New Years Resolutions + Tips on How to Stick to your Goal (and why I hate them)

I hate new years resolutions so much. I love making goals it is just the idea that we have to make goals at the end of the year for the beginning of the new year is just arbitrary and let's face it--- just setting the goal doesn't work.

It never works. You can't just say "I am going to do ______" and then do it, you need to create measurable, actual steps towards that goal. Not many people realize this and therefore their goals are not completed.

Goals are amazing. Nothing is really ever completed without a goal, unless it was a fluke or opportunity. But you aren't going to lose 50lbs by fluke, I'm sorry to break it to you. I love goals. But too many goals created around this time are left unfulfilled and it drives me crazy. The idea of only being able to create goals around this time is also not the best because you can create goals at any time in your life, not just at the end of a year.

Although, I have been procrastinating actually writing out my own goals so I am doing that now and here. I am taking advantage of the mob of people writing resolutions to write my own.

So here are my tips to complete your goals:

1) Write it down.
As unoriginal as this sounds, your goal becomes more real when written on paper. Put it somewhere you will constantly see it and be reminded of it.

2) Create reasonable and timely steps.
Do you remember "SMART" goals from school or work? Yes, yes they are fucking annoying. But guess what? They work. If you do not know what "SMART goals" are, click here for a good resource.

3) Be REALISTIC.
In the word "SMART" the "R" stands for realistic. I think this is a very important step to be taken seriously. Don't set a goal you can't attain. Maybe you want to run a marathon by the end of the year but then you think 1) Marathons in the winter are cold and I don't think I'll be ready by fall, 2) I need to lose weight first and 3) My eating patterns need to change, then you are probably setting something currently unattainable. If you change the time limit to a further date and make baby steps and create smaller goals like losing 10 pounds in 6 weeks, then you can work towards a larger goal.

4) SMALLER GOALS
Even if you think it is hard to come up with smaller goals to complete for apart of your larger goal do it! Write a minimum for 15 small goals to do your big goal and write one of those small goals to be completed immediately. For example, if you want to eat healthy in the new year, a first immediate step could be to research what your body needs in the way of fruits, veggies, calories, carbs, etc. A lot of people's problems are that they don't follow through with these goals. You may have decided to get in shape by getting a gym membership, but as a gym member I can't tell you how it pains me to see people pile into the gym for the first few weeks and then disappear. Force yourself to do personal training, write in advance for the whole year what days you will go to the gym.

5) Don't rush
Don't rush through your goal and make a lot of progress in January to be forgotten about the rest of the year. This goes along with the creating of smaller goals.

6) & Don't forget!
Keep your goal fresh in your mind. Write it everywhere. Put reminders on your phone. Tell your friends to remind you. Do whatever it takes to not forget to complete your small goals in order to achieve your larger goal.

7) KNOW WHY!
Why are you even completing your goal? For example, many people just decide to lose weight because they should and it's been on their mind but then they forget the reason. Is it to be healthy? To run a marathon? Write the significance at the end of your goals and remind yourself of it daily.

I really encourage everyone creating goals to follow these steps and the steps of "SMART" goals. Do what it takes to get what you want.

Anyways, so here are my goals. You can use my goals as sort of a template to write your own as well.

1) I will run my marathon in under 4hrs 30 mins. I have signed up for a marathon for early May and it is my first marathon. I hope to run it in under 4hrs and 30 mins. I am going to complete this goal by running a minimum of twice a week. I will also be able to run 32km by the end of March. I will stretch after every run to avoid injury. I will eat properly by getting the right amount of carbs and I will hydrate properly as well. I want to complete this marathon because I want to know that I can run 42.2km and I want to be healthy.

2) I will have an average over 70% in university. I will accomplish this task by completing the majority if not all of my readings, leaving enough time to study before each exam and test, fully editing my papers, participating in class discussions, visiting profs when I am having issues, prioritizing what needs to get done and completing all tasks. I want to accomplish this goal because I want an honours BA.

3) I will get a job before the summer. I will accomplish this goal by applying to places, not giving up and looking twice a week online for new openings. I want to get a job so I can earn money to not deplete my education fund too much.

4) I will manage my money and not overspend. I will create a budget and I will stay in my budget by tracking my spending and prioritizing my needs and not buying things that are unnecessary too often. I want to do this so I can come out of university with no debt and without needing a loan other than OSAP.

Good luck on the creation of your own goals! Let me know your goals in the comments.

Updates & Where is my blog going?

I used to be able to think in a certain pattern and usually that would be the way my blogs were written but I cannot think in those patterns anymore.

I realize how insane that sounds but I just don't feel like myself anymore. I find it hard to think, not in general, but just about the things I used to think about. Do you ever look back on photos or videos of yourself and feel different about yourself there? I feel like that with a lot of my blog posts.

I think it's just because I've stopped trying to figure things out. I have things mostly figured out, or at least I haven't started re-questioning them yet. My blog posts were trying to figure things out. They were opinion pieces about philosophy and psychology.

But I've lost that sense of my person. I feel so differently now. I have changed so much since I've started university.

So now I am not sure what direction to take this blog in. I was thinking of taking it on a route to focus on ideas in education because that is what I am mainly passionate about but I also want to talk a lot more about psychological disorders and whatnot. A lot of things that I want to write about I don't want people in my life to find online, so I find it hard to put what is actually in my thoughts out there to the world.

In a way I want a teen-directed blog about body image and depression but I also feel like that is too mainstream. Although I have gone through that and I realize it is mainstream so I feel like I could put a different spin on it.

Maybe my blog will just be life anecdotes.

I don't know. But I have decided to do some goals. I am going to work on writing up some new years goals and I will put that up on the 31st or 1st.

Now, I will provide some people with a few updates on my life in general.

I am in my first year of university now, I keep switching my major but what I am currently hoping to do is a double major in psych and english with a minor in philosophy.

I have a boyfriend now. We have been dating for close to 4 months and we are very happy.

I am going to be getting tested for learning disabilities soon. I'm not having any major issues, it's just I think I may have ADHD or some other learning disability that medication could help and I need a diagnosis.

I signed up for a marathon which I will be running in May next year!

I am just going to come up with a public list of blog ideas for me to write in the future, just so you can see potential things I will be writing about:

- Things I miss about high school
- A post about my view on art
- Bullshit, money & university
- Differences between high school and university
- Things that bug me
- How I view my body
- Idolization and celebrities
- Money making the world go around

If any of those topics appeal to you, please tell me in the comments because I will be sure to write about something that interests readers.

For now, I wish you a Merry Christmas. It is Christmas eve, after all.

Are you sure you want to go to post-secondary?

It has become a societal norm to go to college or university after high school. Is this necessarily a bad norm though? In my opinion, not at all. Education and learning are the most important things in one's life. It's all we really do. We learn things all of the time. We learn to communicate with others, we learn to do new things, everything we do has been learnt at one point in our lives. But the problem is that universities and colleges aren't as focused upon this idea of "learning" anymore.

Anyways, let me approach the actual question. Are you sure you want to go to post-secondary?

Reasons to go:

You really cannot get a job without it... that is a lie. You can. Many people do. You can even probably find a fairly good job without it, but you do need to make connections to get a job. So unless you have connections before entering post secondary to give you an amazing job in which you can still move up in to better salaries and this job will make you happy, you are set. But as it stands, more people do not have these connections, so you need to go to university/college to make these connections.

It actually isn't that bad. Despite what I said earlier, you do learn some valuable lessons. Although considering the fact that I am in english/psych/philosophy you can't do much with those degrees without a PhD unless you want to be a teacher. So I have learned valuable lessons but the classes and programs that teach you these valuable lessons aren't going to get you as good of a job. Liberal education doesn't prepare you for the monetary world we live in. I was representing the english department at my school and a grandmother was finding out information with her granddaughter about the program because she is a really good writer but she wants her to get a job and was wondering what a BA in english could do for it. I told it to her straight up, "Not much". It is an extremely valuable education... just not in terms of money.

It is a norm. Simply, post-secondary is just something we do. Although your liberal education may teach you to operate outside of some of the norms, and I am also telling you to, both of us will also tell you that is really hard. Acting against the majority is hard. This is why you should go to school after high school.

Reasons not to go. Instead of giving you actual reasons, I'll just tell you what I have learned so far in university.

1) University is completely illogical. I want to become an english & philosophy high school teacher and I am planning on doing a double major in English & psychology with a minor in philosophy. At my school I need to have 6 credits of science. So to attain my BAs in english and psychology to become a high school teacher I am taking geology. This makes SO much sense... not.

2) I have learned how to take bubble sheet tests. I am learning how to learn. I don't learn the material; I learn what the professor wants and I give him/her that said thing. So if the prof is going to give me a multiple choice test I do not study the material to learn it, I study the material in a very minor way in which I slightly understand it enough to be able to know which answer is correct. Can I give you specific definitions of things from psychology? Nope. But I can tell you the correct answer if you give me 4 options. It is much, much easier. Learning nothing is much easier.

