2 essays
1 take home exam
1 final
until I'm done 3rd year university.
I've neglected my blog due to philosophical disability (i.e., writing too many essays for my philosophy major). Also 1 too many dogmatic slumbers. HAHAHA okay no. Seriously.
So whats new?
I have a new tattoo, a new apartment, a new understanding of my personal undisclosed handicaps, and I am broke as fuck (but I suppose that is not totally new).
After this upcoming Friday, I will be done 3rd year and I will begin to focus on new things for the summer. Since this *might* be my last summer without an official full-time adult job, depending on whatever the hell life is going to throw at me, I want to use the extra time I have from being unable to get a job anywhere ever because of the lack of jobs where I live, to write.
I want to keep up with my blog, as per usual. I want to write a novel as well, or at least start to. I have a growing list of ideas for books. I'm not too sure what I'm going to do, but that is what the summer is for. The third thing I want to work on this summer is an academic paper. I want to write something and attempt to get it published into a student academic journal. I'm thinking something related to the Kama Sutras, but I am not 100% on what I am doing there yet, either.
I've actually been doing some thinking on it and have been considering applying to schools for a masters in philosophy once I am done my undergraduate degree. I am almost 100% sure I am applying to the program at Queens University for the fall of 2017, but if I do not get in I am going to redouble my efforts and apply to schools in British Columbia for the following year, or the year after that and move out west with the love of my life. I need warmth and a change of scenery. Canada does not really do it for me, but British Columbia seems just so beautiful, I want to go to there. (30 Rock reference)
If I decide to do a PhD, if I do a masters degree, I'd love to do it in California. But that's way into the future and I've realized I need to stop looking that far ahead with a microscopic perspective upon life. I don't live in the moment, but I also don't want to live just thinking into the future. This is a problem for me, actually. I am always thinking ahead way too far and it gives me anxiety for today. Will I be with the love of my life in 5 years? Will I be dead? Will I be in school? Have a job? I need to stop thinking like this and just put effort into now.
The problem with this type of thinking is that it is totally contradictory to my philosophy in life. I am pretty much a huge nihilist. To quote the T.V. show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, "The trick is not caring whether you live or die". Kimmy Schmidt is an overbearing optimist, so coming from her, this is kind of an amazing quote. I am a huge pessimist but I am trying to just be a realist instead of just negative. I am not into all of the positivity and meditation that millennials are suddenly super interested in all of a sudden, although there are good lessons in the philosophies. I just know that if I keep acting so negative that I am not even going to be living anymore. I'll just slowly become a part of my bed and never get up again. Which is depressing as fuck, but hey, I warned you how negative I am.
The biggest thing with functioning nihilists is to find meaning in your life, usually for most people this just means doing what makes you happy. Unfortunately, what makes me happy is literally doing nothing, which too much of this makes me unhappy. So I need balance. But the problem with "needing" and "wanting" is that it just disables you from being happy, ever, because then you just enter a never-ending cycle of desiring. Now I am preaching buddhist philosophies, apparently, but I think it to be a true idea. Desire is just... I don't really want to get into this right now. But essentially desire is what makes the world go around.
I'm trying to re-embrace my nihilism and have been putting a lot of energy into thinking about it. Most people meditate on positivity, I just meditate on my nihilism. I always find myself going back over my old philosophies from since I was maybe 16 and analyzing them again and deciding whether I still believe in these philosophies. At one point atheism was my most important philosophy because I meditated on it all of the time. I am still an atheist right now, but I probably could not defend to you as well as I could've 3 years ago exactly why I am because I haven't meditated on it in a while. I could much better defend why I am a nihilist to you because I have been thinking on it more, and recently read some Nietzsche and Schopenhauer too, which helps.
Anyways I still cannot fucking spell Nietzsche on the first fucking try and I am three years into my philosophy degree, so that fucking shows a lot. But I did spell Schopenhauer right on the first try just then. Jesus fucking christ.
Anyways. I suppose that is all. I have no idea where the hell I was going with this post, but I sure did go no where. Haha, like life, am I right?
Eh. Who knows. Who cares.
Peace. Find eternal bliss in pizza. Amen.
