People close to me worry about my alcohol habits sometimes. This is a warning sign of alcoholism. Granted, I cannot judge my own alcoholism to a T, but I think I can be objective enough about myself to be honest.
First of all: I have had problems with alcohol. I have been addicted to it. But not when people thought I was. Back when I started university I drank a lot, but that was not alcoholism, that was because it was my first year of university and everybody else was.
My problems with alcohol were not always constant, though. For example, in my first year I was not an alcoholic because I would drink at parties or with friends, I was an alcoholic when I put some whisky in my coffee and drank it during class. Why did I do this? Not even for the alcohol, it was for the thrill, most likely. So am I an alcoholic there? Maybe. To some eyes. Probably.
I have had a series of months where I probably drank everyday and I would call that alcoholism to a degree. But me drinking itself wasn't the problem, it was why I was drinking. I think it would be fine to just drink all of the time just to drink as long as your life isn't suffering because of it. But I was drinking because I was unhappy with life, school, money and more. I wasn't drinking to drown the sorrows, but rather to fuel them. Not on purpose, just because I felt like that was what I should do. Why? Who knows. I was in a weird place.
I think I realized I had a problem after two incidents: I drank by myself, about 6 shots worth of vodka mixed in water and I just doused it with those squirt bottles of flavours so I couldn't taste the vodka. I drank them in one hour and ended up puking. Why? I was bored. The other time was when I actually went through alcohol withdrawal while at work. That was scary, but I don't really want to talk about it more than just saying it happened.
So what did I do? I stopped drinking. That's the thing, no matter how hard I hit the liqueur, I can ALWAYS stop. So am I an alcoholic? Same with cigarettes. No matter how hard I hit them I can just stop when I want. I have a lot of self-control in that sense. But I am afraid maybe if I were to abuse liqueur for like a year or two straight or the longer that I do abuse it the harder it would get to stop.
So am I still an alcoholic? I don't think so. According to Mayo Clinic's symptoms, I am not, I have none of these symptoms. But the scary thing is that I have had all of them at some point. But am I still an alcoholic if I once was? I don't think so. I think some people argue that you would be. But if somebody loses 150lbs are they still fat? No. Even if they still eat cheeseburgers and fries sometimes, they are not suddenly fat again. They have to eat it for a long time to be fat again. That's my logic behind my ability to still drink despite being an ex-alcoholic.
I feel like my answer to my alcoholism to "just stop" once I realized is not enough to satisfy some people. But I think I am just intelligent enough and I caught it early enough to realize.
But the problem is that since I once was an alcoholic that people still think I am. So I have a drink and people start worrying about me.
Part of the reason why I drink less (and by less I mean like 2-3 drinks once or twice a week versus 4-5 drinks 5 or 6 times a week) is because I have less money to buy alcohol. But I realize the importance of paying the bills and buying food first because I am not an alcoholic.
I feel like I have to prove myself to people. I LOVE alcohol and I am afraid of declaring it because people are going to think I have a problem again. Back to my "Fat person" reference, I feel like if someone who lost a lot of weight posted a photo of a burger on instagram that people might start worrying about them again.
The good thing is that not many people knew how alcoholic I was. So why am I advertising it more publicly? I think it's because I have been wanting to blog about it for a while but I finally feel like I can talk about it and not be ashamed about it or worry more people will start worrying about me for it.
My blog is called liquered up logic (yes, I realize it should be liqueured up logic) because I love alcohol and sometimes it does help me think clearer at certain states of drunkenness in order to do philosophy or enjoy movies or read. But if I get too drunk I can't.
Anyways. I guess if I were to give readers a take-home from this it isn't that I am not an alcoholic anymore, but to just not judge people based on things like that all of the time. Sure, it is a defining characteristic, but it is not their whole person. A fat person isn't just fat, they also have interests, hobbies, jobs, hair colour, skin colour, eye colour, and a favourite fucking colour. I wasn't just an alcoholic but a student, a teenager, etc. Don't let that one thing define the whole person. And for god sakes NEVER call an alcoholic an alcoholic. Let them know your concerns in a way that still allows you to be a fucking decent human being.
