Has the universe always been in existence?

I was doing deep philosophical thinking (really? Who woulda guessed?) and I was trying to explain time to someone.

Sort of.  

I was saying the reason that people created the idea of a god is because they think that there needs to be a reason for the creation of earth and man.   

The reason that people think there needs to be a reason for the creation of earth and man is because humans are born and then they die. I don't think of the human species as being infinite, I suppose I trust the theory of evolution for explaining humans, but I also know that we could go extinct, just like any other animal on earth. 

 People created a god out of their minds that "Created" earth and some believe that someday there will be a rapture and the earth will end. This is how some religions have justified the creation of humans and earth.   

There are so many myths and creation stories about how the earth and how us as humans were created. But they need to remain as myths.  

Humans most likely evolved from other species over billions of years. Earth may not have always existed but the universe must have to have existed. To be something, there must have always been something. I hold the understanding that the universe is infinite.  

As humans, since we can't grasp the concept of not having a beginning (since all things in our lives have a beginning) we have a hard time grasping the idea that things have just always existed. Maybe not the human race, or earth. But the universe has. This is my theory. It makes sense to me.  

For something to exist, something must've always existed.  

But I guess to a certain degree, the creation of earth probably had to do with something like the big bang or something scientific I honestly couldn't explain to you since my major isn't physics.   

My overall point here is that the universe has probably always existed. Something cannot come from nothing. So something must've existed, whether it is darkness or light. Something existed. Little atoms, particles, have existed. I think the earth and humans have somehow come from this something.   

But there has to have always been something, nevertheless. We can't create something out of nothing. 

The 4 favourite lessons of mine I didn't learn in high school (Ideas for HS teachers!)

There were many great life lessons, not just subject-related lessons I learned in high school. I found I had learned many things outside of high school that I felt should be taught in high school.

This is a compilation of those lessons:

1. To Question Everything
None of my teachers ever told me to question things.  I am not sure where I picked up this lesson but I think it is extremely necessary to be taught. It should be taught not to accept everything as is, to question the books you read, the people you meet, the lessons you learn, everything.

By questioning things you start to learn. You broaden your mind and you are able to get an open-minded perspective on the world.

"The important thing is to not stop questioning" - Albert Einstein


2. The importance of health and physical activity
Sure, the importance of health and physical activity was discussed a little in some of my classes, specifically grade 9 gym (and gym only has to be taken once in high school). Since you only need 1 gym credit, you don't need to keep taking it. You don't even really learn about eating healthy or how much exercise you really need.

There is no doubt to how important being healthy is for the mind and for the body.

To the best of the ability of the instructor, lessons on being healthy should be offered. Obviously not all courses are tapered to display traits of healthy eating or how to work out, but some courses like Biology, Gym, Foods, etc., can be altered.

3. Money Management
I used to be horrible at managing my money. I am slowly becoming better because I have been learning how to organize my money and budget it out so I don't overspend and I can afford the things I need. This was never taught in high school. I still don't know how to do taxes! Nothing about money is ever taught in school, except how to count it. Some people don't even know this! When I used to work at a Cafe many customers informed me I am the only one who could count back change in my head.

If I had it my way, there would be a half credit mandatory course on money management in high school.

4. Reading Skills/Active reading
Sure, we all know how to read (at least where I went to school). We know how to turn pages, look at the words and then we know how to use chart paper to display our knowledge of the book. But never once did a single teacher mention the words "Active Reading" to me. Active reading needs to be taught. This is a big issue, especially since in university/college everyone has to go learn on their own without a teacher holding their hand and most of this reading is from a textbook. Active reading shouldn't just be taught in an english classroom with a fiction book, it should be taught in all classrooms with non-fiction textbooks.

To those who do not know what Active Reading is, check out this link.

I hope this can help some high school teachers and curriculum creators to gain some wisdom into the eyes of what really needs to be taught in our high schools.



Are there any lessons you wish you learned in high school?

Use logic and don't be hopeful (not always)

I have no hope, dreams or faith.

I am not depressed, boring or pessimistic.

I have logic, goals and plans.

I am not happy, exciting or optimistic.

I am not average.

I am realistic.

Being realistic means having no hopes, dreams or faith. It means making what would be a dream, a goal with steps, action and achievement.

Hopes versus goals is what makes the successful person different from the optimistic. 

I am an atheist, therefore I don't pray. But I ask, even the most foolish of theist to consider instead of praying, or I'm addition to praying, to take real actions.

You must do things to get things.

Praying, hoping and wishing does nothing.

The only reason one should wish is in hopes of achieving something highly unlikely, like getting Justin Bieber to take you to prom. Although you could take actual steps to get that to happen as well. 

During my run I was thinking about "When an acceptable time to be hopeful is". I was thinking maybe when you can't do much, or you have run out of steps you can take. For example, in the hospital with cancer. Maybe it would help to be somewhat optimistic at the end of the strings of your life.

I was also thinking about maybe when you are going for a job. You pick out a good outfit, give your best interview and prepare a lot. After the interview is over all you can do is wait. Should you hope you get the job? Maybe. But would it be better to be optimistic about the job and not get the job, or to not be optimistic and to not get the job?

I just think if you use logic by thinking it is possible you don't get the job, to prepare for the worst outcome. I mean you don't look outside and see little drops rain and then think "Nope, I don't need this umbrella" when the weather could turn extremely bad. Or at least you shouldn't.

Answers should follow along with the individual's logic. It just makes sense not to be optimistic over a result that could be negative.

