WHO AM I?!

The infamous question.

Everybody tries to answer it at different points in their life.

I'm reading the book "The Self Illusion" by Bruce Hood. Its interesting. I am only on like page 80 or something. Its interesting. I was going to talk about the book a bit, but instead I am going to talk about myself, based on somethings I know about "self-discovery".

I always say that you are who you want to be. You are who you are. You just are simply yourself. Who would you be if you weren't yourself?

I tried to answer "Who am I?" the simplest way I could : "I am who I am and nobody can stop me.".

Well, I know that a lot of who you are, is based off of the people around you, and how you are socialized into who you are, etc. So technically, me saying that was somewhat hopeful.

But contrary to realistic belief, that the person is mainly based off of social interaction and how they react to situations, and the other aspects that you are just simply born with, I do think that you can choose who you are.

I mean, yes, you will still be influenced by the things around you, whether or not you realize it. But you can choose who and what you are around. That is how you can control who you are. You can control what you let get to you, and what you let define you.

An aspect that I was thinking of in the book is saying how you seem different to many different people. I.e., My friends may seem like different people to me, compared to as their bosses see them at work. For example:
One of my friends sees me as Innocent, Quiet and non-risk taking.
Another one of my friends sees me as a slut, annoying and hyper.
Another one of my friends sees me as nice, kind and goofy.

Also, my co-workers mostly see me as hardworking, quiet and determined.

Or at least, this is how I THINK they THINK I am. (C. H. Cooley).

Anyways. I am just thinking a lot about this, because I was trying to figure out what this one person thinks of me. They have seen me in a lot of different situations, and probably have seen me in some of the most diverse situations. I think they must just be really confused as to who I really am, because they have seen so many sides to me. For example:
This person first saw me as:
Quiet, shy, lonely
Later as Quiet, depressed,
Quiet, Weird, Spontaneous
Later as Unsocial, Quiet, Sad, Upset
Eventually after more of the "quiet" disappeared, this person began seeing me as
Honest, trustworthy, spontaneous

Later this person got to know me a LOT more, and found out why I was quiet, and we talked a lot. This person later found out that I am athletic, have 2 jobs, we talked about my friends, so this person understands me a lot more. Or... maybe this person is just confused. They saw me go through all of these things... in that person's opinion.

I don't know. All of those things ARE me. Just different sides of me, I show to different people, in different situations.

Its just the fact that, THAT person, has seen me in many different lights. Unlike some of my closer friends and family, that see these things all of the time, meshed together, this person has been able to analyze my different sides, and see them each individually, instead of meshed.

I don't know why I am spending so much time thinking about this. I guess it just interests me.

Plus this person is really close and means a lot to me. Someday I will actually ask this person EXACTLY who they think I am, so I can stop guessing. I know this person also now thinks that I am awkward, weird and random. So, my question may seem awkward weird and random, as it should.

Whatever.

Here are some other ways people see me as:
The girl who's father died.
The girl who works at the library.
The quiet one at the front of the class.
Nerd.
"Ice queen"
Slut.
QUIET.
Quiet.
Quiet.
Weird.
Awkward
Socially Awkward.
Reliable
The girl who people are unsure of if she is gay or not (I'm not.)
Selfish
Helpful
Kind
Nice

I mean. These are all parts of me. I just think that there is another "ME". One who is not completely defined by others. Maybe my "determined" and maybe my "awkward" selves are determined by past experiences.. but there will always be my "self" that is "ME". The self that I DEFINE based on what I want to be defined by, not what others will define me by.

But that girl, is really all of me.

I don't even know.

Why am I even posting this now?

Quote from today: "The small cups are on the end at the bottom" (Stories of a girl that works at a cafe)