Life is wonderful if you allow it to be. - Me.

I am sooo fucking hyped uppp... like FUCCKK.

 I have been all day.

 I didn't run 10KM because MY PHONE DIED! So I have no idea how far I ran. I tried using Google maps later to figure it out... so I ran about 7KM... but its not accurate. So like 7k ish. I am going to try again tomorrow if I am not that tired. BTW I am not ignoring my other blog, I just don't want to blog on it yet about running too much. I am waiting until I fully run 10km. Which my first try I ran 9.1km because I sort of ran out of timeish... and I was right near goodlife and I wasn't going to run around again. And today my phone died. Tomorrow I will try...

 ANYWAYS! I am going to try to get into Zeitgeist! I think its likely I will get accepted into it, but there is a chance I won't. So... cross your fingers please! They are judging the art Saturday. From 3-4 you can pick up your art/ get a critic to talk to you. But I have work... I am going to see if work will let me split my lunch so I can eat for half an hour earlier in the day, and then go to that for half an hour or something. They might not. But my boss likes me... right? Hopefully. I'm submitting my Bird Cage prints (if you were in grade 9 art with me you might remember) and something else. I am either submitting a photo I took of some geese a few years ago, my self portrait from this year or my print of a baby from grade 10. I actually am so psyched.

 PLUS I AM LIKE 95% SURE I AM GOING TO SPAIN! FUCK YES! My mom said "Yeah. I guess you can go... if you pay." So I am paying the full amount. ITs $2,700. Shit. I can definately afford it though. Because of the $120 I've been saving. The leftover money (because I will have like $3100 ish by then) I will either use as spending money.. OR I will just keep saving for that summer, because I want to go to NYC or California. Probably NYC because it is closer. Life is coming together amazingly!

 Plus it helps that I have accepted another thing about myself I never have seem to before. Great great great.

 Life is wonderful if you allow it to be.

Creativity

Whoa. The blog like... format is different now. Anyways, that is besides my point. I am here to talk about Creativity. Damn straight. I have always sort of liked things like Art, Clothing, Music, Movies, and other creative things like stories and poems. I have never been really good at creating any of those things. I am just not... artistic. I cannot like physically make a really good piece of art. But I am creative. I have the creative things in my mind. Like, I can easily write a song or something, but can I sing it or put music to it? No. I can imagine PERFECTLY what I want a piece of artwork to look like.. but can I produce that piece of art? No. I can choreograph a really good dance... can I do it physically? No. Its so annoying. But I do these things anyways. Just because I am not good at singing or not good at art doesn't mean I am never going to sing and never going to paint. I like it anyways. I know I am not a good singer, but I frequently like to sing at home. I take art class. I can't act worth a shit, but I still like certain aspects of acting and such. I know the more you practice, the more you get better. But thats the thing with Arts and Sports, well most arts and most sports. Not only do you have to like what oyu are doing, you have to be naturally good at it because if you are not it is really hard to improve. I know my art is definitely improving, especially since grade 9. I was looking at some of my old art and am just kind of like... okay da fuck? I have also been beginning to sort of establish my own method, my own personal style in art. Some people just paint things, and make things and they don't know what they mean. Well thats not art then. I put literally every last piece of me into a piece of art. Each colour and each design in my art is a symbol. I am really big into symbolism. I put it everywhere. In my art, in my stories, in my blog. Wink. Everywhere. I also know that I am not one for definite lines. I like it smoother. I don't like hard lines in my pictures. I like it flowy, but not too flowy, but not perfectly structured. I like HARMONY in the picture. (Haha art termssss that I learned in grade 9/10. THANK GOD NOT AGAIN THIS YEAR) But I just like art. I need to start sewing again before I forget everything! I need to go to Fabricland! Ahh! I might make something for my mom for mothers day. I am not sure what. I don't really want to make her clothes... but I could make her a shirt or something... I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll go to fabricland... oh shit. Running out of time! I want to go sometime she's working and bike up or something. This week is no good because I don't have enough money. And next week I work more hours. Wow. I will definately be leaving it to the lastttt minute. My mom works 12-8 on Mondays. I'll probably go the 7th of May. The 9th I have drivers ed. Kasi's birthday is the 13th. I don't know if I am going. The dance is the 11th! OMG THATS SOO SOON. Okay. I need to figure this out financially too. I still owe my mom money. Lolz. Okay goodbye.