3) It is all about money. This was one of the first lessons I learned in my english lecture. Universities and colleges live off of your money, that is how they stay around. But they really do not care about the individual students' success, even if they say they do. Well, they care about the top students because they want them to go out and advertise the university for them to get more students to give them money. University is a business.

So should you go?

It is your choice.

I would tell you not to go, but then again, I am not dropping out because it is all bullshit. Why? Because I have a goal.

I want to become a high school teacher. I want to become a leader. I want to become a philosopher for education. I want to show people how messed up the education system really is. The easiest method would be to finish university, word towards my MA and PhD in education and then get right into the belly of the beast of education to fix things. 

I just haven't decided whether I want to fix high school or university education systems. 

I keep using this word "fix" to describe what I want to do as if things are already broken. It's a weird word-choice. I don't necessarily want to fix things, rather, I want to change things. Not for the better, not for the worse, just for the logical. What is happening now makes no sense to me. People are doing things they hate to do more things they hate just so they can earn money. All of this unhappiness is unsettling to me. I also hate happiness, well, I don't HATE happiness, I just think that there should be a limit to happiness. I just think individuals are too stressed in society and they are too stupid to operate outside of the norms so what I need to do is change the norms so their stress levels go down.

If that makes any sense.

What is your opinion of post-secondary education? Are you going? Are you in it? Did you go?

My 5 Qualms with University

I have some qualms with university life. This isn't specific to university classes and academics, more of the atmosphere, things surrounding university and residence, perhaps.

#5: Money

I feel kind of weird complaining about money but it is a common belief that people in university really are scraping by financially. Many and arguably most people come out with loads of debt and with no jobs available. But I am not here to complain about the government, loans or the unavailability of jobs, I am simply stating that it is ridiculous. Something does need to be done.

The other thing is that getting even a part-time job during university it hard. Everybody is trying to. I have a pretty good resume for an 18 year old, I have applied at a few places, I have not received any calls back. Although I haven't tried too hard. Still, I applied at probably 5-10 places over the course of the past few months and I have heard nothing.

It is ridiculous that people should even be working during school. It should be just time for study. If you add a social life to work and school it is insanely stressful. But more on that later.

#4: The Prestige
I hate how some universities have prestige over others. Does it really matter? It is about course content and good professors. Just because a university has a good rep doesn't mean that it has professors that are passionate and love their subject. Of course professors like that can be discovered at prestigious universities.

I just don't understand why one is better. Just go to the more inexpensive one and don't waste thousands of extra dollars.

#3: The Usage of University

That is a weird way to title my argument.

Many people go to school to attain a certain career, but that shouldn't be the only reason. So many people forget that university is a school and the purpose of a school is to learn. Yes, I understand earning money and attaining a career is important to many people but deep, deep down the ultimate purpose of school is to learn.

I just want students to realize this.

#2: The lack of adaptability

In high school education is becoming much more tailored to the individual with IEPs, specialized programming for advanced students, levelled courses, etc. University isn't like this. What you have is a lecture hall, exams, essays and readings. That is your structure. Sometimes there are labs. Sometimes there are co-ops. But it is all the same. You take 5 courses at once from Sept-Dec and then Jan-April, or at least this is my school.

There are no options to do things like take one course at a time for one month. I hate it.

Personally, I know I don't learn best by the university lecture method and having 5 courses at a time. I would much rather spend 3-4 weeks on one course at a time and not have lecture and just have everything in a book or online. I submit assignments and work within my own deadline. This is how I work, but not how university does.

#1: Stress

Everyone is stressed. Everyone is stressed. Everyone is stressed. It is constant. It is all of the time. Why are we stressed? Money, friends, school, grades, money, family, money, work, time, effort, assignments, readings, school, school, school. Sure, we have centres that offer counselling to help with time management and money management and emotional counselling and what not but so many people require these services... and they barely help. If people need these services to reduce stress maybe we shouldn't be trying to "fix" individuals and we should be fixing the entire school system.


What are your qualms with university? College? High school? Education in general?

WORDS ARE OVERUSED

Ancient philosophers decided to write down their thoughts only when they were important.

We decide to write down what we were pooping in on twitter.

Well then, as I see, things have changed.

We just carelessly use words. We throw them around without meaning. All of the sentences I am typing I am using the first word that comes to my mind when I could use diction and select better sounding words to make this sound better.

Well that is not happening.

As a society we have overused words. Just look around, on every single advertisement, there are words promoting useless crap. Useless, useless words.

We use words to communicate, obviously. The written word is the easiest to communicate because it can be seen everywhere by people who speak that language. Sure, we could communicate through videos now, I suppose, but there is never a video to support words, yet there are words to support videos.

I am obviously overthinking this concept.

Words have lost their special meaning, though. Words used to be special, they were used to write down things that we may want people in the future to know. They were used to record history and tell stories. We use the written word for communication, now, too. We wrote letters, but even then the use of words was much more artistic.

Do you ever just look at something and think "Why? Why the hell is that there?". Words are being used without a single shit, again.

We overuse some words.

Words lose their meaning after overuse. They gain a new meaning after a while. For example, the word "bully" used to be a term of endearment. Words just change.

I think we also use too many words. So many thoughts can be conveyed in a smaller amount of words. Implementing things like word minimums in essays is kind of redundant if you can explain your thought in less words. If you are able to convey an idea, explanation or argument in less words, that should be rewarded! You aren't droning on and on and on. Political science is like that. A lot of the political science texts I have read are repetitive and circular. Michael Ignatieff's book The Lesser Evil could probably be half the length. Convey your fucking idea in less words.

This blog post isn't going to turn into a book because it's a fairly simple idea. We overuse words to the point where their meaning is lost. The purpose of words has changed from being maintaining history to communication and now we are maintaining pointless history and having pointless communication. Does the "Hey" "hey" "Sup?" "Nm, you?" "Nm" conversation sound familiar? Pointless.

Anyways. That is all for now. What are your thoughts?

Eating disorders and Body image

Time to revisit this thought.

In the class I peer tutor, we've been talking about eating disorders and body image. I relate to this a lot, and therefore have been thinking about it a lot.

In past blog posts I have talked about my struggles with body image and food, but I have a lot to add, now.

I've struggled with having a negative body image since about grade 8. You hit this stage once or even more than once during puberty where you start gaining more body fat. In grade 8 I used to wear a lot of skinny jeans and I felt okay about myself, but I always sort of thought in the back of my mind that I should be aware of this part of my life when I start gaining weight, so I can counteract it by exercising and dieting.

I started thinking about dieting in about grade 6 or 7. I remember one day I just thought "If I eat fat, I'll get fat!" so I thought I should restrict the amount of fat I take in by looking at nutrition labels. I had no idea how much fat I was supposed to have, so I think I made up some random number like limiting my fat to 20g a day, or something like that. My mom saw me looking at a label on some cookies at my grandma's house, and asked me what I was doing, I told her, and she said that fat really isn't a huge part of losing weight. So I stopped looking at labels.

Until a year or so after that, I was on yahoo.ca and I saw this article that was titled something like "The best way to lose weight", so I clicked on it. Essentially it just said that calories are essential to watch, when you are trying to lose weight.

So there began the counting of calories. I never knew that counting calories could actually be a bad thing, because I thought I was just being healthy by watching it.

But then I remember getting closer to grade 8 grad, and limiting my calories more and more. I found a website that told me I should have about 1,600 calories. I read somewhere else that you need at least 1,200 calories (as a girl) to be able to function somewhat healthily. I read somewhere else that you require 800 calories in a day to live. As I got closer to grad, my calorie intake of 1,600 was soon limited to 1,200, but 1,100, wouldn't hurt, so I strived for that.

Just so you know, this is what I looked like at grade 8 grad (on the left):

I was probably about 5'5'' and somewhere around 100-110 pounds (I forget).

I am naturally skinny, naturally thin I should say. I saw pictures from my childhood, and I looked thin. I never really had that baby fat thing going on when I was 3/4 that kids usually lose. I never really was chubby at all. But I actually did find a few photos of me when I was 7/8 and my stomach was a little chubby. So maybe I am not naturally skinny?

I know I did lose weight during this time. I forget how much, but at one point I remember seeing the scale, and whatever the number was, it freaked the hell out of me (but really, it was a normal number, it's just since I was growing, I was gaining weight). I do remember that I got my weight down to 102. I think I saw a number like 112-115. I was 12 or 13.

Then high school started. The counting calories became insane. I had so many foods calories memorized. I wrote it down. Frequently throughout grade 9 and most of grade 10, you would probably be able to ask me how many calories I ate that day, and I could tell you a pretty precise number.