Maybe having hope at certain points in life is okay, but not all of the time. You can't just sit around and wait for something to happen, you have to get up and take steps, create goals and make it happen.

Dreams are the goals of the weak man.

On a separate note, I have created a facebook page for my blog! https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Caffeinated-Philosophy-Experiment/281676515307653

Please like it! I hope to build up to at least 100 people to be able to have conversations about the ideas expressed in my blog posts. I want to become more accessible and communicative with my readers.

Like like like!

Letting go of smother (poem)

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

― Deborah Reber

Your child is going off into the world,
let go.
The hardest part is to come,
The hard work is done.
Nature shows us the natural ability to let go.
Trees change, birds part, grass grows;
Life goes on.
Just let go.

My mother is having the hardest time letting go of me.
I push her away and she just will not leave me be.

This is harder for me than the average person.
She is a single mother of one;
I am her only child.
She has no husband to go back to,
No younger child to pester,
nothing.

People always say that you will want to go back to visit;
I refuse to be apart of the boomerang generation.

I do not want to live in this house.

This is not my house, this is her house. I am a guest here now, even though I haven't left.

I do not need someone hovering over me and telling me
"Do not buy a car, you can not afford it!"
"Do not go out into the dark!"
"Wash the dishes!"
 I need someone to                                   l       e      t                    g      o

Let me make my own mistakes.

Let me go.
I am not yours;
I was never yours.

I was never yours.
You gave me life but you do not own me.
I am not your sim that you can use in real life.

I have my own thoughts which are completely different from yours.

You are theist, 

I am atheist.

You are frugal,

I am not.

You are old,

I am not.

You are spiritual,

I am not.

You are uneducated,

I am not.

But the thing is, I was born in October 1995. 

I am not 18 until the end of October.

Not a legal adult? The law should not matter.

She thinks since I am not legal,

she can still be able to dictate my life.

From 5 hours away.

Your essence is not even of a mother.

It is of a daughter,

telling her elderly mother to stay away from danger.

I say 'I know what I am doing'

But my mother-daughter doesn't trust me.

No trust. 

The last time I needed someone out of my life was 2011.

The 'friend' who just had to end.

But 'mother' has no end. 

But with an 's' it could be smother.

No carnations for the smother.

No letters.

Sometimes letting go requires a push.

I just hope it is not me pushing myself

at the edge.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I am going to university this fall and my mother is having the hardest time not comprehending that she does not control me. 

Fuck me

Hello there cliff. You're looking pretty sexy at this point in time.

The Stupid Religious Conversation I overheard + Fear

I was at work the other day (I work at a library) and there were three people sitting in chairs near where I was shelving books.

They were having a pretty loud conversation about religion. I am not 100% about who they were, but there were 2 female young adults and one older female adult. The 2 younger were questioning the older one about her religious beliefs.

If you are ready to feel like smacking your face into the wall, continue reading.

At one point they asked her something about the fact how christianity has so many branches and the lady went onto say (this is all paraphrased, I don't have THAT great of a memory)
"Well I don't think there should be so many branches of the same religion. We should all just practice the same thing because we believe the same thing. I don't know why we don't. It makes more sense. We should all just be one religion. I know that there are lots of other religions but there should just be the one since we all believe the same thing"

She obviously doesn't know her history. Even I don't know too much religious history, but I know enough to know that religions have split into smaller little ones, like how we have protestants, puritans, anglicans, etc, for various historical reasons. Although I do think it is stupid how religions still aren't letting some things go, I understand the reasoning behind it.

Anyways, the two girls always responded with justifying what she said by saying things like "It seems you don't care about the details and you just need to look at the facts and need to justify it."

The lady went on again for a while "I mean a lot of this doesn't make sense to me, like jesus being resurrected, it makes no logical sense. Jesus was born from a virgin, it doesn't make sense. I know a lot about my religion, well I don't know a lot about it but I have heard it all in church. You just have to believe."

"So the details aren't as important to you"

"The details don't matter to me, the history doesn't matter to me. I've been going to church since I was a kid and the details don't really matter."

"So the facts don't matter to you. That makes sense."

I missed a lot of the conversation, as I was working, but I did here them start talking about other religious beliefs like mormonism and buddhism.

I actually had to restrain myself from entering the conversation. They had no idea what they were talking about.

Essentially throughout the whole conversation this woman basically admitted that there are so many things that don't make sense in the bible, in her religion, but that those things don't matter to her and that she chooses to ignore them and continue her faith.

This is why people are still theists. People are afraid of being wrong, they are afraid of being a non-conformist, they are afraid to go back on the views they once held and carry on new ones.

You can't prove god exists, you can't not prove he exists. This is why agnosticism makes so much sense, but yet, I am an atheist.

This is the type of thing that makes me want to scream it from the mountaintops, broadcast it on TV, hand out brochures... the only analyzation, the one idea I always come back to in my discoveries is that people fear being wrong.

When you are in a debate and you suddenly decide you like the other idea better, are you going to confess that? No! Of course not! How embarrassing is that? Well 90% of our population believes in a god that doesn't exist, so I'd say it's more embarrassing to not switch sides when you realize the other side is right, because then you are contributing to a societal fallacy. Fallacy isn't the word I am looking for, mistake? I am not sure.

I rarely do, but if I do discover the other side is correct, or maybe even slightly correct, like if I am debating the existence of god and the other side does make a good point, I do commend them on their point and see its value. I continue my arguments because I am an atheist, although this one little point hasn't swayed me, I do tell them if it is a valid point.

