Library Brain

I have something I have officially deemed as "Library brain".

To those who do not know, I work at a library, putting away books.

My definition of "library brain" is when you are preoccupied with a menial task and you just think away.
Side effects?: Delusions, whatever the opposite of laziness is, and the potential for a great idea you will not follow through with.

Essentially "library brain" is just when I am at work and I get this inspiration to do all of these things that later, I know I won't do.

Quite often I get blog ideas or book ideas while working, that later I either think "Why would I even write about that?" or "That is a dumb idea".

Today I got this whole idea that I was going to start a mini garden at my house.

Other ideas include, but are not limited to:
- Reading more books
- Watching less TV
- Workout routines
- Cleaning
- Doing homework
- Random occupation ideas


Sometimes they aren't doing things, they are just ideas like:
- Thinking about the difference between theism and religion
- Thinking about why I don't like some people
- Think about who I do like
- Wondering what my life would be like if I was a guy
- Thinking about school
- Thinking about running
- Thinking about what would happen if I broke my leg


It's so hard to explain. I have these crazy ideas that I will never follow through with at work, but I think the whole time that I will follow through with them, but as soon as I go home, I do nothing.

It's kind of like how people get good ideas in the shower.

Library brain!

Do you ever get good ideas while you are doing a small task? Do you follow through with these ideas?

My Dream.. erm nightmare.

I have two other blog posts that I want to post (eventually), but I am posting this one first because it just happened.

I had a dream last night. It was really, really weird (like all of my dreams).

But the weirdest part of it, was what happened in real life...

Let me start with what happened in my dream:

I dreamt that I was trying to help this person with a personal problem. I couldn't figure out how to help her, and it wasn't a major problem or anything, it was just something small. Anyways, in my dream I decided to beat this person in the head with a really long-handled wrench. I cracked open her skull, and kept beating her until she was unconscious. In my dream I was taken away by these two random guys, who just sat me down (in what I think was a jail) but were talking in front of me, about how to punish me for beating this person. They kept calling it a "therapy punish" which was kind of weird to me. Anyways, I didn't know what was happening, and they took me to a hospital. Through a window at the hospital, they forced me to watch her surgery. At the time, I thought I had killed her, but I hadn't. I had to watch them sew together her head again, while she was laying on a hospital bed. I was completely absent of emotion during this whole thing. Anyways, they realized that I wasn't reacting to her, so they just had me sit and wait in this room for a few days, until she was wheeled in a wheelchair into my room. They told me I just had to talk to her. So I just started up a conversation, but she wouldn't respond. I kept talking and she was just staring at me, blankly, while sitting in this wheelchair. In my dream, I then realized I had caused her severe brain damage. In my dream I started breaking down crying and I felt bad. They then just took me away from her.

That's all I remember of my dream...

Although this is EXTREMELY CREEPY and COMPLETELY UNLIKE me... it isn't the weirdest part.

This morning when I woke up, I didn't remember the dream, but I had a little headache. I went to school, and everything was normal. I ran into my friend at her locker during my first period spare, and we were just talking, and then the person who the dream was about walked by, after she walked by I was just thinking to myself "Why do I feel bad?" and after I walked away from my friend, I remembered my dream. It wasn't even gradual, it just kind of popped into my memory again. I was actually really freaked out about it, because I was like "How can my subconscious be imagining these horrid things?". I was really concerned for my mental sanity, and then I realized the fact that I realized my dream was really messed up, proves the fact that I am sane.

Now I am asking myself why I am blogging this. I just think it is really weird. Somewhat entertaining I guess.

Thank goodness it wasn't real.

My Name

I talked about this a while ago, but I have a few updates.

I want to change my name. I don't exactly remember when I wanted to change my name, but it started at least 1 if not 2 years ago.

Why do I want to change it? Because I hate my current name. My last name is confusing, my first name is overly common, and my middle names connect me to my mother and grandmother.

But the thing is, there are still so many reasons I don't want to change it.
1. My mom would hate it.
2. It would be confusing for people who already know me.

But then again... shouldn't I be happy and not worry about others?