That is all.
- Sarah
First of all: I have had problems with alcohol. I have been addicted to it. But not when people thought I was. Back when I started university I drank a lot, but that was not alcoholism, that was because it was my first year of university and everybody else was.
My problems with alcohol were not always constant, though. For example, in my first year I was not an alcoholic because I would drink at parties or with friends, I was an alcoholic when I put some whisky in my coffee and drank it during class. Why did I do this? Not even for the alcohol, it was for the thrill, most likely. So am I an alcoholic there? Maybe. To some eyes. Probably.
I have had a series of months where I probably drank everyday and I would call that alcoholism to a degree. But me drinking itself wasn't the problem, it was why I was drinking. I think it would be fine to just drink all of the time just to drink as long as your life isn't suffering because of it. But I was drinking because I was unhappy with life, school, money and more. I wasn't drinking to drown the sorrows, but rather to fuel them. Not on purpose, just because I felt like that was what I should do. Why? Who knows. I was in a weird place.
I think I realized I had a problem after two incidents: I drank by myself, about 6 shots worth of vodka mixed in water and I just doused it with those squirt bottles of flavours so I couldn't taste the vodka. I drank them in one hour and ended up puking. Why? I was bored. The other time was when I actually went through alcohol withdrawal while at work. That was scary, but I don't really want to talk about it more than just saying it happened.
So what did I do? I stopped drinking. That's the thing, no matter how hard I hit the liqueur, I can ALWAYS stop. So am I an alcoholic? Same with cigarettes. No matter how hard I hit them I can just stop when I want. I have a lot of self-control in that sense. But I am afraid maybe if I were to abuse liqueur for like a year or two straight or the longer that I do abuse it the harder it would get to stop.
So am I still an alcoholic? I don't think so. According to Mayo Clinic's symptoms, I am not, I have none of these symptoms. But the scary thing is that I have had all of them at some point. But am I still an alcoholic if I once was? I don't think so. I think some people argue that you would be. But if somebody loses 150lbs are they still fat? No. Even if they still eat cheeseburgers and fries sometimes, they are not suddenly fat again. They have to eat it for a long time to be fat again. That's my logic behind my ability to still drink despite being an ex-alcoholic.
I feel like my answer to my alcoholism to "just stop" once I realized is not enough to satisfy some people. But I think I am just intelligent enough and I caught it early enough to realize.
But the problem is that since I once was an alcoholic that people still think I am. So I have a drink and people start worrying about me.
Part of the reason why I drink less (and by less I mean like 2-3 drinks once or twice a week versus 4-5 drinks 5 or 6 times a week) is because I have less money to buy alcohol. But I realize the importance of paying the bills and buying food first because I am not an alcoholic.
I feel like I have to prove myself to people. I LOVE alcohol and I am afraid of declaring it because people are going to think I have a problem again. Back to my "Fat person" reference, I feel like if someone who lost a lot of weight posted a photo of a burger on instagram that people might start worrying about them again.
The good thing is that not many people knew how alcoholic I was. So why am I advertising it more publicly? I think it's because I have been wanting to blog about it for a while but I finally feel like I can talk about it and not be ashamed about it or worry more people will start worrying about me for it.
My blog is called liquered up logic (yes, I realize it should be liqueured up logic) because I love alcohol and sometimes it does help me think clearer at certain states of drunkenness in order to do philosophy or enjoy movies or read. But if I get too drunk I can't.
Anyways. I guess if I were to give readers a take-home from this it isn't that I am not an alcoholic anymore, but to just not judge people based on things like that all of the time. Sure, it is a defining characteristic, but it is not their whole person. A fat person isn't just fat, they also have interests, hobbies, jobs, hair colour, skin colour, eye colour, and a favourite fucking colour. I wasn't just an alcoholic but a student, a teenager, etc. Don't let that one thing define the whole person. And for god sakes NEVER call an alcoholic an alcoholic. Let them know your concerns in a way that still allows you to be a fucking decent human being.
That is all.
- Sarah
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