I need to like school.

I need to start liking school.

I have this extreme hatred for the entire school system now. I am dreading going back to school. I love learning new things, it is honestly one of the biggest things that I love about myself. I just hate the system in which I have to learn things in, in order to qualify for a degree to say I know the things that I do.

I like the courses that I have picked out. I just want them to match up to the expectations I have for them.

I would drop out of school but I have no idea what else to do with my time. I'm sure there is something I could do, career wise, that would make me happier than teaching. Maybe not. I do really want to teach. But any other career I want are slightly more unrealistic. For example: being a comedian. I have no experience. I tried to create experience for myself by starting a comedy club at my university but nothing came of that.

I think I need to start liking school, though. I am depressed about it and my learning will be very disturbed even by being depressed. I want to be school oriented in order to get out of school on time.

How am I going to do this?

I have no clue. I am pretty much an alcoholic (I may write about this someday... probably not, it's kind of shady) and I told my fiancé I am brining a flask with me to class. This isn't a lie, I probably will. I did last year. Well, not bring a flask, but put something in my drink before I left. It's not good. I know I am an alcoholic. Whatever.

I need to not drink so much but it is also the easier route.

I think I will have more balance this year which will be great for focusing. I will have a lot on my plate, but I think it will balance me out better. Fuck. I hope I have time to see my fiancé at times other than sleeping. Between our school schedules, working, going to the gym & dance for me, and other social lives... ugh.

I have no clue. I have just started this train of thought in my head and I have no idea. I might figure it out eventually.

Even I don't know what I am talking about here.

I'm not up in arms about anything and frankly, it's odd. Usually I have some major idea or thought to scream about on my blog but for the past few months there has been nothing super inspiring for me. Life is just depressing me, but in a good way.

I'm just sick of school and I'm done writing exhaustive blog posts complaining about it (for now). I'm sick of working at retail jobs that I feel overqualified for and can't find a job that is equivalent to my abilities and will challenge me.

I know saying that you're "sick and tired" about something is just a phrase, but for me it's all too true. I'm tired of fighting idiots about political and social topics. Not done, just tired of it. I'm bored of it.

I'm half dreading school because I know there is going to be a lot of readings I simply don't want to do but should do. I am really bad at reading things I don't want to read because I just zone out and observe the words. I could read 20 pages before realizing I haven't absorbed any of it.

I'm seriously ready to just become a typical teenager and be completely wasted every moment that isn't working time or school time. If it was legal to drink during class I totally would. I've written assignments for school while drinking and gotten 100% on them.

I have my marathon soon and I seriously need to train for it. I was going to go for a run today but the weather decided to increase by a LOT out of the blue and I know that my 30k run would soon become 7k with the temperature out there. I am actually just getting super tired just sitting here thinking about it.

I might go to a nearby city that actually has things to do, tomorrow, with Nick. But I also don't want to spend money and he doesn't either. I'm stuck in a rut. Maybe school will bring something out of me. Inspiration to write, friends to visit... just anything.

I need an inspirational moment. I really do. My life is good right now, for the most part, other than money/school and work (but then again, those three things screw everyone over) but I just want something to be excited for. Well, I'm excited to get married. But something that is more inspirational or... I don't know... just something. Getting married is different.

Nick and I describe ourselves as "life partners" and although there is a need and occurrence of surprising each other and whatnot, we are not each others' only other thing in the world. I need something outside of the relationship to bring into the relationship to be excited about. Getting married is just the next step to solidify to everyone else that we are actually serious. Marriage is a big deal, but it's not the biggest deal. I swear that half of getting married is about everyone else around us. It makes me want to use all of the money we want to use for getting married to go on a really nice vacation. Because really, who cares if they get a half-decent meal and a weird little trinket to take home with them to celebrate us? We are probably going to have a nice wedding anyways, but it would be so easy to just be officiated in a public park (cost would be like $200, probably) and then take everyone close out to dinner somewhere. That would be so much cheaper than finding a venue. Seriously, some of the more inexpensive venues we are looking at are around $4,500 not including food or $12,000 including food. It is ridiculous. Our budget will probably be about $7,000 (maybe, who knows, maybe less maybe more) which is honestly ridiculous.

