I am not 20 until October, but after reading a HuffPost article on things one learned by their fifties I felt inspired. I see the repeated theme of professing what you have learned at a certain age so I decided to profess my own lessons I have learned before 20.
1. Don't misuse your childhood. You are young once, and once you hit somewhere between 10-13, everything changes. Responsibility is good, but don't take for granted those times in your life when you don't have to work and don't have to provide for yourself.
2. Coffee and alcohol are important substances in your life. Coffee keeps you awake, and alcohol let's you free. Don't abuse either of them, as I have done both in the past and been in withdrawal from both and also addicted to both. Find your happy medium.
3. You will never know what you want to do. Ever. Or at least most likely. If you told me this when I was 16, I would've hated you and despised you. I hated when adults told me I might change my mind about what career path I wanted. Now I am so unsure. Even if you think in your head you know the path you want, you might not find a job where you want, with who you want, or be able to get into the school you want to get into. I was talking to my mom and she never thought she would be in banking for 22 years, a stay at home mom for 10, and then work at a library for the last bit of her life until she retired. Also, I always told myself I didn't want to get married, before I went into university I basically told myself I was going to be a bit of a slut, and what did I do? Met a guy the week before school started, fall in love, move in after 6 months, get engaged after 11 and we are now getting married a few days just before our 2 year dating anniversary. Whoops! It's okay to change your mind. My favourite quote of all time: Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words though it contradict everything you say today - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
4. People will underestimate you and your abilities because you are young, and don't deal with that shit. Don't put up with it. It still happens to me even though I am not dependant on my mom anymore. I got a new job recently and the person in charge of payroll told me it was fine if I couldn't figure out how to fill out the employment forms and that a parent could help me. Okay, valid information but I have done this so many times. I handed them back to her flawlessly filled out and she was shocked.
5. People will judge your decisions and their opinions usually don't matter. When people judge your decisions it is tough to do with what they tell you. Some opinions are wise but most don't matter at all. In the end you have to decide for yourself and say "fuck you" to all the others.
6. It's not bad if you end up in retail, in fast food or in a chain store working for the rest of your life. That's not my life, but I have heard some amazing stories from some of the people that have been working in retail for a long time and they still have genuinely amazing and happy lives. I always judge people with those lifestyles for being unhappy. I've learned that you are to choose your jobs based on a few things: the people that are there are good, you are happy, you are earning enough money to live comfortably within your own standards of happiness.
7. You can't control what happens in life but you can control your reaction to what happens. Sure, you can make decisions like I want to ride the bus and go to work but you could be hit on by a girl or guy, you could choose to talk to someone on the way, you could witness a murder, and your reactions to these actions of others is what determines who you are. If you choose to ignore that guy or girl hitting on you, that could've been the start of something new, if you react badly to witnessing a murder it could really mess you up or even give you PTSD. These choices of reactions are what determine who you are. Life is basically like, I want to be a psychologist I will go into psychology, OKAY GOOD, I got into a university, I will take first year psych, sweet I got in, okay now I failed a course, do I drop out or try hard? All of these things, getting into the school, into the course and finishing the course are things you can't necessarily control. You can control how hard you try in school but you can't always control how well you learn in a course even if you try super hard. The choice to try the course again or drop it is a more important choice than what you made to attend that school and do a psych degree.
8. High school is completely irrelevant. You forget most of it. Unless you get super involved in athletics or student council, it just basically becomes a distant memory. The only thing you get out of high school is basic knowledge required for life, and usually some lifelong friends. That's it. The memories are cool and whatnot but all of the stress and pain you felt in high school becomes completely insignificant once you're done.
9. This one is for the ladies: periods are nothing to be embarrassed about. It might sound ridiculous to older folk but I just remember being 13-16 and being so afraid of my period that I would wear like 2 pairs of underwear and I would be afraid to change my pad at school because than the other girls would hear the package open. Now I don't give two shits. It is something we all have to deal with and for some reason that never occurred to me in high school.
10. Sex is normal and natural and not to be ashamed of. It's the people staying abstinent until marriage who I think are a little off. You're going to be married *hopefully* forever and sexual compatibility is one of the biggest parts of your relationship.
11. Sexual orientation isn't really a big deal unless people make a big deal out of it. You are gay, cool, you're straight, also cool. I've never actually come out of whatever closet I am in because I feel like my sexuality is not really other people's business other than who I am with and maybe my friends. If people ask me I'll tell them but it's not really something people ask. The only reason sexual orientation is a bigger deal is because people still reject some orientations like being gay or anything really other than being straight. Sexual orientation itself is only one little detail of yourself.
12. You are the most important person in your own life. Don't dedicate your life to anything other than your own happiness, at least not primarily. Don't put your job before yourself, don't put your partner before yourself. Sure, at times work will take over for a little bit, your partner might be dealing with something that you need to put yourself aside for awhile for, but in general, you are the most important person. You are the only thing you can control in this life.
13. You will never be sure of your actions, and if you are, holy shit you are good. Do what feels right and act in a way that makes you feel okay about what you are doing. Trust your own instincts.
14. It is never too late to change your mind and take things slow. I used to be afraid of changing my mind about school, careers, and I just wanted to speed through my education and get settled in a career. Now I am not so sure. I am finishing my BA now and I am pretty sure my next step is a masters degree in philosophy or organizational behaviour, but if I don't get into school right away, I can work other jobs until I do, and if I never do, I'm sure I can find work wherever I go, even if the job itself is mundane but the people are good and the salary is also fair.
15. Don't expect people to be your cheerleader. Your partner and friends should be cheering you on from the sidelines but sometimes you need to cheer for yourself. Act on reasons that you have to justify to yourself. I was explaining why I run to a coworker of mine and she was really shocked at how much it is that I am actually just running for myself and for nothing else.
16. Certain words said in your life in passing will fuck you up really good. Be careful of what you say to others, but you can't know what will mess someone up. You could say a trigger word that causes someone to remember something in their life that is sad, a certain compliment or complaint to another person could affect their entire life. Don't take what others say to you too personally, either. A teacher of mine told me to always be confident and that really hit a home run all through high school with myself wondering how confident I really am and questioning my anti-social tendencies. Her comment wasn't a bad one, though, it just heavily affected my life. A psychologist once told me never to pursue philosophy, and also told me that I am "perfect" otherwise. Well fuck being perfect, I want to be happy.
17. Friends come in and out of your life like crazy. You'll be best friends with someone for a month, and never talk to them again. You will have friends from the time you are 2 for a very long time and you will develop these lifelong friends. They are the ones that you talk to sometimes but not always. They are the ones who tend to know you the best. It's also okay to be lonely for a while and not talk to many people either.
18. Understand what credit is before you get a credit card, and don't get a credit card with more than $500, or more than what you can handle. Even the most responsible people (like me) can get messed up with paying too much in fees because you can't afford to pay off your bill.
19. You're never really alone. There will always be someone out there that could be your friend. Being alone is also something you should cherish. Alone time is amazing and you should cherish every moment of it because someday you may not have much alone time.
20. Do what you want. It's your life, your choices, your time. Trust yourself.
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