No Regrets.

I want to have no regrets.

I have been thinking lately, about everything I regret doing... rather, NOT doing in high school. Its passing by so fucking fast.

I regret not doing soooo many things in Grade 9/10. But this year, and next year, I will try my hardest to do them.

I've been moping around a bit about NOT doing things in grade 9 and 10, but the truth is--- the past is the past. I can't change that. So no matter how much I mope around about it, it won't change.

I'm going to take a chance. or 100. This year and next year. I have sooo many things to look forward to as of late.

I just need to take more opportunities. What is the worst that can happen? I've been living in fear for too long. Not much bad can come from trying to be a better me.

In Grade 9, I was sort of quiet. I just wanted to stay out of things. I guess grade 9 was the year of "hanging out" and continuous extreme innocence. I kept to myself. Didn't try too hard in my classes. Chilled with friends a lot. Got a job. Started volunteering at KHP. I became concerned about my body.

In Grade 10, I joined and started nothing new. This was a year of self-discovery though, unlike grade 9. Peer tutoring actually changed me so much. I kind of regret taking Triology in Grade 10, but it happened for a reason, because I got to take family studies this year. In grade 10 a lot of change in friends happened, considering Kasi and Gytha moved away and switched to centennial. More of my independance developed here. In grade 9 I would practically cry when my friends were all away from school. Peer tutoring helped me with this.

So far in Grade 11, I have gotten my G1, got a second job, joined the gym, joined GSA. Its a pretty good year. But its not good enough. Not yet. I need to do one more thing before its over. I THINK I know what it is. But it may not happen, so I will not say what it is. In grade 11 I have become completely independent. This is my risk-taking year. I took fashion risks, social risks, physical risks. So many risks. I haven't died yet. Sounds good. Its also the year of rebelling. I have rebeled from my mom a lot. I have cleansed my life this year. This is get serious time for me. I have established more of my person. Family studies really changed me, too. I feel I have gained so much knowledge.

Grade 12--- will be unspeakable. I swear--- something amazing will happen here. Maybe it will be the year of ACTUALLY GETTING A GODDAM FUCKING BOYFRIEND. Or the year of athleticism. Or the year of academics. Year of arts? Who knows. But whatever it will be- it will be fucking amazing.

I just don't want to regret doing ANYTHING ever again in highschool. But its more like what I haven't done.

I need to do more.

This summer I am planning on taking so many risks and doing so many things. Mostly athletic-wise. But still. I am going to socialize myself into myself. That would make sense if you took triology. Or sarahology..

Maybe someday I will speak the truth---

Life Advice- Seize the day

Please Play Again

I'm trippin' out, yo.

Haha. I'm pretty lame.

Anyways. The other day I saw another photo of myself and was like DA FREAKING FUCK!? THAT WAS ME!?!?! LIKE, wut.

This is the photo:



Asdfkjahsfkjhasdfjkasdf.

Just like. My nails are black. That purple shirt I LOVED for some reason. I wore layered shirts like that ALL The time. My hair was shorter.

God.

The other day I was thinking that I wished I started sports and such at Moira in grade 9, and then I see this picture and remember my mindset.. back THEN.

God. God. God. JK, I finally have a legitimate brain thoughts for not being Christian.

Have I metioned how sexy Ed Helms is? I either haven't at all, or have literally asked the same question in my last 5 blogs. Lemme look.

Sigh.

I haven't really mentioned it. But. Ed Helms is a sexy beast. Therefore, I shall marry him.

YAWWNNNN.

Rack city bitch rack rack city bitch.

So. No.

Bye

Weirdo me back from the army. Don't know why this is the title.

Do you ever just have those moments when you see a picture of yourself and don't even recognize its you at first?

I do. Its not even a depressing thing, but sometimes when I am looking through my Facebook photos or my iPhoto the occasional photo will come up and for a really tiny piece of time.. like less then a second I am like "Who is that?". I just did that to this photo:



Its not even like its that old of a photo, its from grade 9.