I am not saying that if one little point on the other side is right, completely change your views, and I am not even telling you to be open-minded. The only thing I am asking you is to confess if you are wrong.

The one thing we don't need more of in society is lies and deceit controlling us. Truthiness is important.

We don't want our history textbooks (tablets, applications..) depicting our generation as a fiction novel, we want it to be non-fiction.

So stop believing in things that don't make sense. Use logic.

The (Almost) Apocalyptic Storm

After a recent event that shall now be called the "Mini Apocolypse Of 2013" or "MAO2013" (Mrs. Mao was the name of an evil teacher I had in grade 8, so it's fitting) occurred, I have now been ensured that we have become the stupidest animals on this planet.

July 19th, 2013, this was the day that we had a very minor storm. Not even a storm. It just rained, thundered and we also had lightning. In Belleville, Ontario, a small city of less than 50,000 people, you think we could handle it, but no. It all started off with giant winds, beginning around 2pm, in which I had donned a pair of sunglasses to stop small bits of dirt from entering my eyes, which sounds more painful than it actually was. I acted like I was dying, running to the car with my hands over my eyes, like the intelligent human I am.

Later that day my mother and I decided to go out for dinner at the fanciest place in all of the land: Denny's. On our drive we quickly noticed the slightly greying skies over the train station. I didn't say anything because of my desperation for pancakes, but I had a bad feeling about this storm. We continued driving and this vine was created.



Little drops of rain began plopping the car window but it was just drizzling once we got out of the car to enter Denny's.

We stride through the doorway to immediately be greeted with the most generous flickering of lights and the extinguishing of power. Luckily Denny's runs on gas, so we could still have food, and we agreed to eat in the dark, by the window to allow a bit of light in.

It felt like a 50s diner. I was just thinking "So this is what it feels like to eat in a diner with no air conditioning, it feels like the 50s". I felt pretty classy, I mean, as classy as one could feel in a Denny's with no electricity or air conditioning.

I envied this time in society in which there was no air conditioning. Why? I just thought of the pit stains people were allowed to flaunt. But now you have $20 deodorant you can buy if you sweat like that and basically everywhere is air conditioned. But if you are like me and you sweat excessively for a 17 year old girl (not disgustingly, just enough to be annoying) and you have sensitive skin so you cannot use said deodorant, pit stains are something you must flaunt, whether you want to or not.

Anyways, to continue with the storm story, the first chaotic event occurred. It started pouring rain in buckets, which only lasted for about 10 minutes... but that wasn't the worst part.

It was just my mom and I, along with 2 families with kids and one other table of two women. The one table had a fairly young-looking baby (as compared to an old looking baby) that began crying, and luckily only cried once. A man asked whether or not there was light in the bathroom to change him and the manager responded with "no" and offered him a flashlight. He then proceeded to ask if it was fine to change him at the corner of the restaurant. She just let him go for it.

Now, now. I know that it is pouring rain and everything, but it's not time to start acting irrationally. Nobody needs to change the baby in the area in which everybody is eating food. You can use a flashlight in the washroom.

I mean, I get that it's not a big deal and everything, since there weren't that many people there. But at the time we were all sitting in this non-air-conditioned Denny's and all I was thinking was "please don't smell bad" because that shit will spread like wildfire. Literally.

It's not the freaking apocalypse, there's no need to start changing your baby everywhere.

Luckily, it did not smell in Denny's. Usually this type of thing would be chill with me. Sure, change your baby on the Eiffel tower! Who cares?! But at this point, I didn't want my 1950's diner dream to come crashing down with the distinct smell of baby urine.

Soon after we were done eating, the second chaotic event occurred. After the waitress spent about 5 minutes doing grade 6 math, since the machines were obviously down, our bill was brought to us. Now, did we have money? Nope. Notta. They don't accept cheques. They don't accept non-automatic visa. Come on! We are classy motherfuckers. We aren't trying to scam your fancy establishment of $19.64, we just don't have money! Cleverly, I reached into my own wallet and came up with $17.76 which I didn't realize I had. My mom had the rest in change. We paid and left about a .40 cent tip.

My mom was stressing over this a lot. She kept saying "This is so cheap of us!" "This is such a cheap tip!". Well what am I going to do? Start doing stripteases for the families and waitresses? No! It's not air conditioned enough and I am not wearing my cute underwear.

I was just thinking "Mom! Come on! According to that father over there, frivolously changing his baby once again, it's the apocalypse! Who has time to leave a tip? We're going to die!".

So we left, surviving.

At this point, the barely-apocalyptic rain ended as we jumped into the car to drive back.

Since all of the power was out, we had to go through 4 intersections with no traffic lights.

Now, I am not sure how smart you are, but when the power is out and there are no traffic lights, what do you do? You treat it as a 4-way stop. This means that cars take turns going. They wait, look to see who is next, then go. I would know this, I just got my full G-license earlier that morning, before MAO2013.

But what happened? The third chaotic event. Nobody knew what the fuck to do. Nobody was using their signals, I am pretty sure everybody was yelling in their cars. One car at a time? Nope! Let's just have 4 cars go at once all coming towards each other. That's how driving in apocalyptic times works, right? Just drive towards each other! God will lift your cars above each other. Nope. Not at all.

So basically people just started driving when they felt like it. Like "Oh! I feel like it's my turn, but really, I am behind 3 other cars in front of me. So I am just going to honk my horn!".

It's not the fucking apocalypse guys! It's just a storm!