We could have a $1,500 wedding and then go somewhere nice. It is really our own relationship.

I have no idea where I am going with any of this. Oh yeah. The lack of being "up in arms" about everything. Oh well. Hopefully something dumb will happen soon to make me angry to write a blog post.

Also, I have a wedding blog now: bridetubey.blogspot.com

I am ENGAGED

The 27th of July, 2014.

I am a fiancée. My boyfriend, Nick proposed to me. Breathe.

We were playing a game where you ask yes or no questions and go back and forth. He said "Three more questions and then let's go to bed" and I agreed. He had the last question. We were sitting on the floor and he sat me down beside him on the sofa and began his speech. He ended his speech with the best question in that game's history. He kneeled on the floor in front of me, holding one of his own rings in his hand and asked me to marry him. I said yes.

He used one of his rings because he didn't have a ring for me yet and he didn't want to propose without a ring. So cute. I wear that ring on a necklace for now until my engagement ring is finished sizing and I can wear it. I should have it on the 14th. We picked it out together, the day after he proposed.

So, you may be asking yourself, "Why the fuck is Sarah getting married? She is 18!". I have never been a person for age stereotypes, but yes, I will be getting married when I am at the age of 20 (in the summer of 2016) and Nick will be 25.

I am getting married because I am willing to take a chance with the man I love. I want to marry him, he wants to marry me and therefore: we are going to get married. There is always a degree of fear in any relationship, whether boyfriend/girlfriend, or husband/wife. You never know when one of you will die, if you will split up/divorce, hate each other in the future, etc. But if you let that fear get in front of you, you won't be happy.

Anyways,

Allow me to answer the FAQs that I am assuming everyone has:

What did your parents think?
When I told my mom she replied, "I knew you would get engaged soon/I knew it".

What did his parents think?
They were happy I wasn't pregnant. They were supportive. They were a little shocked. His mom said "I can't believe how compatible you two are. I don't think I have ever seen a more compatible couple in my life"

Why not wait until you are older?
I personally want to get married before I am done my undergrad because I don't want to worry about it afterwords. Not that I couldn't wait, but I would rather not wait. I don't think there is an issue with me getting married to someone I love. Nevertheless, there is a stereotype of being foolish connected to marrying young, but I have also never been described as a foolish person.

Why are you waiting two years to get married?
Nick and I were talking about it and we decided that 2016 (the year between our 3rd and 4th years of school) was a good time. It gave us two years more living together before being married. Also, most venues we are looking at book 2 years in advance, so... we kind of have to wait if we want a nice venue.

How big is your wedding AKA how the fuck are you going to afford your wedding?
We are expecting around 40 people to be at the wedding. I am planning on saving some money from my inheritance from my dad and the two of us plan on saving money here and there from paycheques over the next two years. We want a nice and elegant wedding, but know we will have to sacrifice things. We also don't have a huge guest list. Yet.

So... what does the ring look like?

I am so happy to be marrying the man that I love. He makes me happy. Without him I would be in such a different place right now and I like where I am now. He gives me so much more than I could ever imagine. He is my best friend. We are compatible on every level of compatibility but have different hobbies so we have our own lives outside our relationship too. We can work through arguments. Every step we have taken in the relationship has felt so natural: falling in love, moving in together, adopting a pet, getting engaged. He is my life partner and I want him to always be my life partner. I am willing to take a chance on love with him. We balance each other out: things I know he doesn't, things I don't know, he does. We help each other out: he fixes my tech problems and I fix the holes in his clothes. We enjoy spending time together. We are willing to make sacrifices for each other. We picture a future together, support each other's ambitions and help each other out with achieving our goals. He helps me come out of my shell, make good life decisions and is there for me no matter what emotion I am expressing. I help him through any tough times, comfort him and make him feel better. We are in a lifelong relationship and it is currently making me happy so I am going to go with that emotion and try to keep it going forever.