But I almost always think about how much life has changed. Especially today and yesterday. I was talking to someone about my friends yesterday, because the person was asking me about "things" and was like "What about friends? I notice you only seem to have a few close friends." I was like, "I have 3 close friends". But I actually didn't think correctly, I have 4 close friends. By "close" I mean, I can hold a conversation with them and I actually like them as human beings.

But having friends is something I have lacked in since I have come to Belleville. I just can't make friends. In Primary school I was just friends with everyone--- even though I was sort of an outcast like I sort of am now. But I was able to talk to many people.

Here, its different. I am in highschool, I can't just start tackling the guys and playing house with everyone and pretending to go on quests with others. I have to communicate with people. Because conversations are my expertise and all.

Jk I suck at conversations. I really do. Obviously. But I butt in at the wrong time, can't talk at the right time, at awkward pauses I have nothing to say, I just frequently cause the awkward pauses. I am not specific in my answers and I don't like talking so I am kind of cold to people.

But you want to know how I can deal with not having many close friends.. or many friends even? I accept it. I just accept it. I'm fine with it. I am already independent as it is and I am fine that way. Of course, I can't live without human interaction, but I am just saying, I can be just as happy being by myself as being with friends.

But yeah, as I was saying, things just change. I am so different. I realized every year of highschool I would be like... I am so smart, I've gained so much knowledge (Not even like learning, just like life lessons) and then the next year that would be beat as well. I just can't stop learning and changing. When you learn, you change.

I always talk about this though. I guess it just fascinates me how people change and how society changes. It just seems almost unbelievable to me-- the past.

I just think, that is who I WAS not who I am now. Its not like I am ever ashamed of who I was, sometimes I just can't believe it was me. It seems almost like different "me"s in time are like completely different people, although I know thats wrong.

I don't know. I am just in, in-depth thinking mode.

Life Advice: Im a weirdnut.

I am in ____

Oh, Hey there! I didn't see you.

HEY I JUST STALKED YOU
AND THIS IS CRAZY
I FOUND YOUR NUMBER.

Lauren.

Jk. Sorry. My mind is currently like "Oh my god oh my god lets talk about this, no THIS NOOOO THIISSSS fuuuudgeee".

Okay, not the fudge part. But here. I know what I'll do.

NO I DON'T.

I so just feel like making a list of people I'd "do" like Jenna Marbles did. But then. No.

Spying.

Nope.

I don't know if I talked about the thing I want to talk about... let me see in my old posts...NO. I Didn't! But now I don't know if I want to talk about it hehee.

YOLO. Jk. Yolo is kind of a cool saying except for two things:
1) You don't only live once
2) Its not to be used as an excuse to get drunk and fuck dudes.

Fuck it.

I am in love.

IN love.

Like. IN.

Oh, I see. I started this blog and didn't publish it before.

Anyways. So. Yeah. So after I tell you this, you think, well, who with? Well. Someone who I will literally never be with. Why? Well, that I shall not tell you for more then 1 reason. Let me count the reasons.
|||||
How many lines is that? Like 5 or 6? Yeah. Okay.

So anyways. Why do I think I am in love? Well. I have sort of thought it since... April/May... LAST YEAR. But I didn't come to terms with it until about a month ago when... I noticed how I get the most insane butterflies and the most amazing feeling when I even SEE this person. I have felt this sort of with others. But I have felt this for a legit year.

There are other things too I have read. I have read things that say if it lasts over 3 or 4 months, its not a crush.

No, this person is not a celebrity. They are a legit person.

You know them too. If you were to write down a list of 10 people that you think it is--- they would most likely be on that list.

But I am way to scared to even tell anyone who it is.

So I am just blogging to get it off my chest.

Its not like I am going to hold onto this forever though. I know its not going to happen. If I took a chance... haha, right. If I took a chance I might just ruin my life.

So obviously I am going to eventually forget about him.. right?

Maybe.

Oh well.

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I JUST GET THIS ONE THING.

Awkward.

Toodaloo.

;)

Tour of Lyndhurst + My Day.

