At least there is one thing.

So, I'll start off today by talking about my blog, specifically. But I'll be talking about blogging, generally. So. Yeah.

I changed my blog format and title. The colours mean nothing. The side-picture is a print I made in art. The title is yes, from Nicki Minaj's song "Stupid Hoe". But for some reason that quote is sticking in my head.

My life has "felt" like such a "mess" lately. I may get to this later, but for now, I realized something. There have always been my weird tween fantasies... not fantasies, just things that I wanted. Like I always wanted to be famous for changing the world. Once as a tween I figured I would somehow acquire a large amount of money, and I would live in a beautiful home, eat and act elegantly, and always wear long white dresses. I thought that someday I would change the world. I thought I would have a talk show, a magazine. I once thought that someday I would webcam with all of my friends--- all of the time, like in the mornings to decide what to wear, and at night to talk about boys.

But out of all of my weird pre-tween wants and needs, I have realized I have acquired one of them. Sort of. My blog. This blog. I always watched movies, I read books and such of people, teenagers, with blogs. I always thought it was so cool. So I guess this is my tween dream. Believe it or not, there is somewhat of a following in my blog. I can look at the stats and such. I mean, I don't have THAT big of an audience, but just looking at the numbers, I know that some people are reading. Today I had 15 views, yesterday 8. I'm sure my twitter feed gets more, but it just feels cool to know that I have people actually reading this.

Overall, the amount of views my blog has gotten, is the equivalent to the entire school going to my page... twice, and some of them going onto it three times. Which is scary to think of, if the people who actually read my blog are from my school, other than friends. I mean, its not like I don't post anything incredibly damaging, but I do post my "weird" thoughts. Which I want the world to hear. But by the world, I mean people close(ish) to me, not my family, and not anybody I know from school or work.

If for some reason my blog did get into the hands of the school population, I would just probably roll with it. But for now, I'm glad it isn't.

Anyways, heres some history on my blog. This isn't my first blog. Its probably like... my 10th. But seriously, its my 3rd "serious" blog. I have this blog, and my fitness blog currently. I had two previous blogs. I think the first one I deleted. But I'm not sure where it is. The second one... ended up with 430 posts. I posted pretty much everyday. I occasionally removed all of my posts... but I didn't "remove them" I just hid them from the public, so I could look back on them in the future. But those ones were more personal, and in depth. I didn't have as many viewers on that blog though. I think I will start posting random posts from there, on here, just to show how different I am from now to then. I have some from 2010 I think, maybe even 09'.

The reason why I started blogging was because this one girl (who isn't my friend anymore) was told to start a blog, and so she got a bunch of us to start blogs. Now theres only 2 of us left that blog. I blog the most often though.

I don't know. This post might be fairly boring. I think its interesting though.

But I remember when we all first started blogging, there would be HUGE bitch fights. Like everybody posting mean things about each other. It was fucked.

Anyways. I am going to talk about 2 things in one blog because I can.

Judging. I know I posted a post about this before, in relation to people in my art class, but now I have more to say.

I hate judgement. I just feel like nothing should be judged. Like, who's right is it to say what is right and what is wrong? Nobody's. Laws make people judge each other. Standards... society... etc.

But many people will agree with me in saying "I hate being judged" so we continue doing it. Obviously, because this is rational.

I mean, aspects of law and religion get into this topic, easily, and I am not going there in this post.

But heres what I will say.

You may think, "Smoking is bad". Which, yes, I do. But to another, smoking is good. So why should we judge them? Sure, I don't like smoking, and I hate second hand smoke, but why should I judge them for smoking? In the end, it is their choice, and their opinion.

Its easy for people to agree with me in saying "judging peoples bodies are wrong", but if I were to suddenly spring "judging nazis is wrong" into the conversation, I would get attacked. I don't like what the Nazis did, but can you really judge them for doing it? I mean, think of it this way. You're going to have to follow along closely...
Where is it our right to judge people for hating other people? Why is it wrong for people to really hate another race or religion?
Now you are thinking I am crazy now. But seriously, ANSWER THE GODDAM QUESTION. Is your answer "Because murder is wrong" "We shouldn't judge" "Just because". Why is murder wrong? Why shouldn't we judge?
Questions come FOREVER. In the end, we really don't know. Just somewhere in history, humans decided that murder is wrong. Which is why it is punishable by law. Just somewhere in history, we determined punishments, and so on and so forth.
These things are just here. This is hardcore philosophy for you, FYI.
I am the type of person to just question everything though.
One who doesn't question their surroundings, is the most naive, and yet the least.

But anyways, I got off on a tangent.

My point is, I have a secret that I want to get off of my chest. But there is nobody I can tell, because I will get judged. Even if someone says "No I won't." Yes, yes you will. It is something extremely frowned upon in society, and I am pretty sure that you are a member of this society, and will VERY LIKELY frown upon me. Even if you didn't outwardly judge me, inside you would secretly judge me in your mind. There are probably two people in this world that wouldn't judge me much. But I don't want to tell them. The one person, the secret involves them, and the other, although wouldn't "JUDGE" me, would act differently around me.

But I guess I really don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be judged. But I have let some small secrets, in relation to this one slip before, and my friends flipped on me for them.. so...

I am a very judging person though, internally. I sometimes literally look at an overweight person and begin questioning in my mind, what it took for them to get to that state. I do this at work a lot. I know its wrong, but I can't help myself. Also, I don't care.

But on the outside, I don't say these things. There is one person that goes to the library a lot, and she is... "not normal". Inside, I wonder why, but on the outside, I talk to her and have normal conversations with her. She may act weird, but honestly, in the end, I really don't care. It doesn't concern me.

I will judge, but I treat everyone as an equal, we all have things to judge about each other, which makes us equals. I am nice. I'm not mean. Internally I will always judge.

 In the end, whatever seems "different" to me about a person, I don't care about. If someone acts a little weird, or seems different, or made a poor choice, I really don't care. Its their mistake/problem, and I have no place to actually judge them for it. It doesn't concern me in the least.

When friends tell me things, I am the same way. I will always be there friend unless I choose otherwise. I won't judge them. Maybe I will question their actions or their beliefs a little bit, but thats natural, because it is not identical to my own. In the end, whatever they are, doesn't concern me in the least.

I guess that answers some of my questions about judgement.

We judge each other because we are different. We are different because we judge each other.

Judgement can be a good thing. As long as you understand that we are all different, and in the end, whatever is different about the other person, doesn't concern you.

I still won't tell my secret. I will just let it eat me up. Maybe I will tell someone, someday. But I am really good at keeping quiet, if you haven't noticed.

Personal Quote: One who doesn't question their surroundings, is the most naive, and yet the least.