I HAVE A LEARNING DISORDER!?

Last week I went to my family doctor for a couple of things, one thing was asking her about testing and/or medication for ADD (Attention deficit disorder). She informed me that I would need to go through testing. She prodded me more on possible symptoms that could signal that I have may have a learning disability. I pointed out that I approached her about my poor memory back in grade 10.

I have frequently complained about my poor memory on my blog and I've noticed it since grade 10.

I also realized another symptom I have been having other than poor memory and lack of ability to concentrate. I don't speak clearly sometimes. You can probably find hundreds of confusing sentences I have written on my blog posts before. My blogs aren't the worst, the worst is my handwriting because it is slower than my typing. Quite often I go on and on in a sentence and then I will actually switch the focus of the sentence halfway through because my memory has failed me halfway through and I will switch tenses and such. My memory fails me and I write confusing sentences.

My friends have also informed me they have "No idea what I am talking about" or texting about.

This is kind of a shock to me that I MIGHT have a learning disability/disorder.

I have received high grades ever since grade 2. I was at the top of the class until around grade 6 then I was just really good until grade 9. In high school (Depending on the subject) I was generally anywhere between having one of the top 5 marks to being just above average (except in science, math and french). I had a 92% average in my final year of high school, qualifying me for full tuition at my school, my first year.

I know that marks are supposed to drop in your first year, but I am having difficulty retaining and learning mass amounts of information at once. It is a lot more information thrown at you at one time and my brain just can't handle it. University is different.

I hate thinking that I may need assistance because I am an extremely independent person who hates relying on other people. In another way, I think that I could use the help. I really just wanted meds to be able to allow me to focus on my textbook readings, mostly. But now I have to go through this whole process.

I am going through for testing (hopefully). I have a meeting within the next week with the person who schedules and screens people for learning disability testing. It can cost me up to $1000 but it may be covered by OSAP (Ontario education funding assistance program, for those who do not know). I have to be approved to actually receive the testing first. If they don't sense anything before testing, I won't get any done.

Then I will just be back to square one, not knowing what is wrong with my mind.

In other news, I am getting really into writing poetry. I find inspiration everywhere, now. It's just a matter of finding the time to write it all down...

Oh well.

I don't want your pity or luck. I'm just writing this to inform the public about what I am going through, I suppose. Maybe looking for some insight from experts or people with experience with this sort of thing. I don't know.

Poopsocks.

I'm sick and tired of not being sick, so I'm going to be unhealthy

Allow me to explain the title of this post.

I am quite healthy. I am 18 in 11 days, up until before this summer started I had never smoked, never been drunk, I had run 2 half marathons, a 30k, I ate rather healthy (rarely eating sweets, I don't drink pop, chips, etc) and I was pretty balanced out. The only thing any doctors had any concern over was my caffeine consumption, which is rather high.

But other than that, I have always been average weight, on the cusp of being underweight, but I was never underweight. I worked out, running and lifting weights 4-6 times a week for 1-2 hours per session.

But that was before.

Now I still run, I still go to the gym. Not as often, around 4 times a week, but I rarely get in a good 2 hour workout anymore. I don't have the time now that I am in university.

I still do not drink alcohol, although I do plan to drink eventually. I just don't have access to alcohol and it is still technically illegal for me to drink, anyways.

I do smoke cigarettes. Not often. It was a choice that I made, nobody peer pressured me into anything, I just chose to. I smoke maybe 5-8 cigarettes a month. Not packs, individual cigarettes. I understand that each one takes away from my life, I know it is making me unhealthy. But guess the what? I am doing it anyways even though I fully realize how stupid it is- this is how stupid I am. Also I ran 45km this week and I have also smoked 2 cigarettes as well. It's more than what you're doing. I'm still lapping all of you.

I have began eating worse, as well. I still eat healthy a lot, but when I eat unhealthy I barely eat that day. I might have like almost 800mg of caffeine, and then ice cream and chocolate and maybe breakfast on top of that.

Why am I letting go of my health when it is so important to me?

Well, honestly, why does it matter? We are all going to die. I am still running and lifting weights, it's just I have less time and now my body is gaining weight and losing muscle, even though I am still probably working out about 8 hours a week.

I am not giving up on my physical fitness. I am planning on eating healthier again, soon. I am not where I am living this week so it has been harder. I also went on a weekend trip which threw me off and I also have midterms right now. So that I suppose does give some excuse to my eating habits. But I still plan to get back on track this week.

But I am smoking. Why do I smoke? I want to. It is nice to wind down with, it helps me relax and focus.

All I know is that I am going to ruin my heart. Studies show that running is actually super bad for your heart. Apparently there are heart issues in the family, with blood clotting (even with healthier members). My 10 year old cousin had a heart murmur just last year, and she is 10! I am starting a medication soon which has side effects of thickening blood (especially when you combine cigarettes). Well, I am going to have a heart attack. I am going to keep running. I am going to run a marathon this May (hopefully). I am going to take these pills even though I really don't want to. I am going to keep smoking.