THIS IS A TOUR. OF LYNDHURST. AND TODAY.
OH MY GOD. TODAY WAS SUCH A WHIRLWIND.

So, as you may have seen on my twitter or if I told you, I went to Kingston today. I thought of texting Gytha/Kasi but I wasn't going to be there long. So I drove most of the way to kingston and my mom and I went to the mall.

This was a really happy time, obvi. But I shopped at H&M and found SOO many clothes. I fell in love with like 6 things. But I didn't want to spend that much money. So I just picked 2 things. Here they are:



(Top part of dress)



(Bottom part of dress+ CHECK OUT MY DAMMM LEEEGGGGSS )



(and this shirt)

But when I went to pay for them... my damned debit wasn't working. It turns out that I was ALMOST in debt on my debit, because I misjudged the date of the withdraws I have out of my account to my "vacation" fund.

So my mom paid for them. So now I owe her :P.

Anyways, after there, I was bummed out because I was basically broke. We ate subway and left, basically.

Then we went to michaels because my mom wanted to get some fake flowers to put out at the cemetary where my dad is, so she did that while I sat in the car.

Then I drove to Ganonoque (however its spelt) to go to the cemetary.

After we were done there. I randomly said "Lets go to lyndhurst".

No idea why, I just said that.

So then we decided to go to Lyndhurst. If you don't know, Lyndhurst is my hometown. I haven't been there since... about July 2009. So almost 3 years.

So I drove to Lyndhurst. On the way I would recognize the occasional building. (Holy fuck on the way there, there are a LOT of Turtle crossing signs).

Then I reached here.



Freaking Lyndhurst sign. When I saw this I just about flipped.

But before going through the village we decided to drive by the house first.

I was like OMG OMG OMG OMG when I was getting closer. Then I saw it.





Looked like the way we left it. NOT. Theres like a random shed thing made of wood near the front of the driveway, play equipment in the backyard, the fence was torn down, the gardens weren't tended to.. annnd the most important thing.

It has a fucking "FOR SALE" sign on it. It is up for sale again. So I was like OMG WHAT!? This means that the listing is ONLINE. (I will talk more about this later)

Anyways, after driving by the house 3 times... I drove to the end of the road, which is where my Grade 3 teacher (also my mom babysat for her)'s house. I was going to turn around in her driveway, but then I saw her (or her husband) in the car backing out, so I freaked out and continued driving and turned around after she left. Nope, I was too scared to see her again! Haven't seen her since I was... 10?...

Anyways. I drove to the village.


First thing I see is this:



Lyndhurst bridge <3. It is the oldest remaining bridge in Ontario. Figures. Its only a 1-way bridge. Everybody else got a bigger bridge. But now its like the only method of attracting tourists (besides the TURKEY FAIR which is AMAZING).

Heres the bridge, a better view.



Anyways. I drive through the village. I see the Post. It has some AMAZING pizza. I got my first icecream cone from there. Heres a pic:



Then I drive a little further closer to the Library. Lets compare the size of the Library in Lyndhurst to the one in belleville, now.



(Ps, lauren if you are reading this, check out the street name.)

Okay. Almost accross the road from the Library is the Groceteria.



I go in there and get some candy. Theres a special story about this candy. My dad would sometimes go to the groceteria after work and buy me some and surprise me when he came home after work :).



Contents:



Okay. It was yummy.

Then I turn around and see this. I found it really funny. Because the population of Lyndhurst is practically 0 (I actually don't know the pop) But they have these flags like most cities. LAWLZ.




Anyways. Theres one place that I didn't really care to go-- but it was the only other thing open (everything is basically closed anyways). Its this store, its accross from the Post.



I didn't really want to go in, but I did, because my mom said there are "Lyndhurst t-shirts" there sometimes. I kind of wanted one. So I gave in, and went in. The store usually sells little native gifts and such, along with the obvious: fishing and hunting supplies, and bait.

So I looked around and I saw this:




Which is kind of hard to tell what it is. But its a pendant that says "Lyndhurst ontario Canada" and has a picture of the bridge on it. It was like $1.95. so I decided to get it.