My mother and I escaped, surviving.

We drove back home after the 3 Chaotic events occurred (hey, rule of 3s!). And guess what? Nothing was wrong. The power was on at our house, the rain didn't drown anyone and our car was now shiny from the rain. So hey! We're alive AND we have a shiny car. We were one amongst many (all), who survived the chaos of MAO2013.

I have learned a couple of things from this experience:
1) Nobody knows how to drive in Canada. I got points deducted for looking at a hotdog stand while driving on my test this morning. These mother fuckers were inching into the intersection and then jetting on through like a dinosaur was about to eat their faces.
2) Denny's without air conditioning feels like the 50s
3) People have no idea what to do in storm-like situations. We will all die while trying to google it on our phones. "Oh No! That movie I watched yesterday only taught me to keep calm in these situations! Now what do I actually do? I'll just pull out my iPhone with 3G... and nope!". People will drown in a puddles, change their babies on tables at Denny's. Not much else. Then there'd be the odd person that knows what they're doing and they'll be fucking queen of the world, while the people from Jersey Shore and the Kardashians are drowning in puddles and the nerds are running to the bookstore to figure out how to swim in the puddle, fully realizing their phones won't work.

Geniuses we are. The smartest animals ever. If it fucking rains like that the ducks don't start shitting all over the pond in unusual ways in which they don't normally do. No! They just continue their duck-business. What do humans do? Forget how to drive and spread their feces rapidly.

Old Goals/New Goals

Back in late 2011 and early 2012 I had created quite a few goals to complete which I had blogged about. I haven't revisited these in forever. It's sort of like a time capsule, but it hasn't been buried that long, just for a year and a half or so.

Here they are:

Things I said quote "I am going to do"

1. To get a second job:

I did get a second job. It took a few months, and I quit about 8 months later because it was too much work. Technically I am still an employee at that place, since they still have my records. I am sort of an "on-call" employee, that never gets called.

2. Going to do yoga

 I never really did yoga. I did for about 2 months at home and then I joined the gym and did everything but yoga. I rarely even stretch. I know I should. But I just don't find yoga something that appeals to me anymore, anyways.

3. Going to get a car

I haven't done this yet either! I am next month (hopefully). I almost have the money for it! 4. Going to study hard. Well I guess I did. I graduated high school with honours and my tuition first year of university is free because of my grades... so I say I did well.

New Things I want to try in 2012:

1. Skiing:
Nope. I had tried to make plans with one of my friends, but they repeatedly fell through.

 2. Waterskiing.
Still no.

3. Get a massage.
Nope. I was actually close to it recently, to get one for running since I injured myself, but I didn't.

4. Make a rap.
HAHA I ACTUALLY DID. Like I wrote one, not performed it. I can't rap to save my life.

5. Stand up comedy
I didn't do this, but I do write comedy stories/sketches sometimes, just for my own personal entertainment.

6. Yoga
Apparently I repeated this goal twice.

My Official new Years Resolution:
Drink more water- I don't drink water as often as I should, but I know I do more now than I did in 2012.
Do more Yoga- Apparently I used to really want to do yoga.
Maintain my weight- This has changed so much. I ended up joining the gym and so I gained weight from lifting weights. So technically I want my weight to go up as long as my body fat % goes down. Be more spontaneous- I suppose I have...
Get a second job- I've already discussed this Do well at drivers ed + get g2- I completed drivers ed, and I am literally going for my final G licence tomorrow!


I am now going to analyze this intensely.

My goals were mostly fitness and driving related. I completed the important ones, like getting a second job. It's so weird looking back at this stuff. I feel so different from here.


I am going to create 5 new goals, and officially say goodbye to these old completed and not completed ones.

1. Join something at my university. I either want to do Cross Country or Improv but I am thinking I will join the Philosophy or Psychology society. I don't know which. I will pick one and do it.

2. Get my G licence. As I said, I am going for it tomorrow (July 19th). I have heard it is very easy to fail it, and although I plan to pass it, there is a very good chance I will not. As long as I get it by the end of this summer. This isn't very optimistic, but whatever.

3. Connect with someone. I am obviously not mentioning this person's name, but there is someone I want to connect with more. By this I mean I want to talk to them more. I'll keep it at that.

4. Not go into debt more than $200. I refuse to go into debt. I have been in debt, not much, usually just a few hundred, which I can handle within a few weeks-1 month. But it is horrible. I am keeping my credit card, mainly for the use of online shopping. But I am horrible with money. I hope to never go into debt more than $200 ever again. Actually, I don't hope. I won't.

5. Finish my book. The book I have been working on, may end up like the many others of mine and not get finished. I plan to finish this one.

Let's do this!

Annoyed Atheist

I was extremely annoyed yesterday, although it is mostly my fault.

I have inevitably been doing a lot of thinking about atheism, since I am writing a comedy book about atheism, but also because I decided to take Religious Studies in my first year at university.

Let me give you some background before I tell today's story. I am an (agnostic) atheist and I am pretty strong on my views. I was talking to somebody close to me about theism and atheism and how I am taking the Religious Studies course. 

I was explaining my reason for taking Religious Studies to this person and for your curiosity, it is for a few reasons:

1. I genuinely find religions fascinating

2. I feel like I will have more credibility than the average theist if I have taken a religion course, I feel like I might get something out of it

3. There is a 3rd year atheist course I want to take (which can be counted towards my Philosophy degree) but I have to have the 1st year credit to take it.

