My family is really small. Sort of.
My dad passed away in 2007, and my parents split in 05' and I never really stayed in touch with that side of the family. I have a tonne of cousins, probably upwards of 20, and I only have 4 of them on facebook. Just 3 of them are my ageish, and 1 is just another cousin. My dad had 2 daughters from a previous marriage, my half sisters, who are 15 years older than me. We haven't seen each other since 2007, and we probably haven't talked since 2009, which was probably a facebook conversation. I am technically an aunt now, but will I ever see my niece? Nope.
But the thing is is whether or not I really care about this. I honestly don't care to make amends with any of those people on that side of the family. They don't make an effort to include me, and I don't care to let them into my life.
The problem with that is that there is one person on that side of the family who REALLY values family, my aunt. She keeps trying to stay in contact with everyone, including my father's first wife--- who doesn't talk to anyone else except her. I honestly don't want to keep in contact with her, but I am forced to, mostly because my mom is making me, but also she has my inheritance from my father until I am 21. I really really do not like her, let alone want to talk pleasantries with her. Honestly, I cried earlier because I don't want to talk to her, that is how bad I really hate my family.
Then there is my mom's side of the family. I didn't see them too much as a kid, and NOBODY on my mom's side is my age. From age 10-13 I was forced to see them all of the time, because we lived at my grandma's house, which is kind of a central location for my uncles, cousin, and ex-aunt to show up.
I honestly really do not like that side of the family either. I like my mom. I like my cousin. I like my grandma. End of list.
They all live in the same city as me, too.
Again, my mom forces me to stay a member of the family, by forcing me to things like birthday dinners and christmas. I honestly skipped 2 dinners last year, and the one was because my mom PISSED ME off, because she wouldn't let me take a shower between the gym and dinner. So naturally, I walked to a park, sat in the park for half an hour, and then walked home from the gym. Life.
I understand that I am probably coming off as a stereotypical teenager, which I guess is true, but it is so much more than that.
If I am going to be in this society, I am going to be honest with you and say that in society, family isn't as necessary as it has been in the past. Families are broken. Dead. Of course, naturally you have to have parents, and your parents have parents and siblings and blah blah blah, but I don't think you have to include your family in your life.
I feel like I am at an age where I can make these choices to not include my family in my life. I honestly do not trust some of them.
The only members of my family I honestly would feel confident inviting to something like a wedding of mine, is my mom, cousin, and grandmother.
End. Of. List.
I was trying to tell my mom this and she just kept telling me "how hurtful I am being" and how mean I am and I am "snubbing" everyone. Come on! This is my life, and I am independent.
My mom then asked me "What if I need something from someone" like what? As a kid when I did need things, I didn't get them. If I break my sink, I am going to hire a repair man, I don't want to have to have a "relationship" with a person I absolutely despise, just to get a free sink repair, because they are capable. I'd rather spend money, and not waste my TIME.
If you really think about it, I am the smartest of them all. Time runs out, money you can earn more of. You don't actually know how much time you have in your life, but money is unknowing. Sure you can run out of money, but if you value money more than time, I am really unsure what you are doing. I don't want to waste my time having relationships with people I don't like.
The cost and benefits do NOT weigh out for me, and my mom just doesn't get it.
Now I am at a crossroads. My aunt, who is in charge of my inheritance until I am 21... I need money from my inheritance for university. Legally, people in her position can take up to 2.5% of my inheritance as sort of a "handling charge". She said she wouldn't do that. But she easily can. If I want my money before I am 21, and I want all of it, my mom has informed me that I have to talk to her. Why in hell. Oh my god. This should just be simple, it should just be easy, but I detest her. I do not want to talk to her. She never did anything for me. Although ,she was the only person to try to include me in the family, it was always invites to religious events. No, I do not want to go to someone's baptism, wedding, funeral, easter, christmas, fuck it. I am not a christian.
She is enough to make me not celebrate christmas and easter, commercially. I am not a christian. I do not go to church.
Actually, that is another thought. Should I celebrate easter and christmas? I love christmas. I have been obsessed with it for years. But honestly, I don't even care anymore.
I sort of want to stop celebrating. It's fun when you have kids. When I go to university I probably won't celebrate anything. I'll accept easter cards and candy, but I won't send any out. I'll come home for christmas, and probably buy my mom something for christmas. But it really doesn't feel like anything anymore.
I honestly cannot stomach my life, with family.
I understand the value of family, but honestly... it doesn't help me. It doesn't help that I wasn't really raised with valuing family. Sure, I was raised around family, but I never really valued it that much.
Sure, I want a family in the future. By a family I mean a husband and kids. I have no reason to want to even be involved with HIS family, which makes finding a partner so much harder. But I don't need to worry about that right now.
I have no aspiration to keep up meaningless relationships with random people. I rely on myself, a lot. I don't rely on other people. I USE other people. But I do not rely on others.