Anyways. Before I bought it, the most amazing thing happened.

I was walking around and suddenly I hear "Sarah!?" and I look, and there is a girl staring at me. At first I didn't recognize her, then I realized. IT WAS CHARLIE! If you are close to me, you know that Charlie is my childhood friend, my first friend, actually, i from KINDERGARTEN :) She was there for her Co-op.

It was somewhat awkward talking to her, but I was SOO HAPPY to see her. I hadn't seen her since... 2008. Omgomgomg. I was freaking out.

Anyways here she and I are :)



We talked for maybe 5 minutes. Then my mom realized it was 3pm, and we had to drive all the way from Lyndhurst back to Belleville.

So obviously (if you read my tweets) I didn't get to go to the gym in kingston. :(

But I still went in Belleville, later.

OMG though. It was such a weird day. But amazing :)

Still psyched up.

OH yeah. About my old house being up for sale, here is the link for the tour so you can see inside it (what it looks like now). MY ROOM IS THE ONE THAT IS PINK AND LIME GREEN WITH THE JB POSTER ON THE CLOSET DOOR. It used to be yellow. withbears... and a carpet.

The entire house looks 10x nicer then when I lived there. All of the flooring in the living room and hallway nad bedrooms was carpet. There is new kitchen and dining room flooring, the walls are repainted. of course the furniture is all different. the only thing the same is the basement. Here:

http://www.myvisuallistings.com/fsvt/70857



Also, I am going to make a SECOND BLOG. I decided to keep my regular blog, and my random Fitness blogs, SEPARATE. I will put the link belowwwwww here :

http://beingastrongerme.blogspot.ca/


Life Advice: DO ITTT.

The Gym.

(And why it is so intimidating)

I have talked a LOT about working out on my blog, but never really much about the gym. As in, what to expect, and such. I think this could be interesting.

Obviously, I will mostly be talking about Goodlife, but I think this can apply to all gyms.

First off. At Goodlife, there is a Womens section with Cardio + weight stuff. Its somewhat small, but its enough. It is upstairs. Also upstairs is the spin class room and the general weight area, for men and women. I have never been out there because yes-- it is intimidating. I want to try this one pull-up machine. Apparently you can do something to it so you aren't doing your full weight in pull ups, so its easier. I dunno. Downstairs is the most of the cardio machines and some other weight things.

When I go to goodlife, I am in the Women's section... 65% of the time. Sometimes I go downstairs to the general Cardio area (mostly because it has my favourite treadmill which is not in the women's section).

Here is what I think of the "Women's Section". I am more comfortable in here to be... weaker, compared to men. But honestly, I feel that you are judged a lot more by the women then the men. When you are working out around men they don't really "judge" you. But around women everybody is looking at everybody, which can be intimidating. I prefer doing cardio in the mens/womens cardio area. But my pilates and weights, I like doing in the womens section.

People at the Gym:
There are all types of people at the gym. There are buff people, overweight people, skinny people, bitchy people, nice people, quiet, young, old, nerdy, experienced and inexperienced. All people. So there is no way in hell you could ever feel like you don't "belong".

I guess if I were to stereotype myself I would be the quiet one who thinks she knows everything. I just carry myself throughout the place like I know everything. Which I don't. But yet, I still do.

You begin to recognize faces and such at the gym. There are these 3 girls that I almost ALWAYS see. If there is a day I don't see at least 1 of them I am in shock. The one girl goes there for like.. at least 3 hours though, and she is always there. There is another girl that goes there for about 1.5 hours, but yet I always seem to see her. Whether I am there at 11am or at 10pm, I have seen her there. Its not like she is a student, its just coincidental.

I can't say there are people there I DON'T like. There are a couple of girls that seem like real bitches, but I have never talked to them, so I don't know.

There is one really funny guy at the gym though. Why is he funny? He comes in with a black wife beater, blue jeans and a coffee and then goes straight to the bikes. Why do I find him funny? 1. He's wearing jeans at the gym. 2. He is drinking coffee. Coffee dehydrates you. He is working out. This is extremely unhealthy.

Sigh.