So I was explaining this (well the first and third reasons) to this person and then I jokingly said "Hey! At the end of first year I could change my major to Religion!" and they responded "Why would you do that?"

I actually took a little bit of offence to this, but I let it slip. I started talking about my majors again as well as what that might mean for me if I decide to go into teaching (which I likely will).

At one point in time, deep into the conversation this person said something along the lines of "You can't be a teacher if you think that".

This is making me furious just sitting here typing it. They were referring to me being an atheist. 

Excuse me? I can't be a teacher if I am atheist? And people wonder why theists frustrate me so much.

I tried to explain that as a teacher you have to be open minded and obviously if I were to ever teach a course (we were specifically talking about teaching a religion course) in high school that I would have to share all aspects and points of view of a subject, and as a teacher I can barely even share my opinion (which is part of the reason why I am not leaning towards NOT wanting to be a teacher). To be a teacher you must be open-minded, which I am fully aware of. This person seems to think I am going to start forcing atheism down people's throats in a classroom.

Anyways, I was attempting to explain this, but this person wouldn't shut up. They kept talking over me. This is when our conversation that led to debate which led to disagreement, then became an argument. I started shouting out to "shut up and let me talk" and this person wouldn't let me.

That is basically the end of this. I didn't get a chance to explain anything because they wouldn't SHUT UP. 

I am furious. I am annoyed. These little interactions with theists or even just people close to me, make me want to stomp out a puppy. 

This led me to cry a little. Not because we argued, I was literally crying because some people are so (for lack of a better word) STUPID and can't be open-minded. 

Sometimes when I talk atheism vs. theism I am offensive. I honestly don't care. I feel the need to push my limits because I look at theism almost like a societal crisis. A mass group of people believe in something that doesn't exist! Can you really blame me for wanting to stop it? 

I cry because I am so frustrated that people won't be open-minded to really realize god doesn't exist.

Although saying this to a theist means nothing, because they just try to rationalize me being atheist by saying I am the devil, by saying that I had a bad childhood or I am just mad at god. 

NO. I am just the only sober person in a world filled with idiots drunken and poisoned by theism.

I feel like to a theist right now that I am actually pretty funny because I seem like the idiot. Trust me, I'm not.

I think that my point in saying all of this is that I have realized (once again) that I can't control everyone. I feel like my ideas, opinions, etc., should be the world. I fully believe I am correct. But I am also 100% sure that everyone thinks the same about their own ideas. Back in my Grade 12 philosophy course I would always answer questions by first stating that there is no correct answer because everyone's views are different, and would go on to tell my views and explain why.

I just have to accept that not everybody is going to agree with me. I just hope that there are some groups of people that will listen to me.

I have 2 last little tidbits about atheism to dissolve away from my rant...

1. I was considering getting an atheist themed tattoo, mostly just because people's cross tattoos annoy me, but also because I am an atheist and I wanted to display it. I soon talked myself out of it because I rationalized that it is weird to display that I have a belief in something that is a belief that something doesn't exist. It's like getting a tattoo saying "Frog-birds don't exist" to me. So I am not getting it, because I think it's weird.

2. My book. I shall reveal a little more. Not too much, though. I don't want my blog to become my process and ideas of my book. I already said that:

1. I am writing a book about atheism

2. It is comical

Now I shall reveal sort of the premiss. It is directed for the atheist reader, although some aspects may apply to theists. It's sort of a how-to book for atheists, but it is all completely bogus stuff, making it funny. Sort of. I may change some parts, I have barely started it. It is still in the brainstorming process. It will forever be in the brainstorming process, until it is published (which I hope someday, it will be). 

Does anybody else get really annoyed when someone has the complete opposite idea about something that you believe in? 

What's new, Scooby-Doo?

I am going to be focusing on a few key things to get my mind established. Logic make some of? Grammar make good of!

Okay, so I have a few things to talk about.

1. My recent trip to visit the university I will be attending this fall

2. Current things I am thinking about

3. What I am thinking of doing as a career

4. Poetry

(Oh boy)

1. My Recent Trip to the University I will be attending this fall

I am going to be attending Nipissing University this fall and for the third time I visited the university for an Orientation. What was nice about this one is that you actually get to meet students that are in your program, or ones similar. I got to meet a few interesting individuals and some people too! (Cue the laugh track). Sorry, bad joke. No, I got to meet a few interesting students, which was nice. There weren't any other people (that I noticed/met) that were also in philosophy. I met one other in political science with me. I met a bunch of people from History and Fine Arts. I also met two interesting professors. 

My mom and I stayed in the residence there, and it was really nice. I was sitting in the room on my ipad eating soup (this sounds sad, but it wasn't) and I was just thinking about how in two months, this will be where I am living (not that exact dorm house/room, but you get the point). 

Overall I had a good time. I didn't learn too much. I did learn now I cannot complete a BEd at Nipissing, which I wasn't necessarily planning to do, anyways. I can go somewhere else (as long as I am accepted). But Nipissing is no longer accepting psychology and political science as teachables, so I can't enter the BEd program afterwards. I might go to York, but that is very far into the future.

2.  Current things I am thinking about

Time to enter my mind. I am thinking about reading a lot. 

Thinking about reading.

Not even reading. Well, I am.

I know I am going to be doing a lot of reading in university, which I don't mind, but I just have a slight concern. I cannot stay awake while reading something that doesn't interest me. This may apply to many different people, but it applies especially to me. In grade 12 english I was literally trying so many different things to stay awake while reading Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh (which I originally chose to read for my independent study). I would overload on caffeine, contort my body into different positions, get comfortable, get uncomfortable, go in bright light... nothing would work. I kept falling asleep. Literally passing out. I think my solution to this in university will be reading in a public place. I hate falling asleep in public places, so I will probably read somewhere public like the library, but sit somewhere with minimal distraction so I can focus. 

