Why I don't really want to have kids

My mind is not 100% made up, come on, I am 18... but I don't want to have kids.

Kids have never been a huge part of my life, I don't desire to raise them. This isn't my main reason I don't want to have kids though.

I really just want to focus on my career, once I am older. I want to really do something in my career. This isn't my main reason I don't want to have kids though.

If I have a partner later in life, I want to be able to focus my love and energy on them and not my kids. This isn't my main reason I don't want to have kids though.

I don't want to wreck my body. This isn't my main reason I don't want to have kids though.

The main reason I do not want to have kids is because I am selfish. I am very, very selfish. I live for myself. I want to be able to be free from the restrictions of having kids. I don't think I could be able to put another person that far before myself. In a relationship, quite often you have to put your partner before yourself, not all of the time, but there is the odd moment, but the thing is that your partner is self-sufficient. If you just decide you want to go to the store by yourself to get ice cream, you can't abandon your 2 month old or 5 year old. 

Your life is tied down in ways you don't want to. 

I really REALLY just wasn't supposed to be born with a uterus. I hate my uterus more and more everyday. I really do. I am not going to get a hysterectomy, especially since I am only 18 and I may change my mind and decide to have kids someday, but I really just hate that I have a uterus. Not that I want to be a guy. I just want to be a person that doesn't have to get pregnant. 

There are only 3 reasons I can see myself having children:

1) I get pregnant and find out when it is too late to have an abortion (I don't want to put up a kid for adoption)

2) I am bored later in life and feel like something is missing and I decide to have kids

3) I am single. This way I can focus all of my energy onto my kid(s). If I have a kid I don't want to have a partner because I don't want to put something ahead of myself, let alone my partner. 

I am not a feminist in the slightest. I just hate my uterus. I am not meant to have kids and I think that people should think I am brave for this. I know I wouldn't be the best mother, not that I would be a crappy one if I were to get pregnant, but I don't desire to be a mother. It's just like having a job you need the money for but don't want to work. That is the type of effort I would put into parenting. I would do the job of parenting but hate it because I wish I didn't have it, but I would appreciate the kid/job because I have it. 

This is early to be thinking about, but if you read my blog you know I like to plan ahead far into the future. 

At this point I don't see myself having kids until I am 102.