It's funny, I've talked about it to a few other people. I was even talking to one of my teachers about it. She said she liked my name.

But what I hate is when I tell people the name I do want, they kind of... not laugh, but are just like "Whyyyyy".

My current full name is Sarah Elizabeth Floria Sceviour.

It sounds kind of pretty, I guess.

The name I want to change my name to is Spencer Ireland Vesuvius.

I doubt I will ever legally change my name to that. Maybe I will. But if I ever become an author or anything, my pen name will likely be Spencer Ireland Vesuvius. I am not going to put my actual name in the book. Or at least not the cover of the book.

I don't know. I hate the name Sarah, but I just can't see myself being called anything else.

But yeah. There's a heads up, if you see a book with "Spencer Ireland Vesuvius" on the cover, you should probably buy it.

I've thought about changing my blog name to that name, just so others I know don't find this, but recently I've been weeding through old blog posts to gradually remove ones that I don't really want anyone to see, and I'm not sure why I posted them. Once I'm done this process I might actually link my blog to my twitter.

It's not that I really care if others read this blog, because of course I want more viewers. Even if someone I didn't like found something on here that I kind of didn't want them to, it wouldn't be bad. Sure, I write embarassing and personal things on my blog, such as me talking about changing my name, but honestly, if the whole school read my blog and made fun of me, sure it'll sting a little, but I'd rather the whole school read my blog than nobody at all. I don't thing it would affect me that much though.

You know, as I say, and as I am going to get tattooed on my arm:

"Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

What Family means to me

My family is really small. Sort of.

My dad passed away in 2007, and my parents split in 05' and I never really stayed in touch with that side of the family. I have a tonne of cousins, probably upwards of 20, and I only have 4 of them on facebook. Just 3 of them are my ageish, and 1 is just another cousin. My dad had 2 daughters from a previous marriage, my half sisters, who are 15 years older than me. We haven't seen each other since 2007, and we probably haven't talked since 2009, which was probably a facebook conversation. I am technically an aunt now, but will I ever see my niece? Nope.

But the thing is is whether or not I really care about this. I honestly don't care to make amends with any of those people on that side of the family. They don't make an effort to include me, and I don't care to let them into my life.

The problem with that is that there is one person on that side of the family who REALLY values family, my aunt. She keeps trying to stay in contact with everyone, including my father's first wife--- who doesn't talk to anyone else except her. I honestly don't want to keep in contact with her, but I am forced to, mostly because my mom is making me, but also she has my inheritance from my father until I am 21. I really really do not like her, let alone want to talk pleasantries with her. Honestly, I cried earlier because I don't want to talk to her, that is how bad I really hate my family.

Then there is my mom's side of the family. I didn't see them too much as a kid, and NOBODY on my mom's side is my age. From age 10-13 I was forced to see them all of the time, because we lived at my grandma's house, which is kind of a central location for my uncles, cousin, and ex-aunt to show up.

I honestly really do not like that side of the family either. I like my mom. I like my cousin. I like my grandma. End of list.

They all live in the same city as me, too.

Again, my mom forces me to stay a member of the family, by forcing me to things like birthday dinners and christmas. I honestly skipped 2 dinners last year, and the one was because my mom PISSED ME off, because she wouldn't let me take a shower between the gym and dinner. So naturally, I walked to a park, sat in the park for half an hour, and then walked home from the gym. Life.

I understand that I am probably coming off as a stereotypical teenager, which I guess is true, but it is so much more than that.

If I am going to be in this society, I am going to be honest with you and say that in society, family isn't as necessary as it has been in the past. Families are broken. Dead. Of course, naturally you have to have parents, and your parents have parents and siblings and blah blah blah, but I don't think you have to include your family in your life.

I feel like I am at an age where I can make these choices to not include my family in my life. I honestly do not trust some of them.

The only members of my family I honestly would feel confident inviting to something like a wedding of mine, is my mom, cousin, and grandmother.

End. Of. List.

I was trying to tell my mom this and she just kept telling me "how hurtful I am being" and how mean I am and I am "snubbing" everyone. Come on! This is my life, and I am independent.