Another thing about reading is that I got a bunch of books from Amazon.ca and Chapters.ca to read this summer. I am halfway through one already. It is a book of poetry, but I will talk more of this later.

3. What I am thinking of doing as a career (Also, what's my major?)

Since I was at Nipissing the past two days, I have really been thinking hardcore about my major. If you follow my blogs, you know this is a common theme I talk about. What will I study? What will I do as a career? 

Currently I am choosing to double-major in either Philosophy, Psychology or Political Science. I am pretty much 100% going to be studying philosophy, but obviously, I am not going to commit until I have to. I am taking all of the first year prerequisites for these subjects and I don't have to declare my major until I begin selecting my second year courses. 

I want to take philosophy because it combines a few of my favourite things: thinking, questioning things, history, greece/rome, eastern cultures. I like to think about thinking, it is as simple as that. (Or is it?)

I want to take political science because it is interesting to me and I may possibly want to be a politician someday. So that could be a good choice.

I want to take psychology because I love education and psychology has a strong focus and interweaving with education. I also love the mind and thinking (as related to philosophy). 

In the end, I want to become either a politician, teacher or professor. I want to either be a strong political influence or politician (a MPP or City councillor or mayor), be high up in the school board, be a principal or do something do help education, or be a teacher of philosophy and whatever my second teachable turns out to be in a high school setting, and lastly I might want to be an education professor. 

I don't need to choose (yet). It's just haunting me. 

4. Poetry

As stated earlier, I have been more interested in poetry lately. Most poetry goes completely over my head and I dislike it, but I have this small book of poetry written by a Canadian, just based of of their life. It is interesting to me. I think I find it interesting just because I think people are interesting... and this poetry helps me get into the mind of this random person. It's not hard to understand, it's pretty clearly stated.

I didn't like the Poetry unit too much in my writer's craft class in high school, but now I don't mind poetry. I started writing some stuff, and I will be honest with you - I am not good at it. 

My mind doesn't write in verses yet. It can't be poetic. I think the more poetry I read, the better I will get.

And that is it for now. I am hopefully going to stay on top of blogging. I am going to be reading more often, so I might blog about things I am reading about. Who knows? Life is a mystery.

I love Comedy and overanalyzing EVERYTHING

Comedy is one of the things in my life I find myself not going "why?" to. So for obvious purposes, I am now going to overanalyze comedy.

I love comedy so much. When I was 10-14ish I used to watch just disney channel shows (Suite life of Zack and Cody, Hannah Montana, etc). They were comedy shows and looking back they aren't overly funny but they were to me at the time. At one point one of my favourite celebrities was on the Ellen show and I soon discovered how hilarious she was. I watched the Ellen show religiously until I was 15 when I slowly stopped watching it for no particular reason. I just got bored I guess.

Sometime when I was 15/16 or so I discovered the Office and I decided to finally start watching it because Season 2 was on sale at Wal Mart for $15. I remember it was the day before Christmas Eve, and I watched almost half of it before christmas. I was in love with it, and now I own all of the seasons of it! Naturally, I discovered other NBC shows, like Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock, which were on around the same time as the Office. Eventually, I also began watching Community.

From that, I have found many actors and actresses I love, that are very funny as actors. Some of them don't write comedy, some of them only perform it. But they are good at it. I discovered that Tina Fey from 30 Rock wrote Mean Girls and I also learned who she was from a sketch she did with Justin Bieber.

I have gotten more into the actual writing and different types of comedy within the past few months.

I am not really big on sketch comedy shows, I don't find them absolutely amazing, I mean they are OKAY, but most of the time they're crap. I am not big on Saturday Night Live but there are some amazing sketches. I watch it occasionally. The ironic part of that is that I am best at writing short comedy bits, like sketches.

I never did improv at school, although I wanted to. The thing about improv is you see it, and it is hilarious and you are just like "I want to join, I want to play!". I am not quick to think on my feet and I am also not good at acting, but I want to try improv. I looked into whether or not there is an improv or comedy group at my University, and there is kind of something and I found a few individuals who also want to try it. So there might be something there.

Recently I came across Drew Carey's "Improv-a-Ganza" on youtube while looking for some improv videos to watch, because I was bored. I watched the entire thing in less than a week. I discovered the show "Whose line is it anyways?" which essentially is most of the same cast of "Improv-A-Ganza", it is just from the 90's. So I started watching it, and it's been 4 days, and I am almost at the end of season 2. I love it so much.

I did some basic research on what makes people laugh because I am thinking of writing a short comedy book. Basically filled with anecdotes. Yes, that is the book I am writing. I know that before I said I was writing a book on atheism, and I am. But halfway through my planning I decided instead of making it a big non-fiction book, I want it to be a smaller anecdotal book. Sort of like those books you see at Urban Outfitters, or at a music store like HMV.

I think part of the reason why I am so passionate about comedy, other than the fact that laughing feels really good and happiness is awesome (usually), is because I am quite cynical and like to look at the negative side of life. Comedy is easy to just sit down and watch and relax. I love it.