It got worse though. Even though I ate the right amount of calories (usually), I started going insane counting calories. I would look up calorie info on my phone and my laptop when nobody was looking. One time, I even went to the extent of taking the recipe my mom was making for supper, typing in all of the ingredients, and figuring out exactly how many calories were in it, and how much I would eat based on this.

My mom didn't ever really notice what I was doing. When we went shopping at the grocery store, I would go down aisles by myself, so I could look at all of the boxes of cereal, etc., so I could compare calorie amounts and get the best box.

I usually tried to eat 1,600 calories, but I did lower it to 1,500 and 1,400 time to time when I got more scared I was gaining weight.

I don't think I ever obsessively weighed myself.

Then there is exercise. In grade 8 or 9 I discovered that there were workout videos online. I was too ashamed to tell my mom I was doing them, so I would do them when my mom wasn't home. I soon started riding my bike a lot too.

I didn't excessively exercise, but combined with the food I was eating, I definitely wasn't doing my body too good.

I wasn't really anorexic, ever. But I wasn't healthy, that is for sure.

It is good to count calories and workout, but you can't be obsessive about it.

The only times I ever actually starved myself, were on days I was either wearing a dress (semi-formals, grade 8 grad, etc.) and when I went to the beach. I did this so I wouldn't be "Bloated" and I would look thinner just for the day.

My friends didn't notice, or at least they didn't say anything, when it was really bad. In grade 10 I feel like they noticed more, but I was slowly getting out of my bad habits at this point. I wasn't out of them completely, but I was slowly getting out of them.

Although I was eating the right amount of calories, and working out a decent amount towards the end of grade 10 and beginning of grade 11. I did try to be bulimic. I attempted probably 5-10 times in my life, to throw up my food if I thought I ate too much. I couldn't do it though. I tried so many different methods, but for whatever reason, I wouldn't allow myself to. I knew what I was doing, and I knew the consequences. I like to think that my subconscious just wouldn't let me.

In February 2012, (in grade 11) I joined the gym. Finally. I decided that food wasn't cutting it, and I would have to workout more. I honestly was very healthy about dieting at this point.

Most of the time from February 2012-now, I was pretty good.

Although I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, counting calories obsessively can be considered a form of anorexia.

I had relapses of eating problems. I stopped counting calories by this point. But I did have eating problems still. Just last year.

If I missed a day at the gym, or I felt like I didn't have a good gym session, I wouldn't eat as much as I was going to. I would still eat, just not as much.

I feel like some people may think that I workout too much. I did have some days at the gym where I would just go completely crazy and workout really intensely. I go to the gym 5-6 times a week, for 1.5-2 hours. I usually do 45 minutes of cardio, and the rest of the time is weight training.

At one point I claimed I was "cured" of my eating problems, because I didn't want the number on the scale to drop anymore. I wanted it to go up because I wanted to gain muscle. So when I hit 127 pounds, I was happy! But I actually dropped back down to 117, which I was sad about. But then I realized I just lost body fat %.

Learning about body fat % is definitely not my best friend.  Your body fat % is the % of body fat in your body, compared to your weight. I have become obsessed with this, within the past 5-6 months. I am trying to lower my body fat % and gain muscle. This, I don't want to call an eating disorder, and I don't have a negative body image anymore. This is just a body goal I have, that I am working towards in a healthy manor. 95% of the time.

The thing is I am still not 100% "Cured" as I once thought. Trying to get my body fat % down means that I eat less carbs, or burn more calories/fat. This is hard for me because I eat so much (not too much, just a lot). I want to have a nice set of abs, which I can tell I have abs, it's just my body fat is too high to be able to see them. I want to be able to see my abs. But I can't.

This still isn't the point. My point is that on occasion, I am really stupid about food. I eat everyday, I eat a LOT everyday. Sometimes if I miss the gym, I will eat less, which I guess isn't totally bad, because I do eat extra food to be able to work harder at the gym.

The problem is with running. I will go for a big run, and I won't feel like eating. I will think "I just burned 1,200 calories! Awesome! That's like half a pound!" then I won't eat. YOU NEED TO EAT AFTER YOU RUN. It doesn't help that you physically aren't that hungry after you run. I need to force myself to eat after I run. You need to eat to replenish your EVERYTHING so you can function and rest and heal properly.

I am mostly fine now. But I still on occasion look at my body, and I think my stomach has too much fat, or my butt, or my thighs. I look at my arms and think I'm a twig. I just can't win like this.

My doctor told me I am healthy. My mom thought I was working out too much. I told my doctor and she just said "That's a lot" and that "I wouldn't have that kind of time in university". She called my body type "slim".

Oh, and with my body fat %, I keep avoiding figuring it out, because I hate seeing it. I hate doing my body fat % because the number changes so frequently, and if it goes up, it drives me crazy.

Disadvantages of being Thin

I was lying in my bed taking a quick 10 minute power nap/break from reading my psychology textbook when I realized that my bony knees are touching each other and it kind of hurts. This drew upon previous information of mine. I am in love with Tina Fey and her autobiography Bossypants, in fact, I listened to the audiobook while driving to university this year, so it's pretty fresh in my mind. Anyways, this "knee touching" experience reminded me of one of the chapters in Bossypants  entitled "Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny" in which she had a list of disadvantages of being "very very skinny". One of these was "Sometimes I had to sleep with a pillow between my legs because my bony knees clanking together kept me awake". I highly encourage all people to read her book, even non-lovers of comedy. I just love her though, I am a little biased.

Anyways, during my "nap" (which is really more like a "freethinking" session while lying down) I started to compile my own list, granted, I am probably at the highest body fat % I have ever been at, which is only about 23%, which is really, really good. I am a thin girl, I run half marathons (I just signed up for my first marathon) and I lift weights. I got my body fat percent down to 16% once and it was amazing, although, upon reflection I realized it isn't all gold. It isn't the best thing ever.

So here is my list of Disadvantages of being Thin:

- You reach a certain point while losing body fat that you can't eat anything unhealthy or else it affects you
- People call you "skinny" or "thin" and use statements like "Wow, you're so skinny!" and "I wish I had your body" and as good as this may sound to someone else, it is really awkward when you are that person
- The people that don't say that say things like "Eat something" to you and that is worse because it makes you want to punch them
- People assume you are anorexic. This is how that goes:
Anorexics are skinny
That girl is skinny
Therefore she is anorexic
Nope, not at all.
- People expect you to stay thin. This isn't totally a bad thing, but it's easier to lose fat and become skinny than to gain 10 pounds of fat
- More people try to lift you up. Sometimes it's okay, it's romantic, whatever, but other times random friends of yours just try to lift you. Not sure why.
- You know what angles work for you. You know that you can't sit in chairs a certain way because it makes your thighs look larger, you know how to pose for the camera. If you weren't thin, things like this wouldn't take up space in your mind and you could actually occupy your thoughts with important things like school rather than sitting in class being like "my thighs look different like this"
- Tina Fey said this, and I agree. You are colder.
- People assume you are healthy. This isn't totally bad either, but many skinny people are not healthy. I hate people who look at someone skinny and go "man she's healthy", no, it could just be her body. I know many people my size that eat like animals and I have met people who are considered obese that are running half-marathons


That is about it for my list, for now.

It is not bad to be thin in any way shape or form. I am not going to turn this into some kind of "Body pride" post saying "love your body no matter what", mostly just because that shit is everywhere on the internet, but also because I think it is corny. It's not a bad thing to have pride in your body but if there is a single girl or boy out there that doesn't hate at least one thing on their body, kudos. Even if it's just a little freckle that you hate.

In general I like being thin. I am a runner, I like looking thin in the things I wear, I eat healthy, but I will tell you that I will never try to get my body fat % WAY DOWN ever again. I literally couldn't even eat a scoop of ice cream without it doing something to me. I like where I am now, mostly eating healthy, working out regularly but still being able to sit on the couch and watch TV while eating a healthy amount of sweets and chips.



Side note:
I have been having issues coming up with blog post ideas so if any readers of mine have any suggestions, please comment them below. I've been busy with school but I still want to post about 4-5 posts a month. I used to be able to do like 8-12, but university is hard, man.

I HAVE A LEARNING DISORDER!?

Last week I went to my family doctor for a couple of things, one thing was asking her about testing and/or medication for ADD (Attention deficit disorder). She informed me that I would need to go through testing. She prodded me more on possible symptoms that could signal that I have may have a learning disability. I pointed out that I approached her about my poor memory back in grade 10.

I have frequently complained about my poor memory on my blog and I've noticed it since grade 10.

I also realized another symptom I have been having other than poor memory and lack of ability to concentrate. I don't speak clearly sometimes. You can probably find hundreds of confusing sentences I have written on my blog posts before. My blogs aren't the worst, the worst is my handwriting because it is slower than my typing. Quite often I go on and on in a sentence and then I will actually switch the focus of the sentence halfway through because my memory has failed me halfway through and I will switch tenses and such. My memory fails me and I write confusing sentences.