My mom then asked me "What if I need something from someone" like what? As a kid when I did need things, I didn't get them. If I break my sink, I am going to hire a repair man, I don't want to have to have a "relationship" with a person I absolutely despise, just to get a free sink repair,  because they are capable. I'd rather spend money, and not waste my TIME.

If you really think about it, I am the smartest of them all. Time runs out, money you can earn more of. You don't actually know how much time you have in your life, but money is unknowing. Sure you can run out of money, but if you value money more than time, I am really unsure what you are doing. I don't want to waste my time having relationships with people I don't like.

The cost and benefits do NOT weigh out for me, and my mom just doesn't get it.

Now I am at a crossroads. My aunt, who is in charge of my inheritance until I am 21... I need money from my inheritance for university. Legally, people in her position can take up to 2.5% of my inheritance as sort of a "handling charge". She said she wouldn't do that. But she easily can. If I want my money before I am 21, and I want all of it, my mom has informed me that I have to talk to her. Why in hell. Oh my god. This should just be simple, it should just be easy, but I detest her. I do not want to talk to her. She never  did anything for me. Although ,she was the only person to try to include me in the family, it was always invites to religious events. No, I do not want to go to someone's baptism, wedding, funeral, easter, christmas, fuck it. I am not a christian.

She is enough to make me not celebrate christmas and easter, commercially. I am not a christian. I do not go to church.

Actually, that is another thought. Should I celebrate easter and christmas? I love christmas. I have been obsessed with it for years. But honestly, I don't even care anymore.

I sort of want to stop celebrating. It's fun when you have kids. When I go to university I probably won't celebrate anything. I'll accept easter cards and candy, but I won't send any out. I'll come home for christmas, and probably buy my mom something for christmas. But it really doesn't feel like anything anymore.

I honestly cannot stomach my life, with family.

I understand the value of family, but honestly... it doesn't help me. It doesn't help that I wasn't really raised with valuing family. Sure, I was raised around family, but I never really valued it that much.

Sure, I want a family in the future. By a family I mean a husband and kids. I have no reason to want to even be involved with HIS family, which makes finding a partner so much harder. But I don't need to worry about that right now.

I have no aspiration to keep up meaningless relationships with random people. I rely on myself, a lot. I don't rely on other people. I USE other people. But I do not rely on others.

That is it for my rant.

Homophobia or Opinion

First of all, allow me to clarify myself. I am not homophobic. I am not a gay rights activist. I believe that gay marriage should be legal, and members of the LGBTQ society should have as many full and equal rights as others who are not.

Homophobia, to my understanding and by my definition is the hatred of and/or fear of homosexual individuals.

Opinions, to my understanding and by my definition is the belief by an individual or group that can be based off of fact or can be based off of no fact.

Why am I defining all of these things? Because I think there are two types of people who don't believe in the legality of gay marriage.
1. Those who are homophobic.
2. Those who do not believe in "homosexuals".

Just because someone has the belief that all people should naturally be paired guy-to-girl, and that two members of the same sex cannot have a natural/normal relationship, does not make them homophobic. That is their belief, that is their opinion. Some religions do not believe in homosexuality, some people do not believe in homosexuality.

They have a right to their opinion and belief, just as I have a right to my belief that homosexuality is a natural/normal relationship.

But people can be homophobic and have their opinion/belief. For example, let's say Bobby-Jane believes homosexuality is a sin, okay, that's fine, that is their opinion, but if that person goes out of their way to spread hate, for example, spitting on homosexuals, or giving them dirty looks, that is homophobia.

Although a person can also be homophobic and not really have the belief/opinion. These are the people I am most worried about, because they are the people that will do the things like spit at homosexuals, or give them dirty looks, but they don't have a motive behind it, they just do it, just because. Kind of like how some people are just mean to other people, but don't have a reason behind it.

My point here, and the reason of my blog post, is because I was reading some comments/blogs by some members of the LGBTQ society and they were calling everybody who doesn't believe in homosexuality, homophobic. This is not true. Many are, not all are.