That is it for my rant.
My dad passed away in 2007, and my parents split in 05' and I never really stayed in touch with that side of the family. I have a tonne of cousins, probably upwards of 20, and I only have 4 of them on facebook. Just 3 of them are my ageish, and 1 is just another cousin. My dad had 2 daughters from a previous marriage, my half sisters, who are 15 years older than me. We haven't seen each other since 2007, and we probably haven't talked since 2009, which was probably a facebook conversation. I am technically an aunt now, but will I ever see my niece? Nope.
But the thing is is whether or not I really care about this. I honestly don't care to make amends with any of those people on that side of the family. They don't make an effort to include me, and I don't care to let them into my life.
The problem with that is that there is one person on that side of the family who REALLY values family, my aunt. She keeps trying to stay in contact with everyone, including my father's first wife--- who doesn't talk to anyone else except her. I honestly don't want to keep in contact with her, but I am forced to, mostly because my mom is making me, but also she has my inheritance from my father until I am 21. I really really do not like her, let alone want to talk pleasantries with her. Honestly, I cried earlier because I don't want to talk to her, that is how bad I really hate my family.
Then there is my mom's side of the family. I didn't see them too much as a kid, and NOBODY on my mom's side is my age. From age 10-13 I was forced to see them all of the time, because we lived at my grandma's house, which is kind of a central location for my uncles, cousin, and ex-aunt to show up.
I honestly really do not like that side of the family either. I like my mom. I like my cousin. I like my grandma. End of list.
They all live in the same city as me, too.
Again, my mom forces me to stay a member of the family, by forcing me to things like birthday dinners and christmas. I honestly skipped 2 dinners last year, and the one was because my mom PISSED ME off, because she wouldn't let me take a shower between the gym and dinner. So naturally, I walked to a park, sat in the park for half an hour, and then walked home from the gym. Life.
I understand that I am probably coming off as a stereotypical teenager, which I guess is true, but it is so much more than that.
If I am going to be in this society, I am going to be honest with you and say that in society, family isn't as necessary as it has been in the past. Families are broken. Dead. Of course, naturally you have to have parents, and your parents have parents and siblings and blah blah blah, but I don't think you have to include your family in your life.
I feel like I am at an age where I can make these choices to not include my family in my life. I honestly do not trust some of them.
The only members of my family I honestly would feel confident inviting to something like a wedding of mine, is my mom, cousin, and grandmother.
End. Of. List.
I was trying to tell my mom this and she just kept telling me "how hurtful I am being" and how mean I am and I am "snubbing" everyone. Come on! This is my life, and I am independent.
My mom then asked me "What if I need something from someone" like what? As a kid when I did need things, I didn't get them. If I break my sink, I am going to hire a repair man, I don't want to have to have a "relationship" with a person I absolutely despise, just to get a free sink repair, because they are capable. I'd rather spend money, and not waste my TIME.
If you really think about it, I am the smartest of them all. Time runs out, money you can earn more of. You don't actually know how much time you have in your life, but money is unknowing. Sure you can run out of money, but if you value money more than time, I am really unsure what you are doing. I don't want to waste my time having relationships with people I don't like.
The cost and benefits do NOT weigh out for me, and my mom just doesn't get it.
Now I am at a crossroads. My aunt, who is in charge of my inheritance until I am 21... I need money from my inheritance for university. Legally, people in her position can take up to 2.5% of my inheritance as sort of a "handling charge". She said she wouldn't do that. But she easily can. If I want my money before I am 21, and I want all of it, my mom has informed me that I have to talk to her. Why in hell. Oh my god. This should just be simple, it should just be easy, but I detest her. I do not want to talk to her. She never did anything for me. Although ,she was the only person to try to include me in the family, it was always invites to religious events. No, I do not want to go to someone's baptism, wedding, funeral, easter, christmas, fuck it. I am not a christian.
She is enough to make me not celebrate christmas and easter, commercially. I am not a christian. I do not go to church.
Actually, that is another thought. Should I celebrate easter and christmas? I love christmas. I have been obsessed with it for years. But honestly, I don't even care anymore.
I sort of want to stop celebrating. It's fun when you have kids. When I go to university I probably won't celebrate anything. I'll accept easter cards and candy, but I won't send any out. I'll come home for christmas, and probably buy my mom something for christmas. But it really doesn't feel like anything anymore.
I honestly cannot stomach my life, with family.
I understand the value of family, but honestly... it doesn't help me. It doesn't help that I wasn't really raised with valuing family. Sure, I was raised around family, but I never really valued it that much.
Sure, I want a family in the future. By a family I mean a husband and kids. I have no reason to want to even be involved with HIS family, which makes finding a partner so much harder. But I don't need to worry about that right now.
I have no aspiration to keep up meaningless relationships with random people. I rely on myself, a lot. I don't rely on other people. I USE other people. But I do not rely on others.
That is it for my rant.
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