My friends have also informed me they have "No idea what I am talking about" or texting about.

This is kind of a shock to me that I MIGHT have a learning disability/disorder.

I have received high grades ever since grade 2. I was at the top of the class until around grade 6 then I was just really good until grade 9. In high school (Depending on the subject) I was generally anywhere between having one of the top 5 marks to being just above average (except in science, math and french). I had a 92% average in my final year of high school, qualifying me for full tuition at my school, my first year.

I know that marks are supposed to drop in your first year, but I am having difficulty retaining and learning mass amounts of information at once. It is a lot more information thrown at you at one time and my brain just can't handle it. University is different.

I hate thinking that I may need assistance because I am an extremely independent person who hates relying on other people. In another way, I think that I could use the help. I really just wanted meds to be able to allow me to focus on my textbook readings, mostly. But now I have to go through this whole process.

I am going through for testing (hopefully). I have a meeting within the next week with the person who schedules and screens people for learning disability testing. It can cost me up to $1000 but it may be covered by OSAP (Ontario education funding assistance program, for those who do not know). I have to be approved to actually receive the testing first. If they don't sense anything before testing, I won't get any done.

Then I will just be back to square one, not knowing what is wrong with my mind.

In other news, I am getting really into writing poetry. I find inspiration everywhere, now. It's just a matter of finding the time to write it all down...

Oh well.

I don't want your pity or luck. I'm just writing this to inform the public about what I am going through, I suppose. Maybe looking for some insight from experts or people with experience with this sort of thing. I don't know.

Poopsocks.

I'm sick and tired of not being sick, so I'm going to be unhealthy

Allow me to explain the title of this post.

I am quite healthy. I am 18 in 11 days, up until before this summer started I had never smoked, never been drunk, I had run 2 half marathons, a 30k, I ate rather healthy (rarely eating sweets, I don't drink pop, chips, etc) and I was pretty balanced out. The only thing any doctors had any concern over was my caffeine consumption, which is rather high.

But other than that, I have always been average weight, on the cusp of being underweight, but I was never underweight. I worked out, running and lifting weights 4-6 times a week for 1-2 hours per session.

But that was before.

Now I still run, I still go to the gym. Not as often, around 4 times a week, but I rarely get in a good 2 hour workout anymore. I don't have the time now that I am in university.

I still do not drink alcohol, although I do plan to drink eventually. I just don't have access to alcohol and it is still technically illegal for me to drink, anyways.

I do smoke cigarettes. Not often. It was a choice that I made, nobody peer pressured me into anything, I just chose to. I smoke maybe 5-8 cigarettes a month. Not packs, individual cigarettes. I understand that each one takes away from my life, I know it is making me unhealthy. But guess the what? I am doing it anyways even though I fully realize how stupid it is- this is how stupid I am. Also I ran 45km this week and I have also smoked 2 cigarettes as well. It's more than what you're doing. I'm still lapping all of you.

I have began eating worse, as well. I still eat healthy a lot, but when I eat unhealthy I barely eat that day. I might have like almost 800mg of caffeine, and then ice cream and chocolate and maybe breakfast on top of that.

Why am I letting go of my health when it is so important to me?

Well, honestly, why does it matter? We are all going to die. I am still running and lifting weights, it's just I have less time and now my body is gaining weight and losing muscle, even though I am still probably working out about 8 hours a week.

I am not giving up on my physical fitness. I am planning on eating healthier again, soon. I am not where I am living this week so it has been harder. I also went on a weekend trip which threw me off and I also have midterms right now. So that I suppose does give some excuse to my eating habits. But I still plan to get back on track this week.

But I am smoking. Why do I smoke? I want to. It is nice to wind down with, it helps me relax and focus.

All I know is that I am going to ruin my heart. Studies show that running is actually super bad for your heart. Apparently there are heart issues in the family, with blood clotting (even with healthier members). My 10 year old cousin had a heart murmur just last year, and she is 10! I am starting a medication soon which has side effects of thickening blood (especially when you combine cigarettes). Well, I am going to have a heart attack. I am going to keep running. I am going to run a marathon this May (hopefully). I am going to take these pills even though I really don't want to. I am going to keep smoking.

My doctor also literally told me I am going to get cervical cancer because I didn't get the HPV vaccine. Well, I am sorry guys. I am going to get cancer and have a heart attack and die.

Bye guys, bye.

I love Niagara Falls but I hate Niagara Falls

I went to Niagara Falls this past weekend to see "Whose live anyway?" (a comedy tour). It was absolutely amazing, I got to go up on stage to help in a game called "moving bodies" (the comedian is still and you have to move their bodies to do actions). I got to move Greg Proops who is one of my favourite comedians. I love his podcasts "The Smartest Man in the World" so it was basically a dream-come-true to be able to be on stage with him.

Anyways, I am here to talk about the actual falls at Niagara falls. Yes, they are beautiful, they are an amazing natural thing of this earth. If you think of the falls that way, they are gorgeous.

But if you look behind you, all you see is capitalism, tourism, attractions, etc. It takes away from the beauty of the falls. If you walk down just a bit there are souvenir shops everywhere, other places decked out. It really did disgust me.

Although I did enjoy myself at the Hersheys store and some of the souvenir shops, though. It wasn't necessarily the "stuff" that made the weekend amazing, it was the experience. I love looking at all of the things. I only bought one "Niagara Falls" thing and it was a sweater. I bought a bunch of chocolate as well.

I did enjoy myself, it's just Niagara Falls is one of the biggest tourist traps. Should we boycott things like this? I say no, even though I think it is wrong to use the beautiful falls for this. But perhaps exploiting natural beauties isn't the best thing. But the little goodies you buy at the store helps you remember the place, right? Not really. It's a tourist trap!

I suppose there is an argument that it just a waterfall, it is water falling, who cares? But I guess that the beauty of the falls is in the eye of the beholder.

Another thing that sort of disgusted me was the Rainforest Cafe. The food was decent, way overpriced, but okay. For those who do not know, the Rainforest Cafe is a rainforest themed restaurant with animatronic elephants, gorillas, simulated rainforest storms and decorations everywhere. This may seem like paradise to a kid but I was honestly a little upset. They weren't even real animals and yet another product of capitalism is exploiting beautiful nature. The animatronic creatures were a little creepy, too. Although the experience and vibe of the place was nice, the food tasted okay and my drink was amazing I couldn't stop thinking about how overpriced everything was and how fake the whole design was. (My meal is posted below, it was around $22CAD, plus I had a drink that was $6)



Overall, this weekend was honestly one of the best weekends of my life, though. It wasn't because of the shops, the games and casino stuff everywhere, it was because I got to go on stage at the comedy show I went to and I had fun hanging out with one of my best friends.

What do you think about exploiting nature for profit? It's just a circle of capitalism, and it's not really harming anything too much, I just think it's a little disappointing that as a society we find things like this entertaining. What's your opinion?


Here are some photos from my trip:


(Another great thing the falls are for, is for making you look super cultured in your profile pictures on the web... oh society)

I don't know anything

"I know that I know nothing" - Socrates

In my english and philosophy lectures the concept of knowing nothing and accepting your ignorance. I was perfectly okay with this concept and let it sort of sit in my brain for a while until it hit me.

We actually really know nothing. Well, at least I do not know anything. Mark Edmunson's essay Why Read? which we read in english, essentially stated that one must abandon their past to fully examine a text. We must admit we know nothing, that we are ignorant. It also has a concept of "knowingness" which is essentially what is expressed by academics, they seem to know everything but they really know nothing. This concept is also explored in Plato's "The Apology".

After this sat in my brain for a while I finally absorbed it fully. I absorbed the concept that nobody really knows anything over a year ago. We can't be certain, we can only be almost certain, or likely. But what hit me was that I admire academics way too much.

I see people, maybe not necessarily famous academic geniuses, but teachers, professors and authors as these super geniuses. They get paid to tell me things and they earn money off of the text I am reading, so they must be right, right? Wrong. I was aware of this concept previously too, I just never made the entire connection until this week. Thanks brain.

But academics can't be trusted. Well, they CAN be. But they shouldn't be.

Also, you are not an academic who knows everything if you just know one thing. People frequently feel they are educated in all things when they are experts in one thing. I am really pushing "The Apology" on you, now. I love Socrates. So many people get annoyed with him. I just love dialectics.

Anyways. Don't trust academics. Listen to them without bias and then question the shit out of everything they say. That is my advice.

Don't even listen to me. I realized with my blog I try to be one of these "knowing people" when really, I also know nothing. I just hope that I am somewhat interesting enough to spark people's interests in some academic topic or even a tidbit of my life that can conjure a discussion or just a thought in your mind that keeps you going.

Also, I am still gathering traffic to my blog. So thank-you, traffic that somehow found me when I am never posting. I want to post at least weekly. I just find since I have started university it is so much harder to sit down and actually write out a full blog post. I will try my best. I promise. I also don't make promises, but I'll make an exception for my lovely corrupted readers. I mean, my lovely skeptics! XOXO;)

No, I did not just sign my blog with "XOXO;)". I take that back! Oh well.