1 take home exam
1 final
until I'm done 3rd year university.
I've neglected my blog due to philosophical disability (i.e., writing too many essays for my philosophy major). Also 1 too many dogmatic slumbers. HAHAHA okay no. Seriously.
So whats new?
I have a new tattoo, a new apartment, a new understanding of my personal undisclosed handicaps, and I am broke as fuck (but I suppose that is not totally new).
After this upcoming Friday, I will be done 3rd year and I will begin to focus on new things for the summer. Since this *might* be my last summer without an official full-time adult job, depending on whatever the hell life is going to throw at me, I want to use the extra time I have from being unable to get a job anywhere ever because of the lack of jobs where I live, to write.
I want to keep up with my blog, as per usual. I want to write a novel as well, or at least start to. I have a growing list of ideas for books. I'm not too sure what I'm going to do, but that is what the summer is for. The third thing I want to work on this summer is an academic paper. I want to write something and attempt to get it published into a student academic journal. I'm thinking something related to the Kama Sutras, but I am not 100% on what I am doing there yet, either.
I've actually been doing some thinking on it and have been considering applying to schools for a masters in philosophy once I am done my undergraduate degree. I am almost 100% sure I am applying to the program at Queens University for the fall of 2017, but if I do not get in I am going to redouble my efforts and apply to schools in British Columbia for the following year, or the year after that and move out west with the love of my life. I need warmth and a change of scenery. Canada does not really do it for me, but British Columbia seems just so beautiful, I want to go to there. (30 Rock reference)
If I decide to do a PhD, if I do a masters degree, I'd love to do it in California. But that's way into the future and I've realized I need to stop looking that far ahead with a microscopic perspective upon life. I don't live in the moment, but I also don't want to live just thinking into the future. This is a problem for me, actually. I am always thinking ahead way too far and it gives me anxiety for today. Will I be with the love of my life in 5 years? Will I be dead? Will I be in school? Have a job? I need to stop thinking like this and just put effort into now.
The problem with this type of thinking is that it is totally contradictory to my philosophy in life. I am pretty much a huge nihilist. To quote the T.V. show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, "The trick is not caring whether you live or die". Kimmy Schmidt is an overbearing optimist, so coming from her, this is kind of an amazing quote. I am a huge pessimist but I am trying to just be a realist instead of just negative. I am not into all of the positivity and meditation that millennials are suddenly super interested in all of a sudden, although there are good lessons in the philosophies. I just know that if I keep acting so negative that I am not even going to be living anymore. I'll just slowly become a part of my bed and never get up again. Which is depressing as fuck, but hey, I warned you how negative I am.
The biggest thing with functioning nihilists is to find meaning in your life, usually for most people this just means doing what makes you happy. Unfortunately, what makes me happy is literally doing nothing, which too much of this makes me unhappy. So I need balance. But the problem with "needing" and "wanting" is that it just disables you from being happy, ever, because then you just enter a never-ending cycle of desiring. Now I am preaching buddhist philosophies, apparently, but I think it to be a true idea. Desire is just... I don't really want to get into this right now. But essentially desire is what makes the world go around.
I'm trying to re-embrace my nihilism and have been putting a lot of energy into thinking about it. Most people meditate on positivity, I just meditate on my nihilism. I always find myself going back over my old philosophies from since I was maybe 16 and analyzing them again and deciding whether I still believe in these philosophies. At one point atheism was my most important philosophy because I meditated on it all of the time. I am still an atheist right now, but I probably could not defend to you as well as I could've 3 years ago exactly why I am because I haven't meditated on it in a while. I could much better defend why I am a nihilist to you because I have been thinking on it more, and recently read some Nietzsche and Schopenhauer too, which helps.
Anyways I still cannot fucking spell Nietzsche on the first fucking try and I am three years into my philosophy degree, so that fucking shows a lot. But I did spell Schopenhauer right on the first try just then. Jesus fucking christ.
Anyways. I suppose that is all. I have no idea where the hell I was going with this post, but I sure did go no where. Haha, like life, am I right?
Eh. Who knows. Who cares.
Peace. Find eternal bliss in pizza. Amen.