Anyways. I am actually really surprised how fast I am getting results. I had a meeting with my "personal trainer" (which everyone gets one assigned, just to keep track of your progress, even if you are not being "trained" which I chose not to pay to have). And she asked me what I wanted to achieve and a time limit. I told her. and then I told her by the end of April. She was certain I would have them achieved before april, and I doubted her. But I actually achieved them. So BAM :).

Anyways. I find that the busiest time to be at the gym is about 6-8pm. The least busy is around 1-3pm on a Sunday or after 9:30 during weekdays.

But in general, the people there are really nice.

The only things I haven't done yet is gone to any classes or to the general weight area on the 2nd floor. Those would be things I'd rather not do alone.

I have only seen 3 people from school there before. One person who graduated that was in Triology with me. And one teacher.

Why is the gym so intimidating? Its obvious. People staring at you, judging you. But the only way to conquer this fear is to do it! You don't have to wear anything revealing. Wear black. Just blend in. You don't have to do anything too crazy. Get a personal trainer and they can make you feel a lot more comfortable and welcome. Also, its intimidating because you get there and see all of these machines and are like OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS!? So many buttons and shit you get confused. I think the most embarassing thing that I did (Besides having my protein smoothie explode on me once) was trying to figure out the stepper thing. Not the stair stepper, but this other thing. I was REALLY bad at it. But who cares? You get into a routine eventually.

Although, my routine is new almost every week. I can't stick to the same things over and over again. It just gets boring. Plus if you are doing the same things, you are working the same parts of your body.

Right now I do this:
30-45 minutes on the treadmill.
10-20 minutes either on the rowing machine or this eliptical thing

10 minutes of legs
15 minutes of arms
25 minutes of abs

But I will change up the exersizes I do on my legs arms and abs.

Oh, and if you are just getting started at the gym and you are wondering what to wear. Pretty much anything. Girls tend to wear Yoga pants or yoga capris with a tank top shirt or a t-shirt. But lots of girls wear sweaters and sweatpants and sports bras by themself. I like to wear yoga capris, shorts, spandex, t-shirts and tank tops. I FINALLY got a good pair of shoes. I want to get another pair specifically for running. MARATHON TRAINING :)


Oh, speaking of MARATHON TRAINING.
I am so pumped to start running on land. I haven't since Februaryy. I went jogging a LOT November-February. Which makes absolutely no sense because it is winter. But I jogged before I joined the gym. I randomly started in November. So suck on it. I just want to get out there and run. I just don't know when, because I like to go to the gym to workout now. I'd run to the gym, but I'd prefer biking. Tomorrow I might run on land. Just because its easter and I am doing homework so I don't have time to actually GO TO the gym. So I might just run a bit.

ALSO. Today at the Gym I ran 3.6 miles on the treadmill without stopping. So I am pretty proud. I have got my legs to run the RIGHT way, and I don't breathe like a freaking dog now. But it is boring. Which is why I want to get off of the treadmill! Before I run a marathon I want to run a half-marathon or something, just to have the experience of what its actually like, before I run a full one.

Also, I have calluses on my hands from the freaking rowing machine and weights. I want to get training gloves but I can't find any my size! I actually hate the rowing machine, but I started using it again, just because its basically cardio for my arms. I mean, it works your ab, butt and back muscles as well, but I don't feel it there. My arms are so weak. I can't get any progress as of late.

ALTHOUGH. This one Arm machine that I only used at the very beginining when I joined the gym I did at 30lbs. Today I did it at 52.5lbs. So I am also happy about this.

I am not bragging, but I could be a fucking personal trainer. I can figure out peoples bodies so easy and know exactly what they should do. Like if I went around with you on each machine I could help you figure out what is and isn't meant for you. And then fucking pilates I could kill you with!

I think the next thing I will really focus on is balance. I am getting better at this. I can do this now: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_476/1265437776873KD1.jpg

without falling over. Which is pretty awesome.

But I will focus on balance. My core is pretty good, so you'd think I'd be good at balancing. But nooooo.

Well. Enough is enough. I am amazing. So. Fuck yea, And. I'm modest now. You are pretty.

Life Advice: The amount of times I say "JUST DO IT" to myself at the gym is somewhat ironic.
Just do it.

braaggging.