Why every student should learn philosophy

I am enrolled in the Philosophy program at my school and I am planning to do a double-major with English and Philosophy. I love to think and to write, so this makes sense for me. Of course these two majors aren't very logical to go for since they don't provide a good job afterwards, unless you want to go to grad school and become a professor or you want to become a teacher.

Most people I know are either "science" or "arts" people. Either they are better at math and science or they are better at arts subjects. The "in betweens" are the social sciences because they sort of combine science and arts, like Psychology and Sociology. I used to want to major in Psych (and I still might) but that is besides the point.

The point is that being an arts student is extremely rewarding. I am not saying "Quick! Everyone go get an arts degree!" I just mean that at some point in your life you should either enrol in a single credit of philosophy, english, history, whatever your arts preference or perhaps just read a lot of literature based on a few subjects. I think it is extremely healthy and although shouldn't be a requirement, should be strongly recommended by most universities to have to have at least 1 credit in an arts subject.

I was reading an article in Macleans (here) about french students who think Philosophy shouldn't have to be a requirement since it doesn't prepare you for the "real life".

The real life?
THE REAL LIFE?

The real life should involve questioning, studying and your mind playing an active role in the understanding of great metaphysical questions and the questioning of ethics. The mind should have to do this. Why? It's simple. Blind commitment. If our society just keeps progressing we are going to start forgetting why we do the things we do. For example, Why do we shop in grocery stores instead of farming? Why do we want to get jobs? These questions are things everyone should have to really think of and answer. It doesn't even have to be ancient philosophy, it should be modern philosophy.

Maybe this is an over exaggeration and a fallacy, but I am just trying to prove to you that it is important to question things and if you have to force a mandatory philosophy credit upon students to get them to start questioning things, then do so.

If I could have it my way, I would have Philosophy a mandatory credit in high school for grade 11 students, just when they are starting to try to figure out their futures. If I could, I would also make philosophy a mandatory credit in university for first year students, although there are no assignments and although the reading is "recommended", the attendance is necessary, you have to pass by having attended something like 95% or even 100% of all classes. This way it barely takes away from your actual subject of study since there is no outside work, just perhaps a 1-3 hour lecture per week, for one or two semesters. That is it. No laptops, as well, so you have to pay attention. If I could have it more my way, again, I would have a seminar once a week as well in small groups so they can discuss what they learned in the lecture earlier in the week.

I want to ponder on my "modern philosophy" point. I think that people should have a healthy skepticism. Maybe the university philosophy course can be chosen more specifically to be a historical philosophy from a certain time period, a general overview or a more "modern" philosophy. Basically, questioning things that are around us today, like I said earlier like "Why do we go to the grocery store instead of farm?". Being able to question these things just makes us understand the world around us, a little more.

But the learning of philosophy or any other arts subject definitely doesn't have to happen in classrooms or lecture halls, it can happen in libraries, on the internet, or even alone.

I do understand how people find the study of things like literature, philosophy and history to be completely useless, but it isn't. People think that since it doesn't lead to a career that it is worthless to society. These people are the ones who tend to forget that getting a career isn't the be-all and the end-all.


If you are interested in learning anything about philosophy in specifics I suggest:
- Starting off with some Plato which is fairly easy to understand or perhaps Nietzsche if you have an advanced reading level and want to be slightly entertained because Nietzsche has some crazy ideas (which I love)
AND/OR
- Just question things around you
AND/OR
- Enrolling in one college credit at the college or university near you, perhaps you can just enrol in a "non-degree" which usually means that you can walk into any class and just pay attention, not get a degree and not have to do any work
AND/OR
- Have fun reading the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy http://plato.stanford.edu/ This is the best resource for everything philosophy. It is highly reliable and you can certainly learn from it. I've used it for research projects in the past but I suppose you could just read it for fun if you wanted to

Having fun expanding your minds!

More thoughts on feminism

Frequently in my blog posts I talk about feminism and how I find it almost an unnecessary movement in Western or more specifically, Canadian culture. I am also one of these people who says "What about men?" whenever there is a Women's Appreciation day of some kind or another.

I don't necessarily want to take back any of the things I said, yet I want to re-appropriate them.

I do not think the modern feminist movement is completely useless. Of course I want genders to be equal to each other, and I think we are darn close to, if not, we have reached it but I just openly hate "extremist" feminists.

My personal definition of an extremist feminist is a feminist who:

- Goes out of their way to put down men

- Goes out of their way to bring up women

- Does not work towards gender equality

- Acts irrationally 

- Dedicates their entire life to the feminist movement 

- Outwardly hates men

- Simply just pushes things "too far" by fighting harder than women are being fought against

I think this kind of feminism is completely irrational. Honestly, I do hate the term "feminist". Egalitarianism is more what I would prefer this to be called. 

But I will acknowledge there are many women being mistreated by men. Some of it doesn't even have to do with misogyny though, it has to do with disrespect. Sure, there are tons of accurate and inaccurate social studies that show women are being abused by men but that doesn't directly mean that the abuser is a misogynist, maybe he just can't manage his anger and he is just abusive to all people, even men. Studies aren't reliable.

I think the things that do need to be fought are in our courts and the american courts. Cases in which men get away with beating their wives, women can't use self-defence and the judges and juries are misogynistic. 

Gender equality in the workplace is a battle not worth fighting, unless the inequality is in pay for equal work and when there is equal seniority and experience. Having 50/50 employees in some workplaces doesn't make sense. Men can lift boxes better, more women are librarians. Deal with it. Affirmative action can suck it. 

The only other thing I hate doesn't bug me too much, but it bugs me that it bugs other women. It's guys who shout "blow me" or "suck my dick" or "I wanna fuck you" or "You are cocksucking beautiful" or any derogatory thing men yell at women from their cars, the streets, anywhere. This doesn't bug me (usually) because I either ignore them or yell "suck MY dick" back at them, but there was a time in which this would bug me. I just think it's weird how men shout stuff at women but women don't shout "fuck my vagina!" and embarrass guys over it. I mean, I'm sure that has happened but I just think it's weird. 

Dear Guys, 

Stop being dicks by yelling "suck my dick" at us from your cars. 

Love, 

Your mom (who is a woman who obviously didn't suck dad's dick because you piece of shit were born from my vagina and I don't know where I went wrong when raising you because you turned into a dick).

I am a pretty tough girl. When a guy is being weird to me I am able to ignore it. Girls shouldn't have to feel targeted and subjected at work when a creep is talking to her and she can't walk away because her boss won't let her. I can take it, but not everyone can. I would rather tell girls to "man up" than to tell a guy to "Cut it out" just because of my "fight" response to most things rather than flight, but honestly, this is all so stupid.

I am not a feminist. I am not even a mens-rights activist. I just think everybody should fight for what they want. I am not a liberal in the sense that everything should just workout and be equal, I am more of an anarchist because I think people should literally fight and shoot for what they want. I guess that's why gender equality doesn't concern me as much as it concerns other men and women.

Do you agree or disagree with my thoughts on feminism and/or gender equality?

Thoughts on censored Internet and the book "Feed"

I am reading M.T. Anderson's book "Feed" right now, and I love it so much! No spoilers please!

But what I want to talk about is the concept of an internal feed in your head, which is what this book is based around. Instead of computers or tablets external to your body, you have it in your head at all times so you are able to look things up just like that. 

I hate this idea! The Internet is so easy to censor rather than a book, so if we all learned everything we knew fom one large database, sure we would all know the same things but knowing things wouldn't be interesting anymore because there would be no fight to the facts, no bias, everything is just one way.

How boring would life be if historians didn't have to look at several sources, detecting biases and looking for the truth in past events? Just having the censored info there of whatever your government wants you to think or know.

If it's censored by the government, it is of course 10x worse, but still, in general, having some form of feed just internally does make things convenient but convenience can reach a certain point in which individual thought is ignored and life becomes super boring.

I would rather fight people with opposite beliefs to me on the Internet than have a Feed telling everyone what our beliefs are and what the answers are to our questions. I want to answer my own questions, not read biased answers on an external Internet or an internal feed.

All of this government censor stuff really freaks me out because you honestly don't know 100% what the government is doing and what they know. Everything seems fine, but you honestly never know. This is why things like wiki-leaks are our best friend. 

Whenever I read books like "Feed" by M.T. Anderson or even "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley I always get super paranoid, which I hate, but I love books like this. It's fascinating to think about this kind of stuff.

I think technology will go to far once censorship has taken over everything and information and education are perfectly standardized. This is when society will have reached its breaking point. 

What do you think about having an internal "feed" in your head?