Some people simply believe it is wrong, and I don't blame them, since scientifically the purpose of life is to reproduce, yet some humans (and even some non-humans) have relations between the same sex, people just see the relationship as perhaps unnecessary or just "wrong" because that is their belief.

I personally believe society has over-romantisized everything and society itself is the purpose of life.

In my belief system, life has no meaning, I believe naturally, humans have no purpose of being on earth, but I think throughout our development and time on earth, we have created societies, and within these societies, is filled with a whole lot of... allow me to call it "bullshit" like love, affection, emotions, etc. I'm not saying emotions aren't natural, I just think that they have progressed so much with the creation of languages, and pop culture. Everything is about emotion. On twitter people are "sad", people state their emotion like a thing "I am happy" "I am excited" "I am feeling creative". In the past you didn't really do that. Now it's a thing.

What does this have to do with my blog post? I think that homosexuality has been romanticized. Sure, I believe that individuals can have physical/sexual and/or emotional connections to people of the same sex, I believe this can come naturally, yet as I stated earlier, it is also natural to reproduce. I think this is where the belief that homosexuality is a psychological disorder stemmed from. Which honestly, I think is a completely valid opinion/belief/argument. Where I believe this belief reaches homophobia, is when in the 1950's those ads about "stay away from homosexuals" came from.

Like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmqNiFJyI28

Overall, I'm just saying that even though a person doesn't necessarily believe in gay rights, doesn't make them homophobic. If that was true, then the fact that I am not jewish and don't believe in judaism would make me a nazi.

Blogging about Blogging

This is a blog about my blog. 
Hooray!  

So I was creeping through my blogger stats, and I found something I had never yet seen until today. I thought it was pretty hilarious. 

They are the top key words searched to find my blog.  

So here we go.  

10. I can't copy down the full search, but it was really random it was "site:blogspot.com intext:toning inte" 
9. "ralph waldo emerson tattoo" I had a blog post about Emerson and tattoos, so this makes sense. 
8. "nastyfuckingporn" I can't even. I don't even know what this has to do with my blog and why when  it was searched, some people found my blog. 
7. "is early but" I have no idea what this has to do with anything, either. 
6. "I am a anticonformist" ignoring the bad grammar, this makes sense because I have talked about  anti-conformity before.       
5. "existentialists contradict themselves" if I think back far enough, I know I have talked about existentialism. But I feel like this was probably back in one of my earlier blog posts. 
4. "and feel like I know" I'm not even sure what this means.  
3. It won't let me copy this link down, but it was a youtube link. I probably linked a youtube video to one of my blogs, so if somebody googled that youtube link, it led to my blog. I'd really like to know what video, but it won't let me click it.  
2. ""god" "fate" "what"" this was an actual search that found my blog. The second most. What? I understand I have probably said those, I just think that is a weird search.  
1. The most common thing was variations of "dadcanihavesomecrackerjacks" which makes sense. But the rest don't.  Oh well.

To those who found my blog by these searches, I am glad! I'm not sure how I feel about "nastyfuckingporn" because you know, my blog is so sexual (obviously using sarcasm here).  

Another thing I thought was interesting I thought I would share with my blog readers is this:   

I think this is pretty self-explanitory, but it is a map depicting where my blog viewers are. 

The darker the green, the more views from that country. It makes sense Canada is the darkest because my friends are all in Canada.   

I don't know anybody in any other country, pretty much. So I think it's interesting. 

My top 5 countries for views are:  
5. United Kingdom 
4. Germany 
3. Russia 
2. United States 
1. Canada  

I also have quite a few views from Ukraine, which I think is interesting. Hello Ukrainians :)   

My blog posts have individual view counts, and my top three most viewed posts are:  

3. "FITNESS :)" http://dadcanihavesomecrackerjacks.blogspot.ca/2012/01/fitness.html  

2. "I am an anticonformist about the social norms of raising children" http://dadcanihavesomecrackerjacks.blogspot.ca/2011/12/i-am-anticonformist-about-social-norms.html  

1. "The Gym" http://dadcanihavesomecrackerjacks.blogspot.ca/2012/04/gym.html  

I think it's interesting how my Gym/fitness posts were pretty popular. I do have a fitness blog, which is on the side bar on the right of this blog, for people interested in those posts!  

