I need to like school.

I need to start liking school.

I have this extreme hatred for the entire school system now. I am dreading going back to school. I love learning new things, it is honestly one of the biggest things that I love about myself. I just hate the system in which I have to learn things in, in order to qualify for a degree to say I know the things that I do.

I like the courses that I have picked out. I just want them to match up to the expectations I have for them.

I would drop out of school but I have no idea what else to do with my time. I'm sure there is something I could do, career wise, that would make me happier than teaching. Maybe not. I do really want to teach. But any other career I want are slightly more unrealistic. For example: being a comedian. I have no experience. I tried to create experience for myself by starting a comedy club at my university but nothing came of that.

I think I need to start liking school, though. I am depressed about it and my learning will be very disturbed even by being depressed. I want to be school oriented in order to get out of school on time.

How am I going to do this?

I have no clue. I am pretty much an alcoholic (I may write about this someday... probably not, it's kind of shady) and I told my fiancé I am brining a flask with me to class. This isn't a lie, I probably will. I did last year. Well, not bring a flask, but put something in my drink before I left. It's not good. I know I am an alcoholic. Whatever.

I need to not drink so much but it is also the easier route.

I think I will have more balance this year which will be great for focusing. I will have a lot on my plate, but I think it will balance me out better. Fuck. I hope I have time to see my fiancé at times other than sleeping. Between our school schedules, working, going to the gym & dance for me, and other social lives... ugh.

I have no clue. I have just started this train of thought in my head and I have no idea. I might figure it out eventually.