My doctor also literally told me I am going to get cervical cancer because I didn't get the HPV vaccine. Well, I am sorry guys. I am going to get cancer and have a heart attack and die.

Bye guys, bye.

I love Niagara Falls but I hate Niagara Falls

I went to Niagara Falls this past weekend to see "Whose live anyway?" (a comedy tour). It was absolutely amazing, I got to go up on stage to help in a game called "moving bodies" (the comedian is still and you have to move their bodies to do actions). I got to move Greg Proops who is one of my favourite comedians. I love his podcasts "The Smartest Man in the World" so it was basically a dream-come-true to be able to be on stage with him.

Anyways, I am here to talk about the actual falls at Niagara falls. Yes, they are beautiful, they are an amazing natural thing of this earth. If you think of the falls that way, they are gorgeous.

But if you look behind you, all you see is capitalism, tourism, attractions, etc. It takes away from the beauty of the falls. If you walk down just a bit there are souvenir shops everywhere, other places decked out. It really did disgust me.

Although I did enjoy myself at the Hersheys store and some of the souvenir shops, though. It wasn't necessarily the "stuff" that made the weekend amazing, it was the experience. I love looking at all of the things. I only bought one "Niagara Falls" thing and it was a sweater. I bought a bunch of chocolate as well.

I did enjoy myself, it's just Niagara Falls is one of the biggest tourist traps. Should we boycott things like this? I say no, even though I think it is wrong to use the beautiful falls for this. But perhaps exploiting natural beauties isn't the best thing. But the little goodies you buy at the store helps you remember the place, right? Not really. It's a tourist trap!

I suppose there is an argument that it just a waterfall, it is water falling, who cares? But I guess that the beauty of the falls is in the eye of the beholder.

Another thing that sort of disgusted me was the Rainforest Cafe. The food was decent, way overpriced, but okay. For those who do not know, the Rainforest Cafe is a rainforest themed restaurant with animatronic elephants, gorillas, simulated rainforest storms and decorations everywhere. This may seem like paradise to a kid but I was honestly a little upset. They weren't even real animals and yet another product of capitalism is exploiting beautiful nature. The animatronic creatures were a little creepy, too. Although the experience and vibe of the place was nice, the food tasted okay and my drink was amazing I couldn't stop thinking about how overpriced everything was and how fake the whole design was. (My meal is posted below, it was around $22CAD, plus I had a drink that was $6)



Overall, this weekend was honestly one of the best weekends of my life, though. It wasn't because of the shops, the games and casino stuff everywhere, it was because I got to go on stage at the comedy show I went to and I had fun hanging out with one of my best friends.

What do you think about exploiting nature for profit? It's just a circle of capitalism, and it's not really harming anything too much, I just think it's a little disappointing that as a society we find things like this entertaining. What's your opinion?


Here are some photos from my trip:


(Another great thing the falls are for, is for making you look super cultured in your profile pictures on the web... oh society)

I don't know anything

"I know that I know nothing" - Socrates

In my english and philosophy lectures the concept of knowing nothing and accepting your ignorance. I was perfectly okay with this concept and let it sort of sit in my brain for a while until it hit me.

We actually really know nothing. Well, at least I do not know anything. Mark Edmunson's essay Why Read? which we read in english, essentially stated that one must abandon their past to fully examine a text. We must admit we know nothing, that we are ignorant. It also has a concept of "knowingness" which is essentially what is expressed by academics, they seem to know everything but they really know nothing. This concept is also explored in Plato's "The Apology".

After this sat in my brain for a while I finally absorbed it fully. I absorbed the concept that nobody really knows anything over a year ago. We can't be certain, we can only be almost certain, or likely. But what hit me was that I admire academics way too much.

I see people, maybe not necessarily famous academic geniuses, but teachers, professors and authors as these super geniuses. They get paid to tell me things and they earn money off of the text I am reading, so they must be right, right? Wrong. I was aware of this concept previously too, I just never made the entire connection until this week. Thanks brain.

But academics can't be trusted. Well, they CAN be. But they shouldn't be.

Also, you are not an academic who knows everything if you just know one thing. People frequently feel they are educated in all things when they are experts in one thing. I am really pushing "The Apology" on you, now. I love Socrates. So many people get annoyed with him. I just love dialectics.

Anyways. Don't trust academics. Listen to them without bias and then question the shit out of everything they say. That is my advice.

Don't even listen to me. I realized with my blog I try to be one of these "knowing people" when really, I also know nothing. I just hope that I am somewhat interesting enough to spark people's interests in some academic topic or even a tidbit of my life that can conjure a discussion or just a thought in your mind that keeps you going.

Also, I am still gathering traffic to my blog. So thank-you, traffic that somehow found me when I am never posting. I want to post at least weekly. I just find since I have started university it is so much harder to sit down and actually write out a full blog post. I will try my best. I promise. I also don't make promises, but I'll make an exception for my lovely corrupted readers. I mean, my lovely skeptics! XOXO;)

No, I did not just sign my blog with "XOXO;)". I take that back! Oh well.