The only comedian that I have actually seen live was the Keynote speaker at a conference I was it, and the comedian I saw was Elvira Kurt, and she was really good. I really want to find the photo of the group of us with her! She was a really good choice because the conference was based around creating a positive atmosphere in schools and specifically acceptance of all types of people, including the LGBTQ and she is gay, so she was awesome. She told us about a time when Wanda Sykes came out to her and she also told us about her time writing at the Ellen Degeneres show.

In addition to improv and TV comedies, I love stand up comedy. I personally think it is the hardest type of comedy, because you have to not only be able to write comedy and deliver/act it out, you have to do it in front of an audience and you have to also be able to improv and think quick on your feet. I am always impressed by stand-up comics.

Some of my favourite comedians  (and some of their comedic performances/successes) are:
- Tina Fey (30 Rock, SNL, Mean Girls, Date Night, Baby Mama, Admission)
- Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation, Blades of Glory, SNL, Upbright citizens brigade, Baby Mama)
- Will Ferrell (Elf, SNL, Blades of Glory, Anchorman)
- Colin Mochrie (Improv-A-Ganza, Whose Line is it Anyway)
- Ryan Stiles (Improv-A-Ganza, Whose Line is it Anyway, The Drew Carey Show)
- Whitney Cummings (Whitney, Stand Up)
- Chris D'Elia (Whitney, Stand Up)
- Brad Sherwood (Improv-A-Ganza, Whose Line is it Anyway)
- Greg Proops (Improv-A-Ganza, Whose Line is it Anyway)
- Aubrey Plaza (Parks and Recreation, she also does really epic and hilarious interviews... just saying)
- Chris Pratt (Parks and Recreation)
- Jonathon Mangum (Improv-A-Ganza)
- Heather Anne Campbell (Improv-A-Ganza)
- Jeff B. Davis (Improv-A-Ganza)
- Rachel Dratch (SNL)
- Kristen Wiig (SNL, Bridesmaids)
- Will Arnett (30 Rock, Blades of Glory, Up All Night)
- Ken Jeong (Hangover, Community)
- Amy Schumer (Stand Up)
- Steve Carell (The Office, Evan Almighty, Smart Act, 40 Year Old Virgin, Date Night... I've pretty much seen every movie he has been in)
- Rainn Wilson (The Office)
- Maya Rudolph (SNL, Bridesmaids, Up all Night)


I know there are a hell of a lot more I love, these are just people I pulled straight off of the top of my head.

As for myself, although I don't consider myself to be overly funny, I try, sometimes. I have been told I have a "weird" sense of humour. Obviously I am never on a stage or behind a camera performing, so in life, when I am funny it's usually just because I am doing something weird/stupid/embarrassing or because I just say something random. I think I am funnier than the average person, but there is no way I will ever do stand-up. I would be the worst stand-up comic. I'm more of the type of person to be the writer, not the performer.

The struggle between reality and creativity

Lately I've been thinking about how my beliefs and thoughts are quite rational, logical and real. Quite often my beliefs correlate with either/or:

A) Doubt/Having no Clarity

B) Reality

I consider myself to be a creative person. I like writing, coming up with ideas, I love comedy and art. I would never consider myself to be realistic. Recently I noticed that I actually am realistic.

I'd say this time last yearish I wasn't realistic. By the end of August last year, I decided I didn't want a job, I didn't want to ever have to work or do anything. I soon justified that with wanting to go into politics or being a teacher, because those are actual jobs I'd want, but I just didn't want to do the pointless work towards them (school, elections, studying, etc).

I understand that to get to where you want to, you have to follow society. I can't be a complete non-conformist, nevertheless, I still think I am.

I have figured out that although life itself has no meaning, that society has given life meaning, in very VERY stupid ways. But yet, I adhere to some of these stupid ways because I like them. I keep being a non-conformist and a nihilist by only adhering to the things I like... which I like because I like them, not because society told me to like them.

Back to my point. I am an atheist because I like reality. I don't believe in myths, I like history, myths in history are interesting, I just think all of the theism in these myths are bologna. I consider most religious texts to be stories, fictional, possibly myths, containing bits of truth written from that point in time. Yet, I do not know there is a god, and so I believe that.

I guess it is not necessarily a struggle between reality and creativity. It's just that since creativity is generally associated with being more flexible and go with the flowy, while I am not that. I am realistic about many things.

I think they are sort of two different things. Creativity is fine as long as it is art or ideas. As soon as you put creativity into things like math and history, you run into trouble. You need reality to balance out the creativity. Reality and creativity need to collaborate. Sure, draw a picture of a dog with a horse head, but don't write a non-fiction book about it. Go ahead, write a history book, but don't get creative, history is done, history is known. That is called historical fiction.

I don't know. I just think being realistic can be also very depressing, which is why people like to be creative. I want to run for city counsellor at a young age, and it is highly unlikely that I will get the position. Many people will say "Don't think that way, because then you won't achieve anything!". I am being realistic. There is a chance, certainly there is. Anything is possible. Literally anything can happen. It is just unlikely. I don't think anything is impossible or certain. That's why I am a skeptic.

Skepticism is also associated with being more depressive and negative. But you know what? That is the reality. Question things. You must question things or else change doesn't happen. Some strong societal influences need to stop being positive and ignorant and need to get skeptical and question all good things and look for the good in bad things. That's the only time when being positive is okay. Looking for the upside in every bad thing, and the bad in the right.

This is why I am an (agnostic) atheist. I question everything. Well, not everything, just within realistic proportions. But I questioned the existence of god, rather than adhering to society's generalized belief there is a god, and I arrived at the answer that god probably doesn't exist, although since I am skeptic, I believe anything is possible, so I have to stick that little agnostic before atheist, even though I really want to be a complete atheist, I couldn't be a skeptic and an atheist, that just doesn't make sense.


