS TO PLAN MY WEDDING. I don't even want a wedding! So I gave Nick an ultimatum, since he is the one who wants the wedding, not me. Either we get married on September 3rd like we both wanted, we elope (just the two of us) or he plans a wedding for us dated next year before the summer is over. He chose the latter.
The funny thing is that this September 3rd wedding was an elopement. It was barely a wedding. I was working with a company that specializes in elopements and small weddings.
This is just one of the differences between Nick and I. Although he is not a big "family man" he definitely values family more than I do. I value my mom for what she has done, but I don't "value family". Marriage is about two people. Unless your life is Everybody Loves Raymond, that is.
Anyways. If anyone can think of good ways I can convince Nick to elope with me, that'd be great. His reasoning that he doesn't want to is that "people have to be happy with our wedding for the rest of our lives and he doesn't want people resenting us". Well as true as that is, my wedding I just planned got cancelled, so let's hope I don't resent that either. I doubt that I will, but I guess we will just see what pans out.
Does anybody else share similar feelings about family to me?
The idea that having children sanctifies a relationship is dead. If you want to have children, go for it, but I don't need offspring to justify my relationship. My fiancé and I help each other in all of the ways married people do. There are big steps and big ways we are helping each other everyday. We do the type of stuff that would probably be a good idea to have a prenup for right now, despite the fact that we are not married. I suppose we are common law now? I think we are. I don't even know.
We were supposed to get married this year on September 3rd, but we are not now. I am beyond annoyed at the reason why, which I will get to soon. Before I explain why I am so upset, let me clarify a few things. I don't want a wedding. Sure, when I first got engaged I looked over my already-pinned pins on Pinterest and added more, as a matter or fact, I made a lot of different boards for my wedding. Then it went on to actually planning the wedding. I couldn't find the perfect place for the perfect price, I kept looking, I kept trying, and eventually I just didn't care anymore. I don't need a wedding. I don't need a big wedding dress (though I already have one). I don't want to have people watching us as we get married, that is so weird.
A wedding is not a performance, but everybody thinks that it is. It is a performance to all that each other's families have done for each other. Parents are thanked for raising the kids, friends and siblings are thanked for being there for them as they grew up, blah blah blah. So in a sense, weddings really do set up to seem like funerals for past lives too. Weddings were created to unify two families together. That is why I want a marriage and not a wedding. I don't want to unify anything. I have said this many years ago on my blog, but families are dead. Sure, they raise you and usually are "there for you" but you don't choose them. Yet, you never "break up" with your family members. Usually when there is an estranged family member, that's all they are. They are still a member of the family, they just did something that the rest of the family can't bare and are embarrassed to have the same last name and shared blood.
Hell, even friendships can have breakups more intense than families. I guess it's the sense that you once chose that friend and now you can un-choose them. Family you can't really do that to. I don't mind my family, they're okay. My mom is there for me and I love a few other family members but most of my family I have no idea what they are up to and I don't care. They don't ask about me, I don't ask about them, there is no need for a reunion.
So why the hell should these people be involved in the relationship that I chose all on my own with nobody's help? We weren't set up, our mothers have met once, our families are not close, why do we need to bring them together?
There is no reason for this bullshittery.
So the reason why I am mad? I planned a wedding. I had finally done it. I was excited, I was extremely pumped to get married and have a wedding with about 20 close family and friends, but the problem: his mother didn't feel included in the planning and she has no more holidays to take time off of work to go to the wedding. Fuck that shit. I planned a wedding, I am not planning another one. NOBODY NEEDS TO PLAN MY WEDDING. I don't even want a wedding! So I gave Nick an ultimatum, since he is the one who wants the wedding, not me. Either we get married on September 3rd like we both wanted, we elope (just the two of us) or he plans a wedding for us dated next year before the summer is over. He chose the latter.
The funny thing is that this September 3rd wedding was an elopement. It was barely a wedding. I was working with a company that specializes in elopements and small weddings.
This is just one of the differences between Nick and I. Although he is not a big "family man" he definitely values family more than I do. I value my mom for what she has done, but I don't "value family". Marriage is about two people. Unless your life is Everybody Loves Raymond, that is.
Anyways. If anyone can think of good ways I can convince Nick to elope with me, that'd be great. His reasoning that he doesn't want to is that "people have to be happy with our wedding for the rest of our lives and he doesn't want people resenting us". Well as true as that is, my wedding I just planned got cancelled, so let's hope I don't resent that either. I doubt that I will, but I guess we will just see what pans out.
Does anybody else share similar feelings about family to me?
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