Panhandling Confrontation

Today I was leaving the mall after purchasing a few random items from the Dollar Store and I was walking out to my car. A tall skinny girl with a neck tattoo in her early twenties came up to me and told me a story about how she is stuck and needs like $20 for gas and things and that she has 2 kids in her car and she is stranded and blah blah and then repeatedly said "I am not a panhandler".

I told her that I didn't have a lot of money and that I am a student but I'll give her some change and I gave her $3.

I have no idea what the hell she actually needed the money for, maybe she did need gas and had 2 kids in her car, who knows!

I am not a charitable person and I feel like I just gave her the $3 just for her to leave me alone. I honestly don't care if she's going to buy drugs or whatever, she asked for the money and I gave her $3, it's as simple as that.

I probably did get "scammed" but is it really scamming if you don't care what happens with the money? Essentially I see the transaction as me giving her $3 and that's all. I don't care what happens to that money.

Maybe I gave her the money because I really don't see the value in money. Well, I understand the value in money, but I really don't care about money that much. I am not a communist, I just think there are better things in life than money.

Part of the reason I bought my car was because I value time over money. Sure, I might spend $50 a week on gas and have to pay upkeep and whatnot, but now I have the ability to save time by driving places than waiting on a bus. I am saving time by spending money. I value time over money. It is as simple as that. (and yes, this was really the main contributing factor to me buying a car). Although I supposed another person could see this as useless because you have to spend time to earn money to spend money to earn time, but the money that I used to buy the car wasn't even mine, I got it from an inheritance. I did work and so that money will go towards gas, so I guess really I am just forming a stupid circle.

I could not ever work and just walk everywhere. That would actually be such a wonderful life and a terrible life. You would need money or something to trade to get some things like food.

I think it's weird you have to pay for food because food is natural and so are humans so denying humans the free things of the earth is weird. Although groups of people (companies) have claimed this natural source and combined several of these sources to make several unnatural ones and then sold it back to us.

Humans are real suckers. Squirrels don't have to fucking pay for their goddam food. Society has fucked up all natural things of the world and I HATE it. This is going back to my technology post from yesterday.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. I guess the main reason why I gave that girl the $3 was just to get her to stop bugging me and also because I really don't care. I had like $70 in my wallet at the time, it's not like I gave her all of my gas or food money.

I honestly don't give a shit about the less fortunate, about philanthropy, charity, etc. As I said, I am not a charitable person.

Technology is making us L-A-Z-Y

Lately, I found myself often pondering on the idea of technological advancement.

When will it come to a halt/standstill or plateau?
Will it lead to the downfall of the human race, or any other animal?
Why is technology bad?
Why is technology good?
Does technology help us or hinder us?


My personal belief is that some technology is good and some of it is bad.

Examples of Good Technology are things that help people as well as the environment, other animals or the earth or possible the universe in general.
- Reading glasses
- Books (yes I am claiming books are technology)
- Telephones
- The bicycle

Examples of "Bad" Technology:
- Any piece of machinery that has to do with whatever Monsanto or any other company because they are polluting the earth and the plants (which are IRREPLACEABLE) with genetically modified crap and then making us pay for food which should be rightfully ours as members of this planet
- Cars (Do we really need to travel THAT far THAT often? Basically everywhere we go is in walking or biking distance but people are too lazy)

Too lazy. Let's just dwell on this point for a while. The reason why technology is becoming a "bad" thing is because it's making people lazier. Instead of farming we are going to work at a sit-down job and then run on a treadmill later to burn calories so we don't become obese. Have you noticed how obese we are all getting? We don't need this much food in our bodies yet with the combination of fast-food chains and video games, we are making it so easy to become unhealthy.

We are killing ourselves. We don't care enough to put a stop to our misuses of technology because, well, we are too lazy too! It is so easy to think something on the internet like what I am doing right now, talking about technology or Billy-Joe is on youtube commenting on some video saying "ABORTION IS BAD".

Is this where we are at? A society of overweight people who are too lazy to do anything about it other than complain on twitter or eat ice cream with genetically modified ingredients to console our natural emotions? Apparently.

I have also been dwelling on the idea of creativity lately. I think the internet has removed the ability to be creative. About half an hour ago I was trying to think of a title for something I was writing and I wanted it to have something to do with sadness/depression and something to do with happiness. The first word to do with happiness that came to my mind was "bunnies" and then my brainstorm session was over. Why? I decided to google "happy things". I immediately stopped in my tracks.

I was so lazy to creatively think of happy things that I googled "happy things". Do you see how lazy we are getting? This is just a really small thing but I immediately caught onto it.

Our laziness is taking over our creativity and minds. We would rather watch a TV show than write our own. We would rather google "how to run" than experiment with running ourselves. We are a cautious, lazy, scared society and I honestly want to do something about it.

But I am too lazy. This blog post will most likely end my journey of trying to get people to stop being lazy.

At least I do better than the people on youtube misspelling "craitionism" (creationism) and aborshun (abortion).

That leads me to another idea, the way we compare ourselves to each other; I am going to stick a pin in the idea of comparison and write about it another time.

The unique reason I was told not to major in Philosophy

Hi, my name is Sarah and I am majoring in Philosophy.

Now that the introductions are over because I don't care who you are, I can get to my blog post. That was sarcasm and I feel the need to point it out because I have enough trouble trying to convince people I am not rude.

I have been told by many different people not to major in philosophy. Most people when I tell them my major is philosophy say nothing but there is the odd person that comes out with some weird comment.

Before I get to the unique reason, here is a list of things people have said to me after I told them I was majoring in philosophy:

"So, do you like sciences or maths at all?"

"Haha, so you can find the meaning of life?"

"What's philosophy? Is that like psychology?"

"Why?"

"Who is your favourite philosopher?"

"What are you going to do with that?"

"You know what philosophers do, right?"

"Hahahhahaha"

"You can't do anything with a degree in philosophy"

Usually after I tell people that I am majoring in philosophy they tend to avoid eye contact like I'm some kind of gadfly that's going to fly into their eyes or something.

Anyways, on Tuesday I was talking to 2 psychiatrists (I will explain why I was talking to two psychiatrists in a separate blog post, soon) and I told them I was majoring in philosophy and then they said something along the lines of
"Maybe philosophy isn't the best major for you because your brain is more in the air and you need to stay grounded".

The whole time they were explaining this to me I was thinking about society and stuff I should've probably been telling them but they were pissing me off with that comment.

I was thinking "Yes, my ideas are different, they aren't normal, they aren't 'grounded' but they are realistic."

If I said that I thought my ideas were realistic to them, I think they would've died of laughter.

Why are my ideas realistic? Societally, they are not realistic. I don't think god exists and for some reason that seems preposterous to people. Yet realistically, god doesn't exist.

I don't think life has meaning, I am a nihilist and to society that seems weird. Yet realistically, life has no natural purpose. It has a societal purpose.

My ideas are raw, my beliefs aren't beliefs except when facts don't exist and my ideas are depressing. My ideas are depressing. It feels nice to say that.

But the thing is that since my ideas are depressing, suddenly that makes me not 'grounded' because having depressive thoughts isn't normal. That should be a question not a statement. Are depressive thoughts not normal?

Depressing thoughts are normal. I heard a statistic on the radio that said 1 in 5 people of people are diagnosed with depression or have depression at some point in their life. If 1/5 of people have depression it is not even that far fetched of a thing to have then, is it?

Anyways, I wasn't diagnosed with depression by these psychiatrists, but that's besides the point.

The point is that I am the most grounded person I know. I am more realistic than most people I know. Maybe my ideas aren't the "norm" but they are certainly more realistic than whatever the hell most people are thinking these days. So if being a non-conformist isn't being grounded than I can't wait to start floating the fuck around in my no-gravity zone. There's not much traffic up there, so I don't have to wait or worry about being late to work. I can just float the fuck out of that shit.

Oh goodness, I just realized I said "My ideas are raw" earlier. I am keeping it there for hilarity's sake, but don't you ever let me say that again.


If I told you I was majoring in philosophy, what would you say?
Do you have a weird major or major in philosophy like me, how do you respond to people's comments?

Last week before University ramble

Hi. How are you? That's good, I really don't care.

I am pretty unemotional but I am sure this week is going to be filled with many screams of joy and exhaust.

Let's see, here is my unofficial list:

1. Pack shit the fuck up because I am moving 5 hours the fuck away to go to University.
2. FIGURE OUT WHY MY BACK HURTS. Actually this isn't on my list, but my back fucking hurts. I think I've wrecked it from MY LAST DAY OF WORK (yesterday). Jeezzz.
3. Watch all of the comedy shows. Classes don't start until September 9th but I am trying to get through a bunch of TV shows, lectures and podcasts to listen to. I am trying to finish off Nurse Jackie and get through as much of the Drew Carey Show as I possibly can. I also have a collection of Proopcasts and some tedtalks I want to listen to and watch.
4. Cry
5. Hug my dog
6. Cry while hugging my dog
7. Throw a fucking party and I'm the only one invited
8. Leave my room clean and sort through the papers I definitely should not leave behind for her to read.
9. Go to the gym
10. Go for lots of runs because I want to
11. Drop off my law textbook at my high school because for some reason I still have it
12. Cry while dropping off the textbook and make my past teachers think I am even more crazy than when I left
13. See some friends
14. Not see some friends
15. Not get to see my cousin because her mom is not only has an asshole, but her entire personality is of one.

