Can I call myself a non-conformist?

I used to call myself a non-conformist in high school, yet one of the largest things I claimed to not conform to was high school. I called high school out on all of its bullshit but I stayed and completed my diploma. I did not even want to go to university just because of credentialism and conforming to society's requirements of me. But I am at university.

So now I ask myself, am I even a non-conformist? I kind of dropped this description for myself a while ago.

I don't think it is necessary to declare oneself as practicing a certain philosophy like non-conformity, but I like to be sure of myself. I like to be able to find myself to be easily defined. I don't know. I am precise and weird like that.

So am I a non-conformist?

I am following all of society's conformities but I recognize that I am doing so. The difference between a university student attending university passively because they were told to go and myself is that I made the choice to attend an institution recognized in society as a credible way to get an education.

I do think that most people that are able to recognize the words conformity and non-conformity automatically drift towards non-conformity just because it seems like the more creative... that's not the word I'm looking for... it seems like the more liberal way to go. Not even liberal. It just seems like the choice one should make, I suppose.

Conformity does have its place. Chaos can occur in a non-conformist society but, I don't necessarily fear chaos, although, my character and background do suggest that I do like order. It is nice, but that is because I am in a structured society so I think it is expected.

I don't know. It's a hard call to diagnose myself as a non-conformist. I know that it is weird diction to call this a "diagnosis" but it feels like that is all I am really doing anymore. Trying to find what is wrong with me and what is right. I am just trying to figure out myself, still. I always am.

Whether or not I am a non-conformist is actually pretty irrelevant considering the fact that I consider myself a skeptic. I think. Maybe I am not a skeptic? Any philosopher/skeptic will get that joke. I hope. Please? Come on! That was solid.

Okay now I am just being dorky.

In general I would lean towards saying I am a non-conformist over being a conformist, although I feel like I obviously do not exude the qualities of a non-conformist. I don't refuse to do everything in society but I am aware of conformities in society and have a tendency to avoid them. I think that being a non-conformist is horrible for myself since I am still choosing to live in society. I hate doing assignments and studying in university because I don't think I am learning what I personally want to learn from it. Sure, I am studying subjects I like but I am not studying exactly what I want and not learning what I want either because university is structured learning. What I learn is dictated to me, which I hate. Therefore, my grades have a tendency to suffer since I am not enjoying myself as much and it takes me longer to get around to doing things I don't want to do.

It is not overly crucial for me to analyze whether or not I am a non-conformist, I just thought it was an interesting thought I had and went with it in this blog post. As I said, I just really like figuring myself out. I feel super dorky writing this post because I feel like it was what I blogged about close to a year ago. Not that I was dorkier then (well I was), I just feel like I have moved past a few things in my life and so it feels weird writing this post. I don't know. Here's me, just analyzing and over-analyzing every little detail of what I am writing and my life.

Dear University, I hate you.

I hate university.

I absolutely and positively hate university.

Why? I have learned nothing of value yet. I am at midterms in my second semester and I have learned nothing that has any value to me whatsoever. It is not that I am in the wrong program or at the wrong school, I love philosophy and psychology. It is just I am surrounded my professors who do not care about us. I am in an environment that does not support learning.

High schools and primary schools have a pretty good grasp on engaging students but just because we are paying thousands and thousands of dollars every year to learn, doesn't mean we are automatically engaged.

Sitting passively in a lecture hall isn't helping anyone. The material is dull, the professor isn't engaging and the slideshow really isn't helping anything.

I am bored. This is boring.

What I have learned about university is:
1) You learn EVERYTHING about one course from ONE book. This makes no sense. You have one textbook, maybe a few other books for one class and you are expected to learn everything about that one area or subject of study from those few materials. This doesn't seem very fair. The courses could be better constructed without following the textbook, or better than that, write the textbook to be tailored to a better course, Mr. Doctor.
2) Professors pretend to know everything. Sure, they know everything about their own subject but they assume this makes them better than most others. Of course, this is a generalization, there are some professors that aren't like this but, the truth is many of my professors and others I have met just seem to act like they know all.
3) You need a degree to do anything of value to earn money. I am in university and I can't even get a part time job at the mall. I've been searching for months.
4) Your program is not in the slightest bit tailored to you like high school was. High school had levelling to help you adjust to the material. University doesn't have this. Of course, you are expected to have a degree of intellect if you are in university. There is academic support for people who need tutoring. But what about me? I do not learn by reading or sitting in lecture, which is what university is. I learn by self-teaching myself. I learn with assignments. I learn with experience and actually doing things. But I can't learn that way to get my BAs in psych and philosophy.
5) You are an undergrad. Not a genius. You don't have a BA or BSc, or whatever you are aiming for. You are practically a child compared to people with PhDs.

I hate this. I have learned nothing, yet I hold around a 75% average. This tells you what university is like. There is the odd lesson or lecture that naturally engages me but for the information that is dull and needs to be learned, there has to be an alternate way.

Everyone hates studying. It is literally suffering for me. I feel like I am going to die. I go into mental breakdowns almost every time I try to study.

It is just not my cup of tea.