So. I don't want to go to bed and I am on my computer... so you know what that means... BLOG TIME.

I usually blog either when
a) I have something to say
b) I am extremely bored and don't want to go to sleep.

OH MY GOD. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. I FLIRTED. WITH A LEGITIMATE MAN. AND IT WENT WELL. IT WASN'T EMBARASSING. OH MY GOD. I am way too proud of myself. But I was at work and there was this guy and we just started talking and yeeaah. I see him a lot at the Cafe/Library as of late. I don't know his name. I think he might be a few years older then me. He looks like he could be in college. But he is OKAY looks wise. He looks kind of like Seth Meyers except a lot younger and less tanned. Lol its not going anywhere.

I am just overly proud of me flirting with a human being without embarrassing myself.

Wow. My love life is slightly sad.

No. My favourite thing about life is how everybody who doesn't know me too well, and even some people close in my life don't really know the more legitimate side of me. I'd blog about it but I feel like it would be the most amazing grounds to make fun of me because I can't think of blogging about it to make it sound not corny, sad or stupid.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU DO THAT RIGHT THURR. RIGHT THURR.

My butt feels weirdly more muscular now and I am not trying. I like my butt. Butt (haha) but, it feels stronger. I don't know how to feel about this. Urgh. HOW?! Oh wellllll. Its so hard to get abs. It really is. I don't think I ever will, just because to have really nice legit abs you have to train REALLY hard and control your eating PERFECTLY. Uh. No thanks. My arms are so weak. My legs are super strong. My abs are slightly above average. My back and butt are probably average. I am talking about strength wise, btw. My legs are so tank though. I don't understand. Well, actually I do. But still.

I usually use 10lb-15lb freeweights for my arms. Most people do about 15lbs. I can only do 15lbs for my triceps. Actually now I do 18lbs for my triceps. They seem to be the only thing that will actually do anything in my arms.

For my abs/back/core/butt I just do pilates and don't use weights.

But this one leg machine I do 215 and 235lbs on it. (this machine http://promaximamfg.com/files/CTN00000/787b.jpg )

I like to brag.. so yeah. I am pretty impressed with myself. The average person does about 60lbs on it.

I do 100lbs on the hip abductors. Theres one that is for your outer hips and your inner thighs. I started off at 80lbs on those machines.

I love working out.. okay?!?! :D

I can't wait for this 4 day weekend. I am going to go for maybe 3 hours. I want to do my muscles for longer now. Because I feel like I run out of time. I want to do 1 hour of abs in a row this weekend. Its crazy, but I want to so bad. I think I will do that tomorrow so that way my abs are sore the rest of the weekend so it is harder to do abs the other days, which helps me build muscle, somewhat (it makes sense... okay!).

I just figured out something else to do.. so bye.

Life Advice: Brag about yourself.

Child

Who am I?

I am someone who will not be let down by the things eating away at her.

I am someone who will stand up for things I believe in.

I am someone who likes weird ideas and things, such as communism, anarchy, tarot and ASMR videos.

I am someone who is willing to cheat on their loved one--- and vice versa.

I am someone who doesn't always speak their mind, but always will stay true.

I am someone who doesn't rely on human interaction for my entire life.

I am someone who is determined.

I am someone who is willing to be with anyone, of any age.

I am someone who accepts anyone as they are.

I am someone who likes to get good grades and be on people's good sides.

But I am also someone who wouldn't think twice about disobeying the law to do what I want to do.

I am someone who over-analyzes every last thing.

I am someone who cannot communicate well.

I am someone who has been through hardships.

I am someone who knows exactly when she is being judged. I am not a fucking idiot, I do have eyes and an overactive analyzation center in my brain to analyze every single mannerism of your eyes and body. Dumbass.

I am someone who thinks highly of themself.

I am someone who puts them self first.

I am someone who always finds the time to do whatever she wants.

I am someone who doesn't worry about money, because I truly believe things will work themselves out in the end.

I am someone who wants to work--- not just for money, but so I can change the world.

I am someone who wants to change society for the better before I die.

I am someone who doesn't care what people think.