Nice run-on sentence up there, eh?

I just realized how all of my beliefs sort of connect.
I am an agnostic atheist because I am a skeptic and I am a nihilist because I am a skeptic and non-conformist and I am a non-conformist because I am a skeptic and nihilist. Sort of. There are lots of reasons, it's just my beliefs instead of being scattered and unjustified are sorting themselves out without me even realizing it until now.

Weird.

I guess my point, since I have digressed so much in this single blog post, is reality and creativity should work together and support each other. Reality is important and creativity is important, and although they should "work together" they shouldn't be combined in the wrong context because that brings us to lies and things like the idea of god, which for this reason, society believes exists even though it doesn't.

Updated tattoos I want/like/ideas

I have posted about 2-3 times about ideas for tattoos I want. Since I am turning 18 in a tad less than 4 months, I am getting excited to finally get my first one.

Which, as most people close to me know, is going to be a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson "" on my the inside of my right forearm. I haven't decided the font of it yet, or the exact style. 

But the rest of the tattoos I am thinking of getting, are likely to be debated for a long time before I get them.

Here is that list:

An astrological tattoo. I was thinking about getting something scorpio-esque. I don't know where, it will probably be somewhere not very visible to me. I don't know whether I want the symbol of the zodiac, the constellation or the actual scorpion. It will probably by on my hip or back somewhere.

A hummingbird under my left pointer finger.

I want some form of band-like tattoo around my arm, near my elbow, whether it is above or below I don't know yet. I want it to either be very modern and just a straight line, or lacey. 

I was thinking about getting a small fern on one of my feet or ankles. It represents strength and endurance, and since I strength train and run endurance, I think it would be fitting.

I want a map of the world... somewhere. It was going to be on my arm, then I decided not to. Now I am thinking around my ankle. Maybe I'll put North and South America along with iceland/greenland etc, on my left leg and the rest (europe, asia australia) on my right. Or just around one of my ankles.

I want something swirly around my ankle. I was thinking about just getting something like a ribbon or something decorative, but I also thought I could get a really long quote in small print that looks like a line going around my ankle, until you look closer.

I'm starting to see a problem with my ankles. They are filling up quickly.

I am thinking about getting a second quote (undecided) on my other arm. I want something on my left forearm as well, but I don't know what, yet.

Most of my tattoos are pretty timeless, or at least them seem as so. Except for one I want. Lately I've wanted a tattoo to do with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I don't know what. I was thinking about getting their names somewhere, but maybe just their initials. If I do get something to do with them it will probably be somewhere on my feet, or my toes, where I don't look too often, but when I do look, I am reminded of them.

I am still considering getting a maple seed somewhere on my hand, representing my father.

Later in life, I might give in and get a giant tattoo along the left side of my body. Something tribal or lacey. 

Most of my tattoos will be around my ankles/feet or my arms/wrists/hands. I don't really want a tattoo I can't see, or easily read, especially if it is meaningful and not decorative. 

A lot of times I say things I want to do and I don't follow through, but I am definitely getting that quote tattoo, or perhaps the hummingbird tattoo, by the end of November, if not on my actual birthday (October 28th).

I think I like tattoos so much because they are so artistic. It's like clothes you can wear all of the time. I love symbols and symbolism, and I hope to get a bunch of random little symbols all over the place. 

I am excited.

Do you have any tattoos you want to get or that you have? Or is there a specific tattoo you really want but you are sort of chickening out on?

The Book

A few months ago, I blogged about wanting to start writing a book, so I did begin to write it. But I got part way through, and I hated it, so I stopped. Recently I opened up that file again, and read parts of it, again, I agreed with my previous thought that it "sucked", but I insisted on continuing writing.

That didn't work out.

So for the next few days I decided to brainstorm new ideas for a book to write, until June 30th, I came up with an idea of what to write about.

But how will I know that I will actually finish the book?

I don't. But I want to. I am going to work hard on it.

I think part of my problem is that I don't plan it out enough, in advance. So right after I am done writing this blog post, I am going to start brainstorming. Coming up with ideas of what to talk about, look for inspiring quotes and photos, chapter ideas, etc. I realized in my Writer's Craft course, one of my weaknesses was not doing enough planning.

I wanted to just write and have everything come out natural and amazing. Well you know what? That only happens like 2% of the time. Most writing requires planning, or else it sucks and/or is confusing.

I'm not going to put deadlines on this. Originally, I wanted to have it done by the time I moved to North Bay, but by putting a deadline on it, especially that short of one, it doesn't give me room to make mistakes or get caught up doing other things. I hope to have it done by the end of 2014, but I doubt it will take that long. I have not written a whole novel.

I have a lot of research to do. I've realized that those stupid things you do in english and in school... even in primary school, the whole "Hamburger" and "plot graphs" etc., they actually have a purpose. Although I am writing a non-fiction novel, not a fictional one.

I actually do need to make pointless t-charts in which I write down what I know, what I need to learn and what I don't need to know. I do need to research how to write a book, how other authors have written books, similar to the same genre of mine. School actually does teach you things if you stick around long enough and remember things YEARS after you've learned them.

Anyways. I am not giving away my whole concept of the book, mostly because I don't have the whole concept yet, but essentially it is going to be about atheism.


I might make the occasional blog entry to talk about my progress in the book.

I am excited.