I am happy for this blog, and I hope to keep it running for a long time. I am going to be evolving it into something larger, towards the end of this year, which I am super excited for!  But it's a surprise. So. Yeah.  

I have a bunch of "non-responsive" viewers on my blogs (considering I rarely get comments). I'd really like to get to know you guys, feel free to comment away on my blogs!  

If you are quiet, and you have a question for me, no problem. I have an ask.fm, which means you can submit questions anonymously. If you want them answered in my blog, just mention it in your question, because I only just post my answers on ask.fm and twitter, usually. 

 Here's my ask.fm: http://ask.fm/SarahFloria  

The reason why I made this post is because I just surpassed a landmark # of views. I don't want to share actual view counts with my readers, but let's just say I passed a view count # in the thousands, and I am pretty excited/reminiscent about it. 

 Thank you for reading my blog! Be sure to subscribe to me if you want to read more!

Time is Passing- Like an old blog post

Wow. I am in my last semester of high school... ever. This feels crazy!

I'm looking at prom dresses and stressing about getting good grades because I want the best entrance scholarship.

It feels like just yesterday I was running around Winterlude with my friends.

Its been years since I've done things that feel like yesterday.

I have only really LOST 2 friends, but there are so many friends I rarely see or talk to anymore... it's crazy.

I just think of these little things that happened in grade 9 and 10 and remember thinking about how I would think about those things in the future... haha.

Here is a random selection of photos I found on my computer. I tried to put them in somewhat of a chronological order, but I know that a lot of the grade 9 +10 stuff is going to be mixed up. Also, I am not using names in here. I'll just use initials, just because I'm not sure what creeps are reading this ;)

2009

We got our Moira shirts while in destinations 

Grade 8 Graduation! (Gotta love my dress)

Early grade 9!

My 14th? Birthday/Halloween, in Grade 9! 

My Friend AP's birthday in Grade 9

Briefly after this, she became no longer friends with most of us, over a fight. I apologized later. 

This could be grade 10, but I am not sure. It was boxing day. KG got a new cellphone.

2010

Grade 9 Semi! GC was on crutches. I remember she just started becoming friends with us again after a fight. 

Kids Help Phone Walk (probably grade 9...)

Shopping at walmart. We're pretty cool. This might also be from grade 10, but I am pretty sure it's grade 9.

Justin Bieber concert!

Grade 10

This was just after grade 10 started. We all went mini golfing, and went out to dinner. GC I think was unable to come. This led to a fight. 

Shopping :)

Shopping!

Canada's wonderland in grade 10!

This was SL's birthday in the summer before grade 11 (I think..)

This right here is my birthday. I think it was grade 10. 

This is a crappy photo of LT and JF. They are my two guy friends. I am not sure what year this was. But it was LT's birthday.

2011/2012, mostly from Grade 11

This was a dance at Moira. It is from Grade 11. 

I'm not sure why LT is at my house, but she was. :)

I remember this was at my 16th birthday, in grade 11!

This was Semi in grade 11!

JH, AI and I during English class in Grade 11!

2012/2013, Grade 12

Cross country!

Anddd heres a photo of LT and I in history, last semester. Yolo.

You can kind of see how my friends filter in/out of these photos. It's crazy. I remember in my REALLY OLD blogs doing these friend blogs where I would talk about who my friend is now, who was my friend, and who wasn't my friend, and when.

So I'm going to talk about now.

Grade 12

I mainly have 3 best friends. SL, LT and LT. They've been my friends for a while.

I have 2 other good friends this year, JF and RG.

As stated, all except two of the people in the above photos have been my friends, and pretty much still are my friends... we just never talk. We got out of touch. But I still would hang out with them. We just don't.

I feel really immature talking about this stuff, it definitely reminds me of my blog posts from my old blog c. 2010.