I am someone.

Thats all.

I am a human being. Treat me like one. That is my greatest request.

The only rights and laws we should have are:
The right to life.

You have the right to live your life in whatever way you see fit.

But since you have the right to life--- if that right is revoked by someone. Lets say, you are murdered. Then your murderer has lost their right to life.

No, not through execution. But if somebody wants to kill him/her, they can kill him/her without losing their own right to life, because they would be killing an immoral being.

That is the only law, and that is the only right you have in life.

In my life at least.

I am not crazy--- you are all. You are crazy for believing that the government is the be all and the end all. You think that it is the only choice to life, is the one that the government provides you. Maybe legally speaking, yes. But morally speaking--- no.

I would rather go to jail for something I believe in, then fake my smile.

But trust me--- I would never get to jail. I'd either be murdered or escape the country first.

But I doubt that will ever have to happen.

I am like fox face. Only if I eat the poisoned berries, will I die. But luckily, I am not stupid.

BAM. I AM VERY GOOD AT TYPING STUFF LIKE THIS BUT WHEN I GO TO SAY IT IN REAL LIFE I WIlL BE LIKE "And.. I.. am.. smart...?"

What ifs?

I was at work on Saturday and I thought that I should write a blog about "What ifs". Like, what I would do if something happened.

I was sort of thinking about it a bit at work.

Then I got on a bit of a thought process. I made myself really sad. So my first "What if?" is:

What if I got Cancer?

When I thought of this I automatically got so sad. I always thought Cancer is a possibility I could get it. I just imagined getting it when I was like 40 and my kids were teenagers. But what if I got cancer now? I would be so sad. I am not even kidding. Obviously I would be sad, but even the thought of it makes me want to cry. It makes my stomach hurt. If I had cancer... I would need to do everything--- fast. I didn't have a chance to influence society. I didn't have a chance to do what I wanted. I can't die. I just can't. I never considered death as a fear of mine. And the actual experience of "dying" as in, death, doesn't scare me, but not being alive, is what scares me. I love life. I need to go places and meet people. I want to experience all of it.

But I did write up a will once... an illegitimate one. Like, its not legal. But I just wrote it in my journal. But it is severely outdated. But I wrote it up because I wanted to control the fate of my money after my death--- if I were to die young, like in a car accident or something. I also wrote up a version if my mom and I die, because that could be likely (again the car accident idea).

I don't know. I know that is weird, but I don't care.

So now, I am just going to google a list of What ifs and answer them.

What If something difficult happened in your life right now, who's the first person you'd want to talk to?
Honestly? Somebody who is not my family or my "friend". But I am not saying who.

What if you won enough money to support yourself and your family for the rest of your lives, what would you do?
I'd do just so. I would take a lot more vacations. I would do school a lot faster. I would open my smoothie shop now instead of 5 years from now.

What if you could take a vacation by yourself next week, all expenses paid, which would you choose?
England.

What if it were affordable, would you have your body frozen when you die so doctors might be able to revive you in the future?
Never.

What if someone invented a machine to record your nightly dreams, would you buy it and watch them?
Hell yeah I would

What if you were to have a baby boy tomorrow, would you get him circumcised?
Probably. BUT HELL YEAH I'D BE SO HAPPY.

What if 16 year olds could buy and drink alcohol?
I'd be drunk more often.

What if the walls could talk?
They Do.

What if the U.S. took over Canada and Mexico?
I would be a US citizen. I'd probably leave. Or fuck someone.

What if Christians didn't hate homosexuals?
I wouldn't hate christians.

What if men were women and women were men?
Everything would stay the same.

What if the ghost of your great grandpa haunted your bedroom at night?
Fuck. I'd be the fuck out of here.

What if God was one of us? (just a stranger on a bus)
Well. More hell should be raised then.

What if we live in an elaborate testing facility where they experiment on us, testing human responses to various external forces?
That would suck. I probably wouldn't know better.

What if I asked you out online?
GTFO.

What if the answer to life, the universe, and everything really is 42?
lol. Its not. So. Fuck it.

What if we're failing?
We are. So. Thats it.


Life Advice:
What if I was really not who you think I am?