Jeez-Louise.

People keep asking me if I am nervous or excited for university and I can honestly say that I am both and neither. I am nervous for my roommates because I am scared they'll be major druggies or nymphos or want to talk to me everyday and have conversations... like what are people? Partially kidding. Partially. I am also nervous that I am going to have too much of a workload. I have Geology, Philosophy, Poli Sci, English and Psychology my first semester. I am also starting up the Comedy Troupe at my school. I also have an avid gym and running schedule that I like to not skip. I don't plan on having a social life. My social life will hopefully be my Comedy Troupe, if things go as planned.

I am excited for the Comedy Troupe, for English and Philosophy and to meet some of the new people I am going to meet. I am usually not big on meeting new people and doing new things because I am a lame introvert, but I am excited to meet some new people. I like change and new things, it's just a stretch for me.

In general I think that I am ready for university. I am actually spoiled rotten by the amount of things my mom bought me.

Let's talk about this whole University thing for a second.

Last summer I decided I didn't want to go to University because my whole non-conformist person kicked in and was like "It's all stupid! You don't need a piece of paper to say 'Dis person iz smarttt' Credentialism is nonsense!" but then I realized that to fix society you have to live at least partially within it. You can't play baseball unless you're in the field. It's like trying to bat balls from the seats. It just doesn't work.

Then I decided to go to university because of my fascination with learning. I love to learn things and schools are generally where you learn things. I want to say that 80% of the reason I am going to university is because I want to learn, and that is true, although now there is this little 5% that says "Go because society is telling you to!". FYI the other 15% is because I don't know what I'd do if I didn't go to university.

My major has changed wayyyyyy too much. Let's just for once and for all give a final layout of what I wanted to be when I "grew up" since I was a kid

1999- Cake Baker (like my mom)
2000- Doctor
2003-2006- Veteranarian
2006- Astronaut
2006-2012- Psychologist
2012-2013 Teacher

And what I wanted my major/minors to be from grade 9, onward:
- Psychology
- Psychology + Minor in Sociology
- Psychology + Minor in Gerontology
- Psychology and Philosophy
- Psychology and Sociology
- Psychology and Political Science
- Political Science and Philosophy
- Philosophy
- Philosophy and Psychology
- Philosophy and English

Confusion.

I also plan to get my Bachelor of Education. I want to do graduate studies but I am not really sure yet.

I don't have to declare my major until the end of 1st year, so at least I have a little more time. I can't tell you how much I have thought and over thought this.

Lately all I want to do is become a comedian even though I am not that funny. I just want to do whatever I am watching on TV and I am watching Standup and Improv lately. I wanted to be a City councilman when I was watching Parks and Recreation. Thank goodness I didn't want to sell paper when I was watching the Office.

I'll figure it out. Maybe.

Why I want to be a Dog (A Poem)

Envious of dogs.
They do not have to worry about
Religion, philosophy and thought.
They don't have to fight the battles,
Put out by the ill-witted
of most
Humans.
They get attention by many.
It is not odd for them to approach other people.
No customs, no conformity.
Just sniffing privates
and moseying around.

I used to hate the domestication of anything.
We removed their freedom.
But they are blind to it,
so does it matter?
Ethics.
Just another thing that doesn't matter to dogs.

If I were a dog I wouldn't have to deal with stupidity,
With annoyances and with society.
Life would be filled with attention,
confidence, praise, free food, a home.
No difficult decisions or failures.

I doubt it does,
but If reincarnation exists
I would want to be a dog,
or nothing.
As long as I'm not a male
Because fixation and castration
Are not days I want to experience. 

Cigarettes-- My story

This is something I have never told anyone before. My blog (especially extremely old posts in other blogs I had years ago in high school) used to be more of a personal thing. My friends read it, usually I would insert some kind of hint towards a secret or something. This feels like one of these childish posts except it isn't a crazy secret and I am revealing all of it.

I hate cigarettes. They are disgusting, cause lung cancer, were the likely cause of the death of my uncle and my own father and cause many other health problems. I am perfectly well aware of all of this.

I lived with second hand smoke for the first 10 years of my life from my father. I most likely picked up some from my mom since she smoked as a teenager until she found out she was pregnant with me and then she quit. Even though she quit, it's not like the past 25 years of her life would've played any part in the development of me in the womb (that was sarcasm).

I've actually done a bit of reading on second hand smoke and discovered that second hand smoke is almost as bad as smoking light cigarettes (cigarettes that are more airy, bigger filter, etc). I was reading about all of the medical side effects of second hand smoke, which are basically the same as smoking and I already have experienced one. Middle ear infection. I am not sure how second hand smoke and middle ear infections go hand-in-hand, but I had a really nasty ear infection and ear problems as a child. I had to have tubes placed in my ears for a while which have been taken out since then. I also have really poor hearing, but I don't think that has anything to do with second-hand smoking. I have actually more recently (within the past year) been exhibiting symptoms of a disease associated with second hand smoking (not exclusively associated) which I haven't seen a doctor about yet. 

I hated the smell of cigarette smoke in the house as a kid, usually. I thought it was kind of cool to smoke, though. I watched my dad do it and I thought it looked cool. I pretended to smoke cigarettes with my childhood friend, but we used these pieces of straw and grass and such and then would say "but we'll never smoke" to each other. 

Don't worry, I'm about to get to the secret.

After my parents split up I hated my Dad and I still hated the smell of cigarettes. I literally would plug my nose or stop breathing every time I smelled one in public. One time I was in a weird cafe-type restaurant with my mom when I was about 11 or 12 years old and this was around the time restaurants were banning smoking smoking at all inside (because before it was just certain sections of the restaurant you were aloud to smoke in) and I thought it was extremely mean for them to do that to smokers. Weird. 

Anyways, my Dad passed away when I was 12. 

I haven't given too much thought to cigarettes since then, other than the fact that I find them gross and that they smell horrible.

Until about two years ago. 

Two years ago I started finding the smell of cigarettes appealing. Instead of plugging my nose I would breathe in and smell the smoke. I have done some reading on cigarettes and some say that it can be a type of fetish (liking cigarettes and the smell/appearance of them) which I know I don't find smoking sexually attractive. I thought maybe the cigarette smell is connected with my dad through weird psychological ways which makes me like the smell and miss the smell from the first 10 years of my life. But I don't think that's it. I feel like I would be aware of this being the reasoning for me liking the smell of cigarettes, maybe not but I don't know. 

I guess that's most of the secret. Except for the past 6 months all I have wanted to do is smoke. It's horrible to know that I want to do something so harmful to my body. I am a runner and smoking won't help my lungs and breathing problems I already have on occasion. 

I know it's horrible for you. But I think being a second hand smoker for 10 years of my life has already gotten me addicted to the smell of them.

There have been opportunities for me to smoke which I have turned down. I almost did once. 

But I am also a chicken and I am afraid, which should be a good thing. I feel like signing up for cigarettes is like signing up for a death wish. I do have willpower. But I am curious. Sue me for being curious! I am "young a stupid", right society? I'm actually not one of those teenagers that does stupid things--- ever. 

I don't know. 

This is weird.

I'm not promising I will never smoke, because someday I might smoke just one cigarette. I don't want to say "I've already had effects from second hand smoking so it doesn't matter" because it's not like I have lung cancer or bronchitis right now (as far as I know).

This is really, really stupid, I know it. I may never smoke cigarettes and there is a very good chance I won't. I do think it is disgusting, I think people that smell like cigarettes are disgusting. I would never marry a smoker. Yet, I am considering smoking a cigarette. I am the biggest hypocrite I know. Whatever.

What has been your experience with smoking?

Use logic and don't be hopeful (not always) PART 2

Here lies my original post

This is in response to my previous post. I claimed that hope, dreams and faith are almost useless since there can always be a physical action you can do to work towards a real goal rather than hoping for a dream to come true.

This is completely true and I hold my ground when I say that "hoping, wishing and praying" do nothing but I have pondered upon this subject even more since than and arrived at a new answer.

Although you can do things to work towards a goal, it can get extreme. For example: Let's say you have a goal to buy a $100 shirt because you love it so much but you only have $20. You earn $20 a week but you don't want to wait. You could just wait and then buy the shirt but you could always sell some of your old items online or in a yard sale or offer people to house sit or baby sit to earn more money faster.