It's funny, those old fights were over really stupid things. I am not sure why we faught so much. We just clashed in really weird ways I guess. I feel like I was sort of at the centre, or at least a part of every single fight. Now I look back, and I only really lost 2 friends out of the whole thing. I don't not like those people now, but I don't care to be their friends again.

I haven't thought about this stuff in FOREVER. It's crazy!

I'm just reminiscing, that's all.

Honestly, everyone in grade 9/10 is completely different now. LIKE COMPLETELY. We've all done other things in life and grown around other people who have made us all different.

I want to say that I have changed, but then I think no I haven't, but then again, I think, actually I have.

At first I was thinking out of the group, I've probably changed the least. But I feel like I have actually changed a lot. I feel like I have learned a lot more, I act slightly differently. I look different. I do different things. Everything is just... different. I honestly feel like I am so different from grade 9 me that we are completely different people. I feel like if I met her, it's not that I wouldn't like her, but I probably wouldn't be friends with her.

Whatever.

This blog post is quite lengthy. I shall end it with photos of pretty prom dresses I was looking at online, which inspired this post.

The black and the brown ones are my favourite. Actually, they're in order from my 1st-6th favourite. Trust me, I looked at a lot of dresses. I'm in a girly mood. That's also probably why I did this blog post.

Grad is scary. I don't want to go there, let's just skip over that part.

International Women's Day + Ignorance

International Women's Day was a few days ago, so I've been thinking a bit about feminism, the day itself, along with ignorance.

On the actual day I posted these two memes on twitter

After I was like, okay this seems kind of ignorant. 

I really, really, really, really find extremist feminism completely unnecessary in Canada. Feminists in general just annoy me, because I believe that the perfect feminist isn't a feminist, they are an equalitarian. This means focusing on creating equality between men and women, rather than only focusing on the mistreatment of women in society.

But I myself, am also not an equalitarian. I just think it is a better way of looking at things.

I would use the argument against International Women's Day by saying "Where's International Men's Day?" but I am not a men's rights activist either. 

I just think in THIS society, we should accept the fact that no matter how hard feminists, equalitarians, and MRAs try, equality is just not going to happen. It is next to impossible, without dangerous means of extinguishing inequalities, by "taking out" people who are misogynist or a "man-hater". Yes, some women may not have the same rate of pay as another man, yes some men might find it harder to gain custody of their children after a divorce, but do you know what? Is it really that hard to just simply accept the fact that although this may be deemed as "morally wrong" that it is EXTREMELY hard, if not impossible to get equality?

Now I am talking about this mostly in Canada and other privileged countries similar to us. Other countries that aren't as "developed" still have clear issues, where I think feminists should spend most of their time in protesting/complaining about. Places where women are being whipped, beaten, can't show their faces, etc. I really don't know much about this, but I know enough to know that it does exist.

It is impossible to have equality, anyways. Men can never give birth, no matter what. Women will always be the one who gets pregnant. Men will always be physically stronger and women will be physically weaker. This is a scientific fact. I am tired of people trying to overrule natural law with "morals". I workout at the gym, but pretty much every guy can lift more weight than me. Its a physiological FACT. A man may want a child, but he can't give birth, he has to adopt or hire a surrogate, or get married. A women can get a sperm treatment and have the child them self. Psychologically, women are proven to be more sympathetic and kind while men are more authoritative. This is just the way we are. We keep trying to throw out natural law and replace it with some moral bullshit.

I just think in my time in Canada, that I have never been discriminated against for being female, yet I have seen many men around me being discriminated against. Again, I'm not even a men's rights activist, I'm just saying that I think the equality scales are being tipped back and forth between both of the sexes, now. 

I guess I do know some women who have been mistreated by men, but it wasn't for being a woman. It wasn't because they had a vagina. It was because they are a human getting into a fight with another human that happens to be male. 

I know that in the past in Canada, things were different. In history we learned about how men went to war in WWI and II, and how women held down the factories and such and worked while they were gone. We learned that they went back to the home once men returned. We learned that women didn't earn as much.

But this is a HUGE ENORMOUS generalization. Sure, is it true? Probably. But wanna hear a new story?

My Grandmother.

Born: 1917
Where: Quebec

She went to school, got an education. She missed out on an excellent scholarship--- not by a man, but another woman. 

During the great depression: During the beginning she used to go to the store to buy things like bread and butter, which the family wasn't necessarily rich, but they were financially smart. She would run to the store and buy these things on her way to/from school.

I learned that it was next to impossible to buy things during the great depression, because they were sold out- she had no problem.

Towards the end of the great depression, she got a job at bank or insurance company (I forget what), doing simple desk work that is very menial.... WHILE SOMEBODY WENT ON MATERNITY LEAVE, yes, women did work back then.

But when the woman came back, my Grandmother wasn't fired, her MALE boss, liked her work ethics and promoted her to a higher position than the woman who came back!

She got engaged and her fiancee went away to war. He never returned, he married another woman in the UK. 

Eventually she met my grandfather, whom she didn't like at first because he was coming off as a flirt, but eventually gave in and went on a date with him. She fell in love and married him (in the late 40's maybe?), had three children, and he passed away in 1994.

She is still alive, and legally blind. She lives on her own in a house, and although she does get assistance from her three children, she spends most of her time alone at home with her cat. 

Never ONCE has she identified herself as a feminist, and yet she broke many stereotypes of women from the 20th century. 

The only thing that is stereotypical is the fact that she quit her job when she had her first child. Although she did tell me "That was just something women did" she said that she probably willingly would have anyways, especially since her husband was a banker, and earned enough money to support both of them. 

You don't need to be a feminist to act "morally" as you can see from this story. 

She never talked about being mistreated by men. 

I'm not being ignorant to the fact that other women went through different things, I am just telling the story that NEVER gets told- the story of women from the 20th century that held rights, had opportunities, a job, and an education. 

I hope you aren't ignorant to the fact that many women are and have been privileged throughout western society.

If you have any thoughts, comment below. 

I don't write sad

In writer's craft, I frequently write comical stories. Sometimes I write psychologically disturbing stories, but usually they are funny.

Today my teacher said to me "Sarah. You know, one of these days I'm going to force you to write a sad story" then she went on to say that although she's joking, that she wants to get me to write something sad and depressing to "evoke those emotions". I said "Okay whatever you say" and she replied "I want to see your dark side" and I answered "Haha you don't want to see my dark side". We were kind of joking around with each other while we were saying this, but she really did say she wants to see me write something sad.

My initial reaction was thinking that I write sad things all the time. But then I started really thinking. I thought maybe my blog was kind of sad, but I don't think my blog isn't necessarily sad. It's intense and serious at times, but it really isn't "sad".

I get sad a lot, I cry. But it really isn't the same.

She wants me to write something sad. I am actually going to challenge myself to do this.

Because honestly, I am sitting right here thinking "What is sad?". I then automatically think of like a serial killer, killing puppies. Which really, that has no content or really anything to do with anything. I know this isn't what she meant either.

I think what she was trying to get at is that I hide behind comedy through my writing, and she wants to see the pain come out. She told me she loves my comedic writing, but she does want to see something different.

I guess something more "sad" would be sort of relating my past as a kid to now and using that as inspiration to write stories. I did write one sad thing in writers craft, but I hated it, so I scrapped it and started again. It wasn't even "sad", it was just sort of discomforting, similar to in Marley & Me when *Spoiler Alert* the dog dies.

I don't know.

I know in psychology, it is a common belief that many people use humour to cope with situations. I think my teacher recognizes this. She knows about my past as a kid, and the situation with my father, so I think she just wants me to use this as inspiration.

Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe I am using humour to cope with the actual situation.

The more I think about this, the more I think it is true. Quite often I joke around friends... almost excessively, and quite often when I feel sad, the only thing that gets me through it, is watching comedy shows.

Well thank-you writer's craft teacher for helping me realize this (that was sarcasm).


Has anybody ever told you to do something the opposite of something you're good at? Or has anybody ever specifically told you to improve an aspect of your writing, to be something you find hard to write about? Comment below!