But the extreme route would be to do things outside your comfort zone or with the use of effort that outweighs the benefit of getting the shirt. For example, if your morals state you are against prostitution and you sleep with someone for the shirt, that is probably extreme in your books. If you desperately spend hours and days looking for a second job ONLY for the shirt, that may also be extreme.

Even though you could do these things, they become illogical when they become extreme because the costs outweigh the benefits.

My original blog post title was "Use logic and don't be hopeful". Well by using logic you could determine when the costs outweigh the benefits and once they do it becomes illogical. I think this is when things like dreaming and hoping are useful.

But let's say you are fighting for your life the costs are probably not ever going to outweigh the benefits so it would be useless to dream, hope or wish.

This is just something that stupidly didn't come across my mind when I wrote the original post.

That is all!

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Why I am so sure that God doesn't exist

Why am I so sure that god doesn’t exist? 

I would say “I can just feel it!” but that wouldn’t make sense. It’s like that feeling when you are standing in the middle of nature, in awe, and a theist says “Wow! I feel god out here!”. No, you feel science. You feel plants, animals and fresh air. Yes, it is beautiful but I don’t know why you would want to feel a wrinkly old man out here. 

I can’t just say that I “feel” god doesn’t exist. There has to be a reason. There has to be logic. Ironically, it was logic that led me to believe god doesn’t exist. 

When I was 7 years old I found out the Easter Bunny wasn’t real after looking it up in the phone book and discovering there was no “Bunny, E”. My mom admitted it and I asked her if God existed since the easter bunny doesn’t exist. 

God is pretty much the same idea as the tooth fairy, easter bunny and Santa, except adults still believe in God.

What if God was just like Santa? Like “Oh you don’t have to act good! God doesn’t exist! We just die and there’s no afterlife because that doesn’t make sense! HAHAHA GOTCHA LIL’ JOHNNY!”

I digress.

I am so sure god doesn’t exist because it doesn’t make logical sense. A man in a sky telling you what to do and what not to do? Earth created by another man? We are just animals, like cats or snakes. We just happened to figure things out faster than any other animal. We are not that special. We are quite stupid to have created a god out of our minds and said “This fictional man did it!” and have a huge population believe this is true.

I am an atheist because of logic. I am an atheist because believing in something with no proof doesn’t make sense. I am an atheist because just because religions have existed for a long period of time, doesn’t make their beliefs a fact. It does make their actions funny things for us to read in textbooks. 

How to Convince People to Agree with your Philosophies

You can't. I apologize for the misleading blog title, but you can't.

Here's why:

People are really stubborn. People hate being wrong and people would rather lie than be wrong.

Theists, you can't really convert atheists to theists and same to atheists, you can't really convert theists to atheists.

Every single atheist I have talked to has discovered through independent research and questioning that god doesn't exist. I know many atheists that openly try to get people to learn their perspective and learn that god really doesn't exist, but it doesn't work because people are not just going to up and change.

Getting into arguments about this stuff online is really pointless too, because you aren't going to change the other person's mind.

When was the last time a Jehovah's Witness actually convinced you at your door?

People change their religions when left alone. When I was a Christian I probably wouldn't have become an atheist if a group of atheists approached me and maybe if they had, I wouldn't have ever become an atheist because I would've had this prejudice against them. Maybe I would've.

Just stop telling me about your religion or beliefs because it's not going to change mine. If I am interested in them, I will ask you. Do not get proactive about this kind of stuff.

This doesn't even have to be about religion or theism/atheism. This can be about anything.

Even a kid trying to convince another kid the colour blue is better than the colour green wouldn't be very successful.

Of course there is the odd time when trying to convince another person of something does work but that is not the likely case.

Even though I realize I can't convince all my theistic friends and family to become atheist, it won't stop me from talking about atheism whenever I want to. I am just not going to try to proactively hand them brochures or lecture them.

People aren't just going to switch sides. It takes time to make these decisions. My change from Christian to Atheist was gradual. I was an Anglican Christian, Christian, Spiritual Christian, Spiritual, Agnostic, Agnostic Atheist and now I am Atheist. This all happened in maybe a 3 month time span.

People don't just wake up and think "I'll try mormonism!" or answer the door and think "Sure! I'd love to attend the Church of Latter Day Saints!".

Open-minded people might. But even they aren't going to let go of their stability of their beliefs until they are ready to leap.

It's not impossible to convince other people, but it is highly unlikely.

If you actually came here to find out how to convince people of your philosophies, here is one tip:

Get close to them, but not close enough in which you will argue with them because then they won't talk back and they aren't overly comfortable with you so they won't question you too much. I find this works well with door-to-door people because they get friendly with you but you don't know them well enough to punch them in the face when they say something you think is stupid.

AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES don't be hostile towards another person if you are trying to get them onto your side of a belief system. This happens all of the time on the internet and it doesn't fucking work out so stop wasting your time.

This was a very professional blog post. It was just in my mind for a few days and I just spewed it all out right now. Sorry, I am not editing it.

Do you have any techniques to convince people? Do you think I am wrong in thinking it is hard to convince people to agree with your philosophies?

Truth and Lying

The past few days I have been pondering on the subject of truth.

I was thinking about how important truth is to our society and how easy it is to become susceptible to lies. It's the easiest thing to hear a fake fact like "39% of people have yellow kitchens" and take it as truth just because it sounds real. This is called truthiness or wikiality. I recommend you do some reading on the word "wikilaity" which was coined by Stephen Colbert.

As I said, I was thinking about the importance of truth and since it's so easy to believe lies online that we are a society that is very-much-so based on lies as well as fact. I realized this a while ago and when I did I basically stopped myself in my tracks right there. I was mesmerized by this idea but I carried on with my life. When I realized this once again I thought "I should stop lying" but doing this is so hard. It is natural to lie.

We lie to ourselves all of the time. "Yes these pants fit" "Yes I can afford them" "Yes I can wear them to work" "Yes I can put them in the laundry" when really the answer is no. It's just stretching the truth.

I was thinking how these little lies aren't that bad. We can lie a little lie once in a while. I remember as a kid thinking how every small lie would always snowball into one big lie. This hasn't happened to me too often. The only time things snowball is when I lie about where I am because for some reason I have a hard time doing this.

I think lying is so common that we do it subconsciously. I am an atheist and I know god doesn't exist, so when I look at a (thinking) theist I think they are probably subconsciously lying to themselves. Maybe not, that is just my opinion. I just think perhaps theists will hear the facts but they just don't care and so they brush them off with lies.

Is it that bad to lie? I think sometimes it is, like when theists lie to themselves. This changes society as a whole. Perhaps 15% of the world population is non-religious/atheist/agnostic and approximately 29% of Canada's population is non-religious/atheist/agnostic but if people keep lying to themselves that number isn't going to increase as quickly as it should. Although in the past 10 years it has basically doubled.

See that? Those statistics up there. They could be lies because they seem easy to believe. I take them as fact, as truth. But the truth is I read them somewhere, a couple of sources but I don't know for a 100% fact whether or not they are fact. They could be made-up.

Plus surveys aren't reliable anyways because people can easily lie on them. People answer surveys based on the way the question is asked. If they are answering a survey based on ice cream consumption by a fitness guru at the gym they are probably going to lie saying they eat less ice cream rather than asking customers at an ice cream store, even if the same people were surveyed at both places.

So how can we tell truth and lies apart? We can't. This is why I am a skeptic. I try to accept as few things as possible as fact. I think we all have a good idea over what is real and what isn't but as a skeptic, I know that you can never really know.

We don't know. Another one of life's mysteries.

Everything you read out of a textbook can't be taken as fact. You may learn it in school but teachers and textbooks make mistakes, surveys are flawed and science experiments can go wrong.

"Man went to the moon" you say, but do you even know there is a moon? How do we not know that the government isn't projecting it into the sky. You haven't been into space to tell the difference, have you?

This is getting way too in depth for what I really wanted to talk about. Let me backtrack.

I want to say I think that little lies to ourselves like "This one chocolate bar won't hurt" are okay but they aren't. Lying to ourselves and lying to others doesn't lead to truth. Even if you think a small lie won't hurt anything, like being just one person lying about your religious stance or lying about your bra size while taking a survey, it does affect everything. You are a member of society, and even though you only represent one person, do you think you are the only one lying? No. Maybe. But it is unlikely.

Unlikely. This actually leads me to a new point (sorry for straying again) but certainty and impossibility don't exist. I used to just say that nothing is impossible. Anything can happen, you won't know until you see it. For example, you must be american born to be president but perhaps I will be the president if that law lifts (because I am Canadian). It is highly-unlikely but not impossible. I recently realized certainty also doesn't exist. You don't know that you aren't being controlled by little wires. You can't even know for sure that you exist.

Even though I just said even small lies are bad, will I always tell the truth? It is unlikely.

Anyways. Sorry for making your brain hurt.

See that? I just apologized for something I am not sorry for. I already lied.

Do you think it is okay to lie? When